On being… A retired expat

Posted on March 07, 2024 by James Wilson, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

In my 12 years of working with the expat community, I’ve had the privilege of assisting numerous retired expats. In this blog post, I’ll delve into some common challenges faced by the retired expat community and explore coping strategies to overcome these obstacles to contentment.

One prevalent issue I frequently address is the grieving process experienced by retired expats, especially for a career that has come to an end. This emotional journey is compounded by the sorrow for the people, places, and things left behind.

Dealing with sadness and grief involves focusing on two crucial aspects: time and self-compassion. When individuals struggle to find the kindness necessary to process the end of a career, I turn to the 4-step Change Process.

The first step, Focus Reset, aims to create distance between the Conscious Mind, which houses kindness, wisdom, values and logic, and the Rooted Mind, where thoughts, feelings and urges originate. This exercise includes physical stretching and observing the surroundings, providing a perspective shift.

To learn more about Focus Reset, you can listen to an episode of my podcast, “On Being Good Enough…” linked below.

The second step of the Change Process brings us back to self-compassion. Many clients find this challenging due to messages received in childhood, shaping the rules held by the Rooted Mind. To build self-compassion, I employ the “support group metaphor”, asking clients to imagine offering kindness and encouragement to others facing similar struggles. This shift in perspective helps access self-compassion and challenges the belief that they are undeserving of kindness.

The second most common issue among retired expats is the initial isolation and loneliness experienced when moving to a place where they know few or no people, often compounded by a lack of familiarity with the language.

Again, employing both Focus Reset and self-compassion, we move on to the third step of the Change Process, Reframing, and the initial phase of goal setting. Beginning with goal setting allows retirees to consider what they aim to achieve from their move abroad, whether it involves finding friendship or embracing a new culture.

During Reframing, we pose a crucial question: “If you didn’t feel lonely, what action would you take?” Imagining a world without loneliness enables retirees to contemplate specific actions, such as initiating language lessons or engaging in social activities. We conclude the Reframing step with the five-minute question, which asks “Is there anything I can do this situation in the next 5 minutes?” This question prompts action or redirecting thoughts away from rumination.

This leads us to the fourth step of the Change Process, Mindful Valued Living. When isolation is a factor, embracing solo activities, such as reading or going for a walk, becomes crucial.

Another significant challenge in the expat community is culture shock, particularly when someone is living away from their home country for the first time later in life.

Starting with the retiree’s goals for their new chapter, we consider whether they include embracing the new culture. This helps frame workable actions down the line.

Returning to the 4-step Change Process, self-compassion plays a crucial role in accepting the emotions triggered by culture shock. Reframing assists in shifting perspectives on Rooted Mind stories, questioning the workability of holding onto expectations from the home country.

In addressing culture shock, language barriers often pose a significant challenge for retired expats. Many initially assume learning the language will be easier than reality dictates. To navigate this, we assess their willingness to continue learning. Motivation, driven by reasons, needs, and desires such as effective communication, building relationships, and managing daily activities, is key. Converting motivation into action involves creating a tailored plan, whether through joining language groups, finding a teacher, or practicing in local shops.

To conclude, navigating common challenges faced by retired expats involves a toolkit of tools and techniques. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues and seeks assistance, please feel free to reach out. I am more than willing to arrange a call and provide support on your journey.

Take care,

James