Let us not shy away from asking - ‘How do you feel?’
Posted on April 17, 2023 by Arunanjali Maria, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
When was the last time you asked yourself or someone else - how are you feeling? What stopped us? Asking this helps us stay in touch more
Susan David in her TED talk says emotions are data, when you label emotions correctly you get the
brain in readiness mode to move into action. She adds : acceptance of the emotions and accuracy
in identifying the right emotion are important for emotional agility. Therefore, concluding – that
emotions are directive, we own our emotions – they don’t own us.
In the book, Creative Visualization that covers the power of Visualization Shakti Gwain – says
human systems move in the direction of the image of the future. If the image of future is not
clear, exploring feelings & emotions helps – asking questions around emotions helps because feelings
acts as wipers and helps sharpen that image of the future. A client is master of intent while a coach
is a master of the process. The past is a story, future is also a story – depending on what story
we say will decide if we are a hero or victim in the future.
Coaching is best at a feeling level. What is it that the client is fearing e.g. Fear of failure or Fear
of insult/humiliation or Fear of falling from one’s own identity and what is the client’s biggest
motivation to overcome this fear? Ask your client what is that emotion telling you – that helps you go
even deeper in exploring.
An example to illustrate the power of emotions/feelings: A client might be anxious when speaking
to a senior manager they don’t get on well with. This affects the Physiology of the body –
increased heart rate, perspiration, stomach churning. This in turn creates an emotional state
in the client – fear or nervousness perhaps. From here the client will develop certain feelings
toward the senior manager. They will also think in a certain way towards this person.
All these are internal manifestations for the client. However, they then become externally
visible in the person’s subsequent behaviours and performance toward and with the manager.
By unpacking and understanding the physiology, emotions, feelings and thoughts the client
can begin to manage and control them more. Thus developing a more healthy approach
and being able to make more healthy informed decisions.
For a coach, identifying key thoughts and feelings with a client open up powerful dialogue.
Understanding and exploring causes, reasons, history builds powerful platforms for the client
developing more logical, rational and meaningful behavioural outcomes. In doing so they create
new neural pathways in the brain which enable more healthy future habits and response
mechanisms to people and situations.
Before delving deeper into a clients thoughts, feelings and emotions the coach has to
establish a strong relationship with the client.
