The Subtle Art Of Asking Insightful Questions
Posted on December 15, 2023 by Alessandro Carli, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
Questions have the enormous power to redirect our thoughts and efforts in the direction that we want, to enhance the quality of our life and business.
Any endeavor starts with a question. Just about anything, including thought, starts with a question, and business is certainly not an exception. Yet, we are mostly focused on the answers (the desired outcomes) which, in a certain way, causes the thought process to be inverted. Say we want to increase our income by 20%, this year. What questions are we going to ask ourselves to get what we want? “How can I increase my business turnover by 20%, this year?”: do you agree?
Do you see what happens? The desired outcome (answer) suggests the question, not the other way around! This mechanism is so engrained in our brain that you may be wondering what’s wrong with it. You have a goal, you want to achieve it, and you ask yourself what’s the best way to go about it. Actually, there really ISN’T much wrong with it… unless you refuse to settle for status quo situations. These questions will perhaps provide you with the best answers on how to get what you want, but they will never help you go beyond and deeper, because they bypass your thought process.
There are two types of questions: those that focus on the result, the ones we use 99% of the time; and those that focus on the process. Those that focus on the result are the ones that use the mind as a search engine: you simply “type” the question and the brain comes up with some viable answers, and if it doesn’t have the answer, it will provide suggestions on where you can get it. However, there is no real thinking involved, here, but just a simple retrieval of information which is strongly limited by the way the question is formulated. If you ask yourself how you can increase your turnover by 20%, the mind will stick rigidly to that specific request, and it will answer back accordingly. You could perhaps make 40, 60, or 100+ percent from several sources of gain, but because you were specific about wanting only 20% from your business income, that’s all you are going to get… perhaps!
The questions that focus on the process, on the other hand, turn inward and activate your thought processes by causing you to dig deep into your values, visions, motivations, drives… and – why not? – your fears, doubts, self-imposed limitations… Results and outcomes are not the issue at this stage: there’s a lot more at stake, here. As it works on these questions, your mind tries to figure out not what you need or want, but what person you must become, and what has to happen around you for you to give some sense to your life and business. This creates momentum, and things will start to change for you.
These questions would sound more like: “What do I really want for my life?”, or “What’s the purpose for my business to exist?”, or “What has to happen for me to feel fulfilled (according to my value system)?”… Our brain doesn’t have a serious ready-made answer for us on these, and it’s compelled to do something we don’t like to do: think! Now, when you eventually get an answer, that’s where your desired outcome will stem from, and THEN you will start setting real goals, not that wishy-washy 20% stuff!
Process-oriented (insightful) questions are something we must learn to ask ourselves because they don’t come naturally to us. That’s why I’m giving out five aspects you should consider when formulating these types of questions:
1. Always keep your questions in the positive – “Negative” questions are those that focus on situations you either don’t want or that you want to run away from. Always create a clear vision of where you want to be, and of what it has to be like;
2. Always think in terms of control – It’s very simple: you’re either in control or you’re a victim. So, it’s important that you “see” yourself in situations where you can freely choose how you think and act to achieve your vision;
3. Ask the question with your end in mind – It’s very easy to “slip” into focusing on the strategy (how you get where you want) instead of the vision. It’s never about what you want, but about what you will become in any given situation;
4. Make sure your question is ethical – As Men and Women, we are all intrinsically ethical human beings, and therefore, we need to recreate ethical situations in our mind that will guide us to wherever we want to be, without producing internal conflicts;
5. Make sure your question is ecological – Strong, empowering visions that generate solid internal processes are never – and can never be – only about us. If you are the only beneficiary of that vision, it will lose its power. Your question needs to focus on how the person or business you see in your future will benefit all the people and environments involved.
