Do you ever...Yearn?
Posted on September 17, 2023 by Jillian Eichel-Dobray, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
This article describes the concept of "yearnings" and how naming our yearnings brings satisfaction in our careers and relationships.
Season 3 of the hit series Seinfeld starts off with a fantastic conversation between Kramer and George on life:
Kramer: Do you ever yearn?
George: Yearn? Do I yearn?
Kramer: I yearn.
George: You yearn?
Kramer: Oh yes, yes, I yearn. Often, I sit, and I yearn. Have you yearned?
George: No, not recently. I crave. I crave all the time — constant craving. But I haven’t yearned.
And they get caught in a dialogue about the purpose of life. George defends himself as Kramer pulls it out of him that George has no job, no money, no girlfriend, no prospects — his only reason of living to get the daily news. And we laugh. We’ve been there.
Yearning is such a funny word, yet it’s the core of what drives us to action that keep us fulfilled and happy. I love the image of Kramer sitting in his house looking out his window and …yearning. Yearning is a skill and capacity that when developed leads us to take actions which meet our yearnings and in turn, bring us greater satisfaction. Meeting our yearnings as we go about our days is what allows us to feel like we are living meaningful lives. Naming our yearnings when we are in a fight with our partner can automatically bring us in connection as we put down our guard.
One of our problems is that we have learned to NOT yearn. We have learned to tell ourselves “that’s okay, I’m fine”, “I think I’m better off alone”, “maybe my opinion doesn’t matter so much”, “whatever…”. And when we numb ourselves with food, alcohol, television, and all the distractions that are so prevalent in our lives, we numb our yearning and we begin to forget what it is we so deeply yearned for in the first place.
What are yearnings? Try these on and see how it feels when you read them:
I yearn to love, to be loved
to matter, to belong
to contribute, to connect
to be seen, to be heard
to inspire and be inspired
to make a difference.
Underneath all behavior lies a yearning. A child acting out in school, throwing a tantrum? Perhaps she yearns to be seen and known, to have some attention. A teenager -or, er, adult - takes 20 selfies before posting the best one? That is a yearning to belong and be accepted. Scrolling through facebook for hours? A yearning to be connected. Nagging your husband? You may yearn to be loved and seen. Withdrawing from your wife? You likely yearn for security.
If we can learn to tie our daily tasks and goals to yearnings that we have, we will get more depth and substance out of life. I have an example: Twice a week I go to orchestra practice. It’s a pain to get there, it takes time and two busses, and most of the time I do not want to go! Because it is so deeply tied to my yearning of connecting, experiencing aliveness, and for the mastery of excellent playing, I have a deeper and higher reason for going. It gets me out of the house and into traffic to make it work, and I love it.
So when I ask…do you ever…Yearn? Of course you do. Look at the goals you have already set for yourself this year and see if you can name what yearnings are they tied to. This should help you stay motivated to stick with it. I hope you will continue to look at your yearnings and continue to make moves every day to take action to meet them.
