Mini Me...Our Children Learn from Us
Posted on April 22, 2024 by Julie Homsy , One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Raising children to behave and talk nicely.
Too often, as parents, we do not realize how much our children emulate us. Think about it, as their mother or father they look up to us…they want to be just like us. They are miniature versions of mom and dad…mini me’s. I see it all the time with my son, some days he acts like me and some days he acts like his father…some good, some bad, and we have to correct him when he does the bad.
Take a step back for a moment and just watch your child, especially when he or she is hanging out with the other parent. So what are we looking for?
Watch and listen for these things:
• Are they using words or phrases that the other parent uses?
• Do they imitate in their actions, facial expressions?
• Do you see them doing things or saying things that you do?
Give thought to this, are these the words and/or behaviors that you want your child to use with other people?
Even when a parent is talking to the other parent or friend or family member, and your child is in proximity…that child is listening, even if they are distracted by a toy or something on the television. So if you or your spouse is mouthing off to another person or each other, or one of you is calling someone who is not even in the room (maybe it the sports announcer on television or a co-worker) a not so nice name, be forewarned that your child has just included those words into their vocabulary. You might be wondering what is so bad about that.
Picture this: Your son or daughter is in school, it doesn’t matter what grade they are in, they in the cafeteria and a classmate that they don’t know very well or maybe they do and they just don’t like them walks by. So what does your child do? They call that student, out loud, an idiot or stupid or any other worse name that is in your vocabulary. They don’t just do it one time, but every time they see that student and other students. The next thing you know you are getting a call or email from your child’s teacher or worse yet, the principal. Now your son or daughter has just become a troublemaker, bully or meanie at school.
Take a look at yourself:
Do you swear or cuss? How often do you use bad words?
Do you do it in front of your child?
Nothing is more shocking than hearing your two year old repeat after you one of the cuss words you have been known to use, in a public setting. You might even find using the F-word okay. But what about your first grader telling a classmate “f-you!” Not so nice, huh?
So besides what we and other people say, our kids pick up on our actions. Be conscious of what you are doing. Do you get angry and shove? Even in a kidding manner, do you slap a person on the arm or back?
Children learn through imitation and they are always watching or listening to us. So if you want your child to grow up to be a nice person who treats everyone with respect and compassion be mindful of what you are inadvertently teaching them.
If you want your child to be compassionate, show them what compassion looks like. What do you do that shows compassion towards others?
If you want your child to speak to others in a respectful, gentle manner think about how you talk to others or about other people. How do you talk to them?
If you are not sure if your behavior or your spouses is being picked up by your child, ask for help. A parent coach is someone who can observe you and your child, and they can give you tools to help break the bad habits.
