Am I Saying the Wrong Thing?

Posted on May 10, 2023 by Frances J Harvey MCLC , One of Thousands of Entrepreneurship Coaches on Noomii.

If you’re white and you are not racist, you support black lives (the PEOPLE) you are compelled to speak out and show support for black people – right? But you’re afraid! You are concerned that WHATEVER you say will come out wrong and offend someone. Am I saying the wrong thing?

If you are a person of color you speak out to stand up for your rights and that you want to be seen and treated fairly, but maybe it comes across as completely different to the white person, then they are offended.

And if you don’t say anything at all, you get thrown into the category of just not caring. This could be true, or could be the furthest thing from the truth! Right?

I’m not gonna lie. I have been struggling with this part.

And so it begins. or continues…
Today, we seem to have lost one of THE most important aspects of the human race…and that is to LOVE people. If we could only get past the walls and division that are up (and have been for so many years) and get back to the basics of what we – as human beings – are made to do and need the love and acceptance from each other, then “saying the wrong thing” wouldn’t ever be an issue.

Think about it. As little children, we naturally played with the other children on our block REGARDLESS, of the color of their skin. Why is this? Because – our nature – the way we were created and designed, is to love and accept one another.

With a small child, all they see is another child and that means playtime.

When Susy’s mom and/or dad said, ok, you can play with Keisha but only in the front yard on our lawn as long as mommy or daddy is outside and can see you.

Keisha’s mom and/or dad say; you must be careful when playing with Susy. Don’t go in her house or backyard. We can’t trust them to treat you fairly.

So now what do Keisha and Susy do?

All of a sudden something is wrong. These two little girls may not know what it is (just yet) but they know that mom and dad believe something is ‘wrong’ with the other child/family. Their innocent acceptance and love have shifted and they don’t know why. This makes them sad.

How very sad and disheartening this is.

So WHAT is this???? THIS – is Systematic…
Sys·tem·at·ic:

formulated as a coherent body of ideas or principles
according to an agreed set of methods or organized plan
Keisha and Susy really don’t even understand what is going on. They only know that they have had fun playing together, they are BFFs and love each other. However, “Mom and Dad” have changed all of that. They have systematically begun to teach their child that because the color of their skin is different, they can no longer treat each other the same.

How incredibly sad and narrow-minded (and racist on both sides) is this?

THIS is how we, as a world, continue to carry on the pattern and the lies that were taught over the last hundreds of years and continue to teach new generations this story that has divided our world. I am not gonna lie. This just breaks my heart and torques my jaw at the same time.

The lack of loving and accepting every person for who they are NO MATTER WHAT OUR DIFFERENCES ARE is the very thing that has brought this world to where we are today.

COLOR: a phenomenon of light
LS Ganapati, Chartered Engineer & Independent Consultant writes this in his article What are the 5 uses of light?

“Color Segregation:
The reflected light falls onto our eyeball and passes the impression to the brain making it look colorful. So it is the ability of the object to absorb some spectra of light and reflect the remaining that makes it look colorful. We would not be able to see the color if the light is absent or our eyes are not functional. Just as there are many different sources of light to see by, there are many different colors to see.” *

Now even though this is actually defining the phenomenon of color and light, I BELIEVE there is a lesson for us here we can learn IF we choose to have our eyeballs open!

For instance, in this sentence he says, We would not be able to see the color if the light is absent or our eyes are not functional. What if we change the word light to love and eyes to heart. Let’s read it that way….

We would not be able to see the color if the love is absent or our hearts are not functional!!

Maybe I’m reaching, but for me….just WOW! We have to have love and open hearts to see color, light, and people!

SHOULD WE SEE COLOR?
Absolutely and 100% “YES” !!!!!!!!

WHY?

Let me give you a little backstory of me.

I am a white girl from California!
I am married to a black man – for 40 years and we are still madly in love. :)… aweeeee…I know! <3
We have two grown sons.
I am somewhat educated about the challenges that black people live with and when and where it all started and comes from…and continues on. I said SOMEWHAT…I STILL have much to learn.
I grew up with my family having wonderful black families as friends.

I am still a white girl!

So you say. That’s nice, why should I care? Well, I want to set the stage to share this.

I have been “part of a black family” for over 40 years (we’ve been together that long), and I am still learning new things about what my husband, sons, family, friends, and colleagues that are black, and how they are challenged to live with.

Because I have been married to my husband this long, I have said… “I don’t ‘see’ color”. It wasn’t meant to be bad or degrading. It was…because I saw “him” as a person, husband, father, and friend rather than a color.

As I was talking to one of my coaching clients, we talked about this. I told her, I literally mean, that is not the first thing I see when I look at him or my boys or for that fact any person of color!

I see their hearts, their eyes, and who they are inside as a person. I ‘do’ see the difference in color when we hold hands, lock arms, or when I look at a picture of us.

Then I am like “Oh yeah…he is black” But I have to laugh because even then not only do I ‘see’ the difference in our color…but he is 6’3 and I am… “damn I’m short” only 5.2!

But back to the conversation with my client.

So my client, Lisa, is a woman of color. She said, BUT I WANT you to see my color. I love my color, it is beautiful! And SHE is beautiful! In other words, to her when I say I don’t see color – she hears I don’t see you!

I sat back and went WHOA, I had no idea that statement could be interpreted that way. It just never dawned on me I might be saying the wrong thing!

I want to keep learning new things that will bring me closer to understanding, accepting, and loving without the influence of this systematic world, and people that are different from me.

So YES…please see color. COLOR IS BEAUTIFUL. Color is light!
If you do, then you won’t have to worry… ‘Am I saying the wrong thing?’

WE CAN BREAK THE CYCLE
I leave you with a challenge. Be someone who changes the cycle of systematic thinking and living.

How?

STOP –
teaching our children – the future generation – that people are different just because of the color of their skin.

START –
teaching our children – Color is beautiful and we are to love people of all colors. Just imagine what this world, the actual landscape, would look like if we had no color. No green grass, no red or yellow roses. No purple flowers (Oh God forbid!!!). No pink, burgundy, blue, peach, brown, black, white, or even chartreuse. BORING!

TEACH –
our children to see Color which is a phenomenon of light.

SHOW –
them that COLOR IS BEAUTIFUL

LOVE ALL PEOPLE!

• Sources:
  Quora com – What-are-5-uses-of-light
  Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash