My Journey From Corporate Recovery to Presence

Posted on August 23, 2023 by Cole Baker-Bagwell, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I used to believe that if I took a day off, my team, my work and my clients would fall to hell in a hand basket. In 2018, as my Dad fought for his life, I said yes to every meeting. “CB2, coming at you live, from the trauma ICU.” Ego was in charge of my life and it almost killed me. I worked 60+ hour weeks. I said yes to more responsibility and more clients in the midst of a family crisis. I said yes to ‘more’ to prove I was strong- that I was a team player- a loyal employee who belonged in her corporate role. With every ‘yes’, I traveled further away from myself. My priorities were totally f’d and I started suffering from corporate burnout mentally, physically and energetically.

I chased “success” and sacrificed the things I needed to be healthy. I allowed my relationships, sleep, yoga, meditation, the hobbies I loved and my sacred silent time to slowly melt away. My “soul food” took a back seat to “success.” I kept every ball in the air and put myself at the end of the line. I arrogantly believed the world would stop spinning if I dropped a single one. I was ridiculous.

I worked to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. I wound up in a hospital six hours away with blood pressure so high I was kept for two days of observation. I was grounded from flying. My marriage started crumbling. I became a stressed-out shell of myself. When I looked in the mirror, I saw an exhausted woman I pitied and no longer recognized. But hey, I was damn good at my big job. Stepping away was the first courageous step I took in my corporate recovery.

Just before my life totally fell apart, I made a decision that totally changed my life. I stepped away from work for six weeks to support my family and Dad as he recovered from his life-threatening accident. It was the first step to what I call my ‘corporate recovery.’ I briefed my team, trusted them to take over and let go of my sassy ass ego. I powered down my Mac, stuck it in a drawer and permanently set my phone to ‘do not disturb.’ I totally unplugged from work and social media.

Those weeks reminded me that life is precious and that living means being present for life. I remembered that my career was only a small slice of my identity. That perspective was humbling and game changing. I chose to let go of my ego and my need to control. I chose to once again, practice presence. As I let go of all the useless crap I’d been lugging around, the most amazing thing happened. I discovered the presence and peace that I’d been longing for.

I chose to live differently. I slept, meditated and practiced yoga. I spent hours holding my Dad’s hand, supporting my Mom and sitting in silence, tending my soul. I gained clarity and I learned that the world could spin just fine without me. I found the perspective I needed to heal myself, heal my relationships, and devote energy to the people and things that mattered most. Day by day, I found my way back to myself and started living again. I resigned two months later.

During that time, I realized that fear is a liar that keeps us stuck, bound and hopeless. I found courage to choose myself and to pause long enough to remember what truly mattered in my life. I chose to walk away from a super healthy paycheck and the security of a company to live life on my own terms, without any certainty. Five years later, I am present, thriving and grateful as hell for the journey.

• I help people navigate career transition through mindfulness based life coaching. If you’re ready to start a new chapter in your own career, let’s talk.