Breaking Free from “Have To’s” and “Shoulds”: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self
Posted on November 07, 2024 by Debjani Ghosh, One of Thousands of Spirituality Coaches on Noomii.
Are you caught in a cycle of “shoulds” and “have to’s,” putting others first at the expense of your own needs? Reconnect with your authentic self toda
Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” to things you don’t actually want to do? Or feeling compelled to keep others happy, often at the expense of your own needs? This pattern of behavior is something many of us recognize: we’re driven by guilt, obligation, fear, or a sense of duty to others, pushing aside our true desires for the sake of stability and acceptance.
The reasons behind these choices can vary. We may be swayed by guilt, or feel bound by expectations—whether they come from family, culture, or our own ideas of what we “should” do. Other times, we feel the weight of helping, sacrificing, compromising, or serving, so we end up taking on responsibilities that don’t align with our core values. At first glance, this can appear selfless, even admirable. But what we often don’t realize is that over time, these “have to’s” and “shoulds” can pull us further away from our own authentic self and the joy it brings.
The Trap of Stability and Safety
Choosing actions that make us feel safe and stable can feel reassuring. After all, who doesn’t want to feel secure and accepted? But when stability is maintained at the cost of our true desires, it becomes a form of self-betrayal. The decisions we make from guilt, fear, or a sense of duty are like invisible strings, keeping us bound to roles and responsibilities that may no longer serve our growth. Over time, we end up losing sight of our own inner divinity, the core essence of who we are, in exchange for fitting in or fulfilling the needs of others.
Rediscovering Your Core Divinity
The question, then, is how do we break free from these obligations and reconnect with our core selves? The first step is to recognize when you’re acting from a place of “have to” or “should.” Pause and reflect on the emotions behind your choices. Are you driven by guilt? Fear? A need to feel useful or accepted? Awareness is key to beginning the shift.
Next, gently challenge these motivations. Ask yourself, “What would I do if I didn’t feel obligated?” or “How would my life look if I made choices purely based on joy, love, and authenticity?” As you start peeling away the layers of guilt, obligation, and fear, you’ll likely discover new opportunities for genuine fulfillment—choices that honor both your needs and your unique purpose.
Embracing the Freedom of True Choice
Breaking away from ingrained patterns of “shoulds” and “have to’s” is no small feat. It may be uncomfortable at first, even frightening. But it’s essential if you want to reconnect with your core divinity, the part of you that knows exactly who you are and what you truly desire. Moving toward this authentic self isn’t just about saying “no” to others; it’s about saying “yes” to your soul.
As you move forward, remind yourself that making choices that reflect your true desires doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you whole. It allows you to give to others from a place of abundance, rather than depletion. When you’re living authentically, you have more energy, creativity, and love to share with the world.
Take the First Step Today
Ask yourself, “What choice can I make today that aligns with my authentic self?” It could be as simple as saying “no” to a commitment that drains you or giving yourself permission to rest without guilt. Small steps add up, guiding you back to a life where you’re not driven by “have to’s” but by joy, peace, and inner alignment.
In letting go of the need for safety and stability at all costs, we can begin the journey back to our core divinity—embracing the freedom, fulfillment, and authenticity we’ve been longing for all along.
