"How Do I Deal With My Depression?"

Posted on August 02, 2024 by Sean Self, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Many people think that depression is about a chemical imbalance in the brain which is why people use SSRIs otherwise known as antidepressants to combat depression. There is a lot of emerging research that shows that this may not actually be the method by which SSRIs function at all. What they are finding instead, is that SSRIs often act as a numbing agent like Advil for the mind.

Now don’t get me wrong sometimes you need an Advil. But let’s say that you have a bad hip, and instead of getting some sort of treatment for it, you just take Advil. The pain will go away temporarily but the problem itself is still there and presumably only getting worse. Not to mention that overtime your body is going to acclimate to the Advil and so you will have to take more and more in order to numb the pain. It’s the same with depression. This explains why so many people feel depressed and feel like they can’t do anything about it. They go to the doctor and the doctor just gives them essentially an Advil and sends them on their way. This does nothing to address the root of the problem. I do want to emphasize that often times, SSRIs can be life saving. All that I am saying is that they shouldn’t be the end of the treatment plan.

The Root of The Problem
There’s a term that is used in research—ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). These are essentially situations in which a child feels like they have no sense of agency. A simple example of this is if you grow up and your parents are constantly screaming and fighting, it may really bother you, but you don’t have much power to change or escape from that situation. The reason that ACEs are important is because they are the metric that is used to determine if you are traumatized. They give you a list of things that could have happened in your childhood and if you check a certain number of them off, congratulations you’re traumatized.

But wait, I thought we were talking about depression not trauma. Well, it turns out that depression normally starts with some kind of traumatic event. Freud coined this phrase that depression is anger turned against the self. Anger is a corrective emotion. It is there to tell us that something that is happening is not right and gives us the drive to fix it. But what happens if you’re a little kid and there’s nothing that you can do about the situation that you’re in? You get angry that your parents are fighting and it does nothing. They just keep fighting. Or even worse, they punish you for “misbehaving.” So you learn the lesson that you can’t outwardly express your anger, but it’s not like that anger goes away. Instead it only has 1 place to go—inside.

How come it always come back to childhood? How come I can’t get traumatized or depressed as an adult. Well you can, it’s just more likely to happen when you’re a kid. This is because when you’re an adult you just naturally have more agency over your life, and you’re better at processing emotions. Whereas when you’re a kid it is very easy to be put in a situation where you feel completely powerless and unless your parents help you process it, most kids don’t have the emotional processing tools to be able to do it themselves.

Overtime as that anger rages around inside of you, it starts to affect how you think about yourself. It can form beliefs like “I’m useless” “I’m powerless” “I’m worthless” “I’m a loser” “I’m a failure.” Sounds an awful lot like the kind of things that people think when they’re depressed doesn’t it? Sometimes it’s not quite so explicit, sometimes in order to try and protect ourselves we will attach our identity to something else. “As long as I can make my parents proud I’m still a good person” or “as long as I achieve enough I’m still a good person.” Unfortunately, these sorts of things usually end up being double edged swords, because sure if you achieve the thing then you feel good for a moment, but if you don’t achieve the thing it means you’re a failure. Not to mention, even if you do achieve the thing, the relief is only temporary. Pretty soon you have to achieve another thing to be satisfied. It’s a treadmill that you’re doomed to fall off of sooner or later and when you do depression is right there waiting for you.

So What The Heck Do We Do About It?!
It comes down to starting to heal those disempowered parts of yourself. Look back in your past and identify when you first started feeling depressed. What was happening around that time? How did that time make you feel?

“What’s the point of that? It’s in the past there’s nothing I can do about it now.” The cool thing is that science is starting to prove that to be false. There have been scientific studies done that show that when you someone is triggered to a traumatic event the way that the brain lights up is identical to how it lights up when they are actually going through the traumatic event. This explains why veterans will sometimes be triggered to thinking they are actually back on the battlefield. The good news is that this means that if you are able to bring up the emotions that you feel around those experiences and process them, it’s like you’re going back into the past and helping your younger self out—scientifically!

In this process you will redirect that anger where it actually belongs (often times our parents) so that it can get out of your system and stop beating you up. And once the anger is pointed in the right direction then we can actually process it. This healing process is hard and takes time. It is not a journey that I would recommend going on alone. Everyone has blindspots and especially with these highly emotional topics it makes it even more likely that blindspots will be present. Seeking out some sort of professional to help you work through these things can be such a huge help.

Exercises To Help You Get Started
This is a list of suggestions. You by no means have to do all of these things. Do what you can. Baby steps are key.

Think back to a recent moment when you felt a surge of sadness or depression. What triggered it? Can you trace this feeling back to a specific event or memory from your past?

Reflect on your childhood. Were there any recurring situations that made you feel powerless or unsupported? How did you cope with these feelings at the time?

Write down some of the negative thoughts you have about yourself. Where do you think these thoughts come from? Can you link them to specific experiences or messages you received growing up?

Create a timeline of your life and mark significant events, both positive and negative. Reflect on how these events may have shaped your beliefs and emotional responses.

Write a letter to your younger self at a time when you felt particularly vulnerable or powerless. Offer understanding, compassion, and any advice you think would have helped you at that time.

Identify people in your life who make you feel safe and supported. Make an effort to connect with them regularly, whether through conversations, activities, or simply spending time together.

Engage in creative activities such as drawing, painting, or music to express your emotions in a non-verbal way. Reflect on what these creations reveal about your inner world.

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