Feedback: You Give It, But Can You Take It?

Posted on July 25, 2024 by Mindy Vail, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Receiving feedback can be more daunting than giving it, particularly for those in leadership roles who feel pressure to project expertise and infallibility. It’s as if we’re wired to view feedback as a personal attack, threatening our self-worth or competence—a mindset often shaped by a culture that venerates flawless perfection and stigmatizes admitting mistakes. Past negative experiences with harsh or unfair feedback only reinforce this defensiveness. Yet, feedback is crucial for personal and professional growth. How we seek, process, and respond to feedback reveals much about our readiness to evolve. Whether feedback is eagerly embraced or reluctantly endured, navigating these interactions without defensiveness or discouragement requires intentional strategies.

1. Acknowledge
Recognize that everyone, including yourself, has insecurities and imperfections. Embracing this human reality can soften the impact of critical feedback by fostering self-compassion and reducing defensive reactions.
2. Engage:
Understand that receiving feedback is challenging for the giver too. Responding with empathy fosters constructive dialogue and mutual understanding, enhancing trust and communication effectiveness in your interactions.
3. Embrace:
Approach feedback with openness and a growth mindset. Focus on opportunities for improvement rather than seeing feedback as criticism. This mindset boosts resilience and motivates you to learn and grow from feedback.
4. Focus:
Concentrate on the specific behaviors or actions mentioned in the feedback. By redirecting emotional responses towards cognitive processing, you can accurately interpret and apply feedback for personal development.
5. Listen:
Actively listen without immediately becoming defensive. Practice effective listening behaviors such as maintaining eye contact and paraphrasing feedback to demonstrate respect and improve comprehension.
6. Clarify:
Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand the feedback’s intent and implications accurately. Clarifying feedback reduces ambiguity and helps align insights with your personal and professional goals.
7. Express:
Appreciate the insights shared, even if the feedback is uncomfortable or challenging. Expressing gratitude reinforces positive feedback culture, strengthens relationships, and encourages continuous improvement.
8. Value:
View feedback as essential for your growth and development. Use what resonates with you and reflect on feedback that doesn’t. Prioritize feedback-driven learning to enhance self-awareness, performance, and career advancement.

Building upon your personal development, integrating reflection and feedback becomes pivotal in nurturing your continuous growth. Reflection prompts self-discovery and awareness, providing clarity on your strengths and areas for improvement through mindful practices like journaling or structured exercises. Feedback serves as a reflective mirror, offering insights that may not be immediately apparent but deeply influence your personal growth and development.

However, you might find yourself resisting feedback due to a lack of self-awareness, which can hinder both your personal and professional growth. This resistance may lead to communication breakdowns, diminished trust among your team, and a stagnant leadership style. Overcoming feedback-resistant behavior requires tact and patience, focusing on specific examples and solutions in a supportive, private setting. Here are 8 “Don’t Dos” when someone is giving you feedback:

1. Dismiss:
Brush off the feedback without giving it proper consideration or thought, signaling a lack of respect for the giver’s perspective and insight.
2. Deflect:
Shift blame or responsibility onto others or external factors rather than taking ownership of your actions or behaviors, avoiding accountability and hindering personal growth.
3. Deny:
Flat-out reject the validity of the feedback, refusing to acknowledge any merit in the giver’s observations or suggestions, thereby closing yourself off to potential learning opportunities.
4. Defend:
Immediately become defensive and argumentative, focusing more on justifying your actions or defending your position rather than genuinely listening and engaging with the feedback.
5. Discredit:
Question the credibility or motives of the feedback giver, undermining the value of their input and damaging trust and rapport in the relationship.
6. Dwell on Intent:
Fixate on the perceived intentions behind the feedback rather than focusing on the actual content and potential areas for improvement, leading to misunderstandings and interpersonal conflict.
7. Demean:
React with hostility or condescension towards the feedback giver, belittling their perspective or undermining their expertise, fostering a toxic environment and inhibiting open communication.
8. Disengage:
Tune out or mentally check out during the feedback conversation, displaying disinterest or apathy towards the feedback process, which can signal a lack of commitment to personal or professional growth.
Avoiding these behaviors and instead practicing openness, humility, and active listening can foster a positive feedback culture and promote personal and professional development. Understanding how you process feedback—whether you tend to focus on positives or fixate on negatives—reflects complex psychological and experiential factors. Developing self-awareness in this regard enhances your resilience and effectiveness in integrating feedback constructively. Embracing feedback effectively not only encourages a culture of openness and growth but also fosters trust and enhances team dynamics within your leadership role. While you may not always feel immediately receptive to feedback, fostering a culture of growth and empathy can gradually encourage openness to constructive criticism. By embracing feedback and leveraging it effectively, you can enhance your own development and inspire positive change within your teams and organizations.