Choosing the language that our internal critics get to use...
Posted on September 04, 2024 by Jonathan Ger, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
Pay attention to what you say to yourself and how you say it!
Part of the human experience is the act of having choice. Throughout our lives we often come to a fork in the road where we will need to make a decision. Do I go right or left? Do I continue what I am doing, or do I stop? Do I accept what is being offered or seek a different option?
All of these choices and the decisions that you make in order to navigate your way through them, are determined by your view of the world, and how you fit into it. That view is impacted by how you see yourself, your sense of who you are, and the unique nature of what you are truly capable of. Often times this is an unconscious reality and because of that you can be susceptible of falling “prey” to your inner critic; your saboteur(s)!
No matter how you refer to them, we all carry some version with us everywhere we go. Inner critic, saboteur, devil’s advocate, etc. When you are on cruise control and just going through life instead of leading yourself through it, you may tend to make decisions that prevent you from being all that you can be. The inner critic won’t allow you to elevate your experience because it won’t let you believe that you deserve it, that you are smart enough, educated enough, strong enough, good enough or simply NOT ENOUGH!
What if, on the other hand, you made the decision to put in the work to develop your inner leadership so that you were in the driver’s seat with both hands on the wheel? What if you could silence those inner critics, or better yet, learn to use them to empower yourself rather than drag you down? You’re driving and your “passengers” aren’t as free to speak their mind, provide their opinion/perspective, and/or control your output? What if? Why not? How can I? When can I?
The first step is in knowing that you are in control, and that you can develop the muscle of self leadership. Like any muscle in your body you can make it stronger, BUT it doesn’t just happen. You have to “workout”. So how do we develop the muscle of self leadership after accepting that we have control over it?
You have to be committed to yourself with the belief that you deserve everything. I would challenge you to prioritize yourself at the same time that you are prioritizing others. You have to be willing to push yourself, come out of your comfort zone a little, and stretch what you believe your limits to be…NEWS FLASH – These are the times that your saboteurs will show up screaming at you,so be ready! They may give you some space when you first start – they may, but they may not, so prepare to hear them. Work on building your confidence so that you train your mind to think that you can, instead of allowing it to “feed” you the message that you can’t. I know, I know, this is easier said than done.
With the assumption that you can find a place of resonance with the concepts mentioned above, there are a number of techniques and actions that you can take to elevate the likelihood that it will stick.
Practice deep breathing techniques – Breathe in as slowly and deeply as you can, followed by a very slow exhale. Do this several times and let your body tell you when it’s working. Sometimes this is when your eyelids stop fluttering, sometimes it’s a feeling of calm or relaxation throughout your body, and sometimes those feelings are not as accessible but still exist.
Use self-affirming statements. This can feel awkward if you haven’t done it previously, but it works! “I am enough”, “I am good”, “I forgive myself for mistakes I have made”, “I am kind, loving and worthy”, and again – “I am enough, exactly as I am”
Do activities that make you happy – sports, dinners with friends, theatre, a boat, or motorcycle ride, read your favorite book, be in nature, be with your family, play with your kids or grandkids, etc.
Surround yourself with people that elevate you. Deep, meaningful relationships with like-minded people will help you to lay the groundwork of self-acceptance.This can lead you to empowering your self leadership muscle.
Okay, so here’s the reality: Your inner critic or saboteurs, will still show up, still talk to you and still try to prevent you from doing the things that you want to do. These techniques will quiet them, but won’t completely silence them. When you are empowered, your inner dialogue can sound different. These passengers are along for the ride. They’re not getting off at the next stop. Knowing that, preparing for it, strengthening yourself and using the power of positivity, can help them to carry less weight in your life. When they insist on being heard, let their messages be a challenge to you to say “not right now” and move away in the opposite direction. Use them, rather than giving into them.
If you find yourself needing a little extra to help you get over this hump, exploring a coaching relationship may be the perfect fit for you. I work in this space all the time and would be honored to be a part of your journey. It’s part of the Papa Perspective and I’d love to share it with you. There is no charge for our first conversation, so…
Take the Step – Create the Ripple – Change your Life!
