Embrace the Fear of Public speaking

Posted on June 26, 2024 by Michael Demetriou, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.

“There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.”
Mark Twain
It had just gone 5pm on a bleak day in the late 90’s, to be honest, I cannot recall what the weather was like, but my demeanour was gloomy. Our trusty Nissan Serena pulled up, so I knew it was time to perform and perform I did.
I had a very clear intention, an important goal, more like an avoidance goal. At all costs, I needed to fake a day off school!
You see a couple of hours earlier I was in full-on panic mode. I felt nauseous, sweaty and it appeared my heart was abducted by a crazed drum soloist.
It was triggered by those petrifying words by my business teacher.
” Michael tomorrow can you present to the class on……”.
I had perceived this request as a threat that had activated my sympathetic nervous system.
The thought alone was crippling. The fear of public speaking began to cement itself.
What the hell was going on here?
Glossophobia:
Deeply rooted in our ancestors was a fear of being banished from our tribe and being ostracised which more than likely meant death. Scientists believe that this fear of being rejected is at the core of the fear of public speaking.
This fear, this totally natural state for human beings was paralyzing me. I felt locked in this state with no key to unlock this limiting belief. I was stuck. At the time I didn’t think this was normal, I thought there was something wrong with me.
I continued this narrative for over a decade. My solution to this was a decision to wear a mask.
The avoidance strategy I employed continued into college and through my early career.
When there was no escape and my work required me to present, I felt it in every cell of my body. It sapped my energy and kept me awake at night. I experienced many painful moments and some hilariously bad ones too.
For instance, under pressure common sense can take a break which has led to me making up new words during presentations or jumbling up some. My favourite was when I unintentionally ended up saying “Tyrannosaurus” in front of some senior executives instead of “try another approach”. Not to overanalyse the situation, although something in my subconscious might have seen them as dinosaurs.
A quarter of a century later public speaking is a significant part of what I do, I even seek it out and enjoy it.
However, there is a bridge between avoiding and embracing public speaking.
A bridge worth traveling. This crossing can feel unstable at times, you will be confronted by challenges where you need to be brave. Following this route of delayed gratification is not easy but the rewards are powerful.
My journey will look different to yours but if it’s genuinely important to you, if deep down you feel like you’re holding yourself back, then maybe, maybe there is something in this for you.
I will share three learnings that enriched my pursuit of better.
Learning No. 1: There is nothing wrong with you!
My unhealthy relationship with public speaking began its rehabilitation during a townhall meeting on the topic of a company reorganisation. I witnessed a fantastic speaker, a truly inspirational leader authentically communicate a grim message with compassion. There was no robotic corporate BS here. He connected with the room. I could feel his energy, his engaging body language and then…. I saw it. Just like a Christopher Nolan film, he presented a clue even if it was just for a fraction of a second. He literally held his nerves just so you could get a glimpse of them. It was this moment of vulnerability that shifted my perception of public speaking.
Within that my first learning.
There was nothing wrong with how I felt due to a perceived stressor. It was a normal response. It’s what you do next that counts the most. How you find a way to navigate through it is key.
It’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s a strength if you combine it with meaningful action. It was time to lower the mask and chisel away at the wall.
Learning No. 2: Find a way through it, your own way….
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Viktor Frankl
We all feel pressure in different ways and sometimes we feel the trigger is unexpected. I would like to challenge this.
These moments when we are feeling under pressure can be planned for and are more predictable than we may think.
Let’s say you have done the work; you know your stuff and now it’s time to perform. You enter the unfamiliar room; the door closes behind you and everyone goes silent while they stare into your soul. During these split seconds, more than likely our threat system is fully dialed in. Did you plan for this moment?
Or let’s assume you are at a conference and someone asks you a question!
Does it feel like everyone has taken the popcorn out to watch you f*ck up? Does it feel like your credibility has been put on the spot by your arch-nemesis?
While this train of thought is unhelpful, you can plan for these moments, certainly the less exaggerated ones. This is where mental skills play an essential role. Practicing the mental strategies, you can deploy between stimulus and response is key.
Start with your self-awareness. Without awareness, nothing will change. Understand your triggers. Visualise it happening and how you want to respond.
What are the tools that you can use that will help you navigate your way through it?
If it’s your breath. Use your breath to deeply breath into the diaphragm. Calming the body and the mind follows. Practice this in advance so it feels familiar when you are under the pump.
From positive credible self-talk to mental imagery, there are several countermeasure strategies to enhance your performance. Cultivate your self-awareness and choose a few psychological interventions to integrate into your routine.
Learning No. 3: Combine experience with Reflective practice.
“The worst speech you’ll ever give will be far better than the one you never give.”
Fred Miller
You won’t get better by sitting on the edge of your seat. You will get better by pirouetting onto the edge of your comfort zone. Begin to dip your toes into that space.
Speak up at a meeting, put your hand up for that presentation, lead a project, or facilitate a meeting. Aim for your next level of performance. This could even be speaking at an upcoming conference.
However, experience alone will not make you a better speaker. If a team never reviews its performance, how do they know if they are improving?
Reflect on your performance. Rarely will it be amazing or awful. It will fall somewhere in between. Consciously choose to be open to the whole spectrum with its many shades of grey.
Yes, seek feedback from your trusted peers, gauge your audience and how they respond, but most importantly bake in a reflective practice into your routine.
I would recommend using a pinch of humour in this process particularly when you have had a difficult day at the office. A humorous outlook builds psychological space that can dampen the perceived threat and rumination.
“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything”.
Irish proverb
I will exit the stage by leaving you with this. Normalise those pressure moments for yourself, find your own way to navigate through them and have a laugh at your own expense along the way.