Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the barest of them all?

Posted on July 19, 2023 by Dr Jackie Lau, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

“Projection is one of the commonest psychic phenomena…Everything that is unconscious in ourselves we discover in our neighbour, and we treat him accordingly…. Not that these others are wholly without blame, for even the worst projection is at least hung on a hook, perhaps a very small one, but still a hook offered by the other person.” ― Carl Jung

What we see in others often serves as a reflection of our relationship with ourselves – the way we connect with others starts with connectedness within.
Let’s suspend any resistance and skepticism for a moment, and be open to the idea that, given the same life experiences, past conditioning, core values, level of consciousness, we would all do exactly the same as another.
To be more specific, what if our tendency to externalize our source of discomfort is the cause AND result of emotions that have been repressed, suppressed and avoided? And the resistance to look within is putting us at a default state of heightened involuntary reactivity? Hence more vulnerable to the temptations of separateness and further externalization?
We therefore see the world through the lens of our unresolved emotions, and are ready to identify anything as triggers for us to react to, as means to release some of the constant tension that we feel. This projection mechanism is often manifested as externalization of the disconnection we feel with ourselves on the inside – subconsciously or unconsciously, we set heavy boundaries with others in order to normalize a sense of disintegration with ourselves.

“When you squeeze an orange, you’ll always get orange juice to come out. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezing. What comes out is what’s inside.” ― Wayne Dyer

Here is an example of a common pattern we go into for nursing our sense of otherness: in order to avoid confronting our inner issues, we create mental scenarios where we conclude another’s identity through selectively labeling their momentary expressions, to which we felt victimized. We then get fixated on our version of the story through perpetually casting ourselves the victim and avoidance of confrontation with another, for consideration and understanding of another’s perspectives in a real conversation may threaten the sense of significance we get from blaming. In time, to stay in the “at effect” position and escape from external and internal confrontation, we go into false acceptance and generalize this projection as the nature of the world.
We have all heard “It is what it is. I have tried and some people are just like this. I pick my battles…with some people, you just have no control.”
What if, as law of attraction puts simply, because we reject and avoid ourselves, we perceive others as rejecting and avoiding us. We are then triggered to reject and avoid others first before feeling our own rejection and avoidance. It is almost like a “self”-regulating feedback loop.
Eventually, the progressive externalization of our feelings and experiences becomes some type of social conditioning in our society ― we all live in a big bubble of choppy connections derived from self-denial packaged as political correctness, comprising smaller isolated bubbles of individuals tiptoeing around shinny mirrors of self-reflection.

Expanding awareness to the impersonal oneness

When I stop believing in opposites, I see myself in all.

Have you ever wondered, that everything we say, know and do is picked up from someone and somewhere else, in order to socialize and be socialized, to condition and re-condition, to learn and unlearn? There is no such actual thing as “my” rituals, “my” ways, “my” life. We all exist in relation and connection to the ever-evolving everything else.
There come the questions “Must I fear what others fear?” “Are my fears even mine?” “If not, where did I pick them up and when do I put them down?”
Consider that – change is natural. There is actually immense energy going into staying the same in stagnation, into resisting the natural waves of change and the rhythm of nature.
Perhaps, ‘I invented nothing’ is a helpful reminder for an ongoing return to flexibility and sensitivity to life.
Since all human experience comes from within, what if we can turn our strength and effort for self-protection and survival reinforcement into power for Self-awareness and unity?

“First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.” ― Donovan Leitch, inspired by Qingyuan Weixin

Unity and oneness is not defined or potentiated by the lack of diversity, or fear of differences, it is an innate place of raw peace and creation that we spontaneously return to, where ego dances, openness and love shines ― all part of the divine play.
Through profound introspection on the paths to inner freedom, one can realize the kind of transcendent connection with the infinite oneness that is within all of us, through which we can connect with each other in a different way, collectively we can have a different kind of power.

“With great power comes great responsibility.” ― François-Marie Arouet (or Uncle Ben in Spider-Man)