Choice - Stuart Smally, Eleanor Roosevelt and my Mom were right!
Posted on December 09, 2011 by Mark Robinson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
A thought surrounding full accountability for our own actions, thoughts and emotions and the power that brings!
Choice can be defined as the right, power, or opportunity. How do you determine the best choices for yourself? Do you ever regret having made a choice? How much thought did you put into making that choice and what were the motivating factors that you used to get there? There is absolute power in making the right choices for ourselves; using a life coach can help bring you back to this state or help you get there for the first time; the choice is yours and it always has been!
Everything we do in life, from the moment we get up in the morning to the moment we go to sleep, is a choice. Many times, we lose sight of this fact and allow others to determine the choices we make, or blame others for how we feel. How many times have you found yourself doing things that you really didn’t want to do? What stopped you from saying "no, that doesn’t work for me?’ Stating what we want and what is best for us is a new way of thinking for some, especially those who usually put the needs of others before their own. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfless; it’s a very admirable quality! YOUR own goals, dreams and desires should always come first!
Even our thoughts are a choice. The example I have used in my lectures over the years, was asking my participants by a show of hands, how many have ever “thought” of killing their significant other. How many times have you said “I’ll kill you!” Do you ever really mean it? In the lecture, this line is usually delivered in a tongue and cheek manner, yet nonetheless it brings forth a laugh and a sea of raised arms. My next question is “and how many of you have actually followed through with it!” Like waving a magic wand, the arms disappear. We’ve all thought about nasty things, hurting someone who cuts us off in traffic, the slow person at the grocery store checkout line, the rude customer yelling at the clerk; we all think it; doesn’t mean we do it. The point here is that we choose what we think. Most would never kill their significant other, yet most think it. So we’re “in control” of what we think. If that’s the case, why don’t we do this all the time? What would your life be like if you did? We’re accountable for our actions, and that includes our thoughts.
It’s the same when we allow what others say or do to impact how we feel, usually about ourselves. Eleanor Roosevelt said “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s one of my favourite quotes. It’s such a reclaiming power statement. When someone says something to us that we hear is hurtful, and allow the feelings of hurt to manifest, that was our choice. It wasn’t what they said; it is what you heard. You then made the choice to accept it and allow it to hurt you. “You hurt my feelings” is an inaccurate statement. No one can hurt you with words unless you make the choice to allow that to be the case. It’s a pretty simple concept, not meant to develop a robotic way of thinking where nothing anyone says ever matters. It’s simply a way to think about being responsible for your own happiness and that we all have the power and ability to live our best life, without the outside influences of some whose sole purpose may be to try and bring you down. Stand up for what you believe in, and remember that your thoughts and what YOU think are what matter most.
When I was bullied back in elementary and junior high school, my Mother would tell me, “Marky, when they call you names, just agree with them.” I’m sure your parents gave you similar advice. My mom was smart, it was good advice. So when the kids would call me “gay” or “fag,” I would just say, “yup, that’s me,” and walk away. Secretly, I wanted to “kill” them and of course, never did. I would usually go home and cry or eat, cause I didn’t believe I deserved to be called those names. Looking back, that was really the beginning stages of how I learned to not let what others say influence how I felt about myself. I was listening to Mrs. Roosevelt and didn’t even know I was. Ah hah, another smart lady! As I mentioned this is a learned behaviour which I will speak about more in future blogs. What I’d like anyone reading to think about is what do you believe about yourself. What do you like about yourself, think about it, hold on to it, write them down and read them back to yourself anytime you feel discouraged, upset or unhappy. You’d be surprised what a little self affirmation can do. Guess Stuart Smally was right after all!
Reclaim the power that you’ve always had.
