Scuba Diving, the "detached curiosity" way by Dr. (h.c.) Kumar Visvanathan
Posted on March 11, 2024 by Dr. (h.c.) Kumar Visvanathan, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
The art of being invisible yet being there for the Coachees
When we complete the journey to our own heart, we will find ourselves in the hearts of everyone else.
- Father Thomas Keating
One term that I came across few years ago and got me thinking is detached curiosity. First, it sounded like an oxymoron to me and that is why I got intrigued. Here is a glimpse of what this is doing to me now. Journey inside is difficult compared to journey outside and that is why we travel every year for vacation. In April 2016, we in our family decided to go to the Andamans, group of island south of India, for our vacation. The big motivation for Andaman was Scuba diving. It was in my bucket list and had to be ticked. During March and early part of April, we did some research on the places to visit, weather, clothes to be taken, hotel, food etc. All travel related planning followed and we were truly on our way for Scuba diving.
The flight journey was cool and we landed at Port Blair in the evening. We were driven to the hotel at Port Blair. Next morning we left for Havelock, a lovely island by ferry. The cruise was simply amazing. On reaching Havelock, we realized Sucba diving was just a few minutes away. What strikes you the most is the colour of the sea water – Aqua Marine. The white sand shines and when you set your foot on the sand with the water caressing your feet, it’s a heavenly feeling indeed!! We were given gears and accessories including oxygen cylinder and we were ready (not really!) for Scuba diving in the water. If you have seen the movie, “Zindagi na milegi dobara”, our helper reminded us of Katrina Kaif, where she teaches underwater diving to the male characters in that movie. Oh no! Katrina was not there that day. Finally the moment arrived. But the fear gripped me. I shouted, “I quit. I can’t take this”. I panicked. My helper calmed me down, touched my shoulder, looked piercingly in my eyes and said, “Sir, you can do it. Just trust me”. Again it reminded me of my speaking club, when they encouraged me to kick the fear out. But the voice inside said “no”. Before I could realize, we were all under water. You don’t need to know swimming to do scuba diving and of course I realized it later! The natural corals, the colorful fishes and the rest of the sea life came alive right in front our eyes. As you slowly move through the sparkling water oblivious to what was happening above water, you become one with the Universe and that moment of nothingness is priceless.
When I reflect on the underwater experience on what the helper did, there is a sense of magic and divinity. Magic because he empowered and let us go to a place we always desired but never did. We wanted to see how the world of underwater looks but the fear was holding us. With poor swimming skills the fear accentuated. First thing he did was he made us realize swimming skill is not necessary for underwater diving. It was magical because with very few words he calmed me, made me go deep inside me, discover things I never thought existed and empowered me to use them that changed my perspective. He connected with me but still stayed away from me. From my fear/anxiety and emotions. He did not hold hands with me when we were underwater. He was not discussing emotions when I was a wreck inside. He did not venture into my past from where I developed the fear for water. He did not promise me that he will stay the course with me during the underwater tour. He did not promise that he will guarantee my safety. He was invisible yet he was present. On reaching shore, he revealed that he was busy taking pictures but had an eye on us. That moment was truly an eye-opener for me. I can now relate this experience to “Detached Curiosity”. He did not impose his convictions, thought process and knowledge on us. He was not indifferent and did not leave us. Yet he was part of us too. He maintained a divine distance and gave us the space and time to discover ourselves.
The principles of detached curiosity can be applied in our conversation when it has reached a matured state. It is about developing equanimity and self-awareness. When we deal with emotions of people that we interact with, first step is to be aware of the emotions at play. The trick is not to get overwhelmed with it or doing a deep dive, but staying away from it and empowering the individual to deal with it providing him/her the necessary tools for better self-awareness. Self-awareness triggers self-engagement and paves the way for lasting solution instead of a solution that can come from outside.
