Dealing with Silent Treatment: How to Break the Ice
Posted on July 03, 2024 by Dee Stevens, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
In this blog post, we'll explore what the silent treatment is, why it happens, and what you can do about it.
You’ve heard the saying “silence is golden,” especially in movie theaters, but when it comes to relationships, the silent treatment is anything but golden. In this blog post, we’ll explore what the silent treatment is, why it happens, and what you can do about it.
What is the Silent Treatment?
The silent treatment is the deliberate withholding of communication, love, and affection. It creates a sense of disconnection, abandonment, and loneliness. You might notice your partner or friend avoiding your calls, leaving the room when you enter, or limiting conversations to basic functional exchanges like, “Will you please take out the trash?” or “Dinner’s ready.”
Personal Experience with the Silent Treatment
I once had a neighbor who gave me the silent treatment. She stopped answering my calls and even avoided walking her dog down my street. It was clear something was wrong, and I needed to address it.
Why Does the Silent Treatment Happen?
The silent treatment usually stems from anger. The person might be upset with you for something you did or didn’t do and uses silence as a way to express their displeasure. Sometimes, it’s a form of manipulation to elicit an apology or to get something they want. While the silent treatment can be abusive, it can also come from well-meaning individuals who simply lack the communication skills to express their feelings effectively.
My Childhood Experience
Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to express my opinions freely. Speaking up was often labeled as “talking back,” which had consequences. This taught me to use the silent treatment as a way to communicate my feelings.
I remember a specific incident when my mom got rid of our dog without telling us. I was so angry that I gave her the silent treatment for months. It was my way of punishing her and making her feel bad. I didn’t want an apology; I just wanted my dog back.
Lack of Communication Skills
Many people who use the silent treatment were raised without proper communication skills. They might not know how to articulate their anger or needs effectively. Although you’re not their parent, you can help them learn to communicate better, improving your relationship in the process.
What Can You Do?
Here are some steps to handle the silent treatment:
1. Ask for Clarity: If you’re unsure whether the person needs space or is angry, ask them directly. Find out if there’s a problem they’d like to discuss.
2. Avoid Automatic Apologies: Don’t apologize just to avoid conflict. Only apologize if you genuinely believe you were wrong.
3. Express Your Feelings: Let them know that the silent treatment makes you feel manipulated and disconnected. Emphasize the importance of open communication.
4. Encourage Openness: If they claim you should know why they’re upset but you don’t, ask them to explain their perspective. Listen without getting defensive.
5. Find Solutions Together: After they’ve shared their feelings, work together to find a solution that prevents future silent treatments.
6. Acknowledge and Encourage: Acknowledge their effort to open up and encourage them to continue doing so in the future.
The silent treatment is a challenging issue, but with the right approach, you can address it effectively. Share this blog with anyone who might benefit from it.
