The Answer to Overwhelm is Counter-intuitive.
Posted on April 10, 2024 by ARICIA SHAFFER, MSE, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Working harder, faster, and longer doesn't solve the problem of overwhelm. The answer may surprise you.
When we’re overwhelmed, everything tells us to work harder and faster – but that’s just the opposite of what we need to do to be most productive and efficient with our time.
Think about how you’d handle a knot. You wouldn’t pull on it harder to try and get it to release. You’d slow down, step away for a minute, take a few deep breaths, refocus, and come back to it fresh – with the right tools and patience. And when you lose your patience, you step away for a few.
But in real life, we tend to forget this. We hit a problem and double down – trying to work harder and faster. It’s like a gambler who loses money but keeps throwing good money after bad trying to win exercising poorer judgement with each bet.
In fact, we can get stuck in a loop of self-sabotage. I see this with parents and their kids when their child is acting out and the parent escalates in frustration making the kid worse which makes the parent worse. I see it in job seekers when they’ve meticulously applied for a few jobs they didn’t get so they start sending out hundreds of resumes and applications without doing research – just to prove to themselves how hopeless it is.
If you’re stuck in that loop, you’re not alone. We all do it. The question is: how do we break out of it?
A lot of folks come to coaching because they’re wrapped up in self-sabotage. There are a lot of reasons it happens, but the solution is the same regardless.
Change the story: Years ago, I saw a quote though I don’t know the author, but I’ve shared it with parents who tell me it’s changed everything. Here it is, “Your child is not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.” When we change the story, it changes everything. We can stop screaming and start working with the child to find solutions.
Step into a different version of yourself: I worked with a woman years ago who was absolutely brilliant, but she had felt held back her entire life. I asked her to imagine the life she wanted in every detail. When she had it all worked out, we found ways for her to explore some of the pieces of her ideal life and then step into that life – that version of herself she always wanted to be.
Step back and reach out: I was working on an article last year and was just stuck. I could not get my thoughts to come out correctly on paper. The more I worked, the more frustrated I got and the worse the article looked. My son suggested I put my laptop down, get some lunch and sit outside for a bit. I told him I couldn’t. I had a deadline. He reminded me that I’d be much clearer if I took even 5 minutes. And he was right. I came back to it refreshed and the article flowed.
I hope these ideas help if you’re stuck in that self sabotaging loop. If you need more help, I’m right here. Please reach out for a complimentary session. I’d love to learn how I can help.
