Royal Flush
Posted on July 17, 2024 by Karina Schneidman, One of Thousands of Business Coaches on Noomii.
Relationships, marriage, love and communication!
Written By: Karina S. Schneidman
Disclaimer: These are my two cents, I am not offering any clinical or coaching advice.
“The beautiful thing about poker is that everybody thinks they can play”
If you want more self-awareness about your marriage or relationship, imagine a table for 4 in a beautifully decorated venue with the most incredible presentation and energy. Now imagine the table itself, there, at that table sits your marriage. Two Egos and Two Idealisms and they’re all playing poker.
Everyone wants a Royal Flush, but no one seems to want to work for it. Poker much like relationships is mostly a game of skill with some luck (the luck is the inconsequential fluff in the relationship). The skills, however, are knowing when to place a bet and when to sit down and shut up. It requires a player to read the room, read the players and most importantly know and understand your own hand. Your ace in the hole is not supposed to be used to attack your spouse, it is supposed to be used to take advantage of the game and win as a team.
You know what’s missing though, why people get stuck so much and why so many couples get inside their problems? Because they ignore the poker game between their own Ego and Idealism. They throw ultimatums around like a sprinkle of Evil Febreze, they put each other down or compete for who is smarter or better, they withhold intimacy, they indulge in blaming each other instead of focusing on solutions and the game gets lost. So why did I bring up poker? Because if your Ego isn’t humbled by your confidence and your Idealism isn’t minimized by realism, all you are is just another poker cheater (you lie to yourself, blame your partner and play dirty). “The man who cheats is a fool of course. He cheats not only the other players but himself, as well. He cheats himself of self-respect and the pleasure of the game.”
Poker requires skills and strategy, so does a relationship. Know when to speak, know when to be silent. Know what cards you should play and which you shouldn’t. Think about your hand, if it’s not strong, own it. If you lose, own it, if you make a mistake, own it. Ownership is not a failure; failure is pretending you are always better. There is no better alone, only better together. Otherwise, you’re not in a marriage or relationship and there is no poker to play. You are the game and you’re being played by YOU. At the end of the day, you can blame your spouse all you want, but who is responsible for their own accountability, happiness and success? YOU. So, when you look at your spouse, and you want to spew blame, and Febreze them with your truth, have you checked your ego and idealism are they playing a fair game of poker or are we just in a fairy tale in which you are perfect and they’re not? A marriage only works if you work the marriage.
Cage your ego and idealism before you are forced to fold your ace in the hole.
