Finding Connection
Posted on April 05, 2023 by Jill Orsatti, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Feeling deeply connected to another, is what makes our lives worth living. Feeling understood, free from judgement and accepted is the what we seek.
Our world today is pervasive with a feeling of disconnection, judgement, loneliness and being an island. So much can divide us from each other, yet we seek the intimacy and closeness of being valued, loved, liked, accepted and able to be our authentic self with another person.
Finding connection that is safe and in a trusting space is hard to create quickly. It takes some time to walk along with another person through some simple situations at first, gauging how they respond, how they see us, if we look at the world similarly and if we can find some humor along the way. If the simple situations feel good, we begin to trust and continue to get to know each other.
Knowing when to be vulnerable is a tricky thing because no one wants to be hurt and surely no one wants to look foolish. But vulnerability is exactly the core at what will allow others to truly “see” you, to show them who you are, what is important to you, what you value and cherish.
Teaching someone how to treat you is key in the process, so that when you are vulnerable, the response and understanding from the other person is critical. If they aren’t respectful of your words and feelings, then you know that maybe this isn’t the right person for you. If they are and then open up as well, sharing something about themself in return, shows that this relationship has promise. It is critical to try this when the timing is right, not right away. Because without being vulnerable and opening up to another, it is impossible to go deeper to find the true intimacy and connection that we long for in this world. Once it feels good and safe, then it allows you to continue sharing of yourself authentically with them and hopefully them with you. This is how true connection is found.
The next big test is how to disagree on a topic kindly to each other, holding the caring and trust in a safe way, while still being able to voice your opinion and they their opinion. If this can be accomplished the relationship has a good balance of being real and grounded. No one wants to be false to who they are as a person for “approval”. Be gentle with each other, be open to hearing their opinions and trying on what they are saying. Maybe you just say how interesting, rather than actually disagreeing. Openness is great to allow room for both people to be individuals and keep the connection going that you have established.
