Other people get everything done! Why can't I?
Posted on August 06, 2024 by Megan Davis, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.
Do you have a long list of things to remember and do? Are you getting lost in the details? Creating systems that are unique to you can help.
It can feel like life is a never ending list of things we are supposed to do and never quite complete. This can make every day tasks such as leaving work on time, keeping your place clean or paying your bills with enough money for the weekend, seem almost impossible to do.
In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about how systems are easier for our brains to remember than lots of details. An example is getting ready in the morning. People who have a “tab” in their brain labeled Getting Ready only have to remember one thing to get their day started and each individual task reminds the person to do the next one, until the tab is marked Done. This allows their brain to free up more space to tackle the next task, which may have another “tab” to assist them.
If you have challenges with things like organization, starting things, finishing all of a task or poor memory you may have something called Executive Function Challenges. We all have some of the these (no one was born with a perfect brain). If you have other areas of your brain that help you out, these are called Compensatory Executive Function Strengths. Creating a “tab” is an external way of creating your own Compensatory Strength.
Let’s try it. Think of something that would work better as a tab. Examples could be school, work, start of the day or end of the day routines. To make it worth your extra effort, the problem needs to be costing you something. Maybe its peace of mind, other people being impatient with you, not succeeding as well as you would like in an area or your health?
Now think of someone who is really good in that area. It is easier to create a tab based on a successful map. What parts of how that person does things could you do, if you remembered or had enough time? Can you add reminders, have someone be your external reminder, reward yourself for getting going or something else? Could you add that fairly easily? Easy is the fastest way to build a tab.
What blocks you from doing what you know you need to do? Could you find someone to help with that? Maybe a youtuber, podcast or a life coach? It helps to have an IRL person to be accountable to. Do you have anyone who is both willing and able to be your reminder (for now)?
What would you gain if you could create this tab? The hardest part of creating a new habit is repetition. Another word for that is persistence. We are all so distracted that persistence has become its own executive function. Persistent people find success much more quickly than those who get lost in starting and stopping. What area of your life are you naturally persistent at? Could you take part or all of that tab and apply it to your challenge?
Life coaches are people who have talents in areas like these. Noomii.com is a site that list lots of different coaches who might meet your needs. Phoenix Parent Coaching focuses on helping people to create personal strategies that lead to personal systems that can create success.
