In Depth understanding of what Gratitude can bring for your Life

Posted on March 06, 2023 by Adila Vahed Naidu , One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Chapter One – Gratitude for Life Appreciation for your blessings
I am here, and you are reading this for a purpose. It has taken 15 years of my life to meet you. This book is in your hands because you have summoned change into your existence. There is something inside of you that made a serious decision to want something different, to want different results in your life. So embrace this moment, turn each new page of this book as if you were creating a whole new reality for yourself, and usher in a new inner and outer world of change.
From the moment of your birth, your very first existence into this world, your sustenance has been taken care of. Whether it had been by your parents, grandparents, a foster home, or friends, you belonged somewhere and in that somewhere, you were bathed, fed, sheltered, loved & perhaps even educated. Your role in receiving that sustenance, that meal, education & so forth was minimal. It wasn’t your doing. You did not go to work each day, awaiting a paycheck to see to yourself at the age of 5, 10, or even 15. Life had its plan for you & your interference or income was not a part of that plan.
I often reflect back on my childhood. My grandfather had a barber shop on the corner street near our home. My sister and I would walk there every Saturday, very excited to spend some time in his barber shop. We would get to meet people from all walks of life. My grandfather was indeed a unique human being. He attracted many people into his life, every sort you can imagine! And not only into his life, but into that specific barber
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shop. Boy, oh, boy did we have fun there. Every poor man and his dog came in for a free haircut. I’ll tell you something. In that area of Durban, there certainly was no unkempt beggar. Everyone walked about with a neat bed of hair on their head.
I remember asking my grandfather: “Why do you allow these people here? Why do you give them money for alcohol and support their bad habits? Why do you take them to your home when they are so smelly & untidy?’ I still remember his soft and kind smile as he replied; ‘My dear, these very same smelly & untidy people were once normal working class, sane & stable people just like me. Unfortunately, their life experiences and pains brought them to this point. Who are we anyway to judge them? We have no idea what has happened that drove them to drink, drove them to the streets. If I am the only person alive that will support them and accept them for who they are, then so be it’ I didn’t quite understand him back then. I got just of it. But today, I fully appreciate his wisdom and the ‘why’ behind everything he did. He, indeed, was a legend. May the Almighty bless his soul.
Back to the understanding of sustenance. Yup, there certainly is and I thank you for your patience with me. There has got to be a point to this. You see, many of us start worrying about sustenance when we reach a certain age or stage of life. It’s almost as if for as long as we were taken care of and as long as we were dependent, we didn’t need to stress, worry or overthink too much especially when it came to having a roof above our heads or food on the table.
It is only years later when being financially independent, being self-sufficient, being the ‘breadwinner’ are no longer choices but absolute duties for us, was when we start to stress, worry & overthink the ‘how’ This is where the so-called magic comes in. The proper understanding of gratitude. I call it ‘the memory of the heart’
When I finally became more thankful, life changed for me. When I finally made the decision to count every single blessing, each & every person that blessed my life & every beautiful benefit, it made room for more appreciation and less complaint. This is when the wheels started to turn. The realization. It hit me.
I said to myself in 2010, the year my daughter turned 3.
‘If I pay attention to my blessings, my complaints will take care of themselves. More than that, they started to vanish!’ What sorcery was this? I couldn’t believe how simple the formula was. What was the delay? Why did it take so long for me to come to this point? Well, I arrived at it nonetheless, right.
I was in an extremely turbulent marriage of already seven years. Gosh, if ever I had experienced emotional turmoil, it had been in that very relationship. Every aspect of it was toxic. I, too, was contaminated. I learned toxicity. I yearned for the drama that it dished out. I married when I was 17 years old. It just was an unhealthy marriage filled with emotional, mental & physical abuse. I blamed myself a lot. I often felt like a victim. Ok, I always felt like a victim. I was so madly in love that I lacked self-worth, standards, or boundaries. All I knew was that my life was an absolute mess. And no matter how much I tried to ‘fix’ it, it would break some more & more.
It took strength, resilience, self-growth & a massive awakening for me to finally step out of that comfort zone. Believe it or not, it WAS a comfort zone of abuse. Once I did, I never looked back. I started working. I worked hard. On myself. On my healing. In my self-development. But most importantly, I worked on my level of gratitude.
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No matter how rough the storm was, it was my absolute focus on believing in counting my blessings and being thankful for what I had that changed the story of my life.
I knew how I ended up in that marriage. I attracted that energy and that type of person based on my inner world. My inner world was possibly selfish, one sided, misunderstood, uneasy, filled with skepticism, fear, and, well, complaint. Those very beliefs of mine. Those thoughts, actions, and behavior were the perfect fit to attract a like-minded and even more painful person into my life. I don’t blame anyone for that choice. I was dished out exactly what needed to teach me at that point. The excellent news is I hold no grudges or resentment towards anyone associated with that part of my life. I wish them well in every way. I see it as my stepping stones into consciousness.
Complaining is part of human nature. I have yet to meet anyone who is not guilty of the complaint. After all, what will ever make us truly happy and content? When will ever enough be enough? Even if some areas of our lives are thriving, we will go out of our way to find something that isn’t working how we want or expect it to.
Complaining becomes a vicious cycle of patterns for many. It is the reason for so many unbelievable life stories. Until the day we become conscious.
That is when gratitude will overcome complaints.
On that day, a new life story will be born…
In 2011, I opened up my very own business. It was undoubtedly the highlight of my life. Can I resign from a secure 8 to 5 job, risking a stable & consistent income and leaving the hotel industry to hustle it out on my own? It
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How would a divorced single mom of a 3-year-old be able to support herself and her child with no stable income, just the bravo attitude of opening up a new business and waiting and hoping for my first client to sign up.
I decided not to run after my clients—no sales calls. No emails. No marketing. My first decision was to journal. I remember journaling how sincerely thankful I was for my life, meals, shelter, clothing, water and electricity, my daughter, her health and wellbeing, and so forth. My list of gratitude extended beyond three pages! I took that opportunity to be thankful for my sustenance. I was grateful for my future clients, my future income, and my future success.
Within a month, I signed up my first marketing client, bringing me a retainer of just over 12 months of my previous employment salary! I was elated. I cannot explain the feeling.
Again, another real-life experience confirmed my belief regarding the power of gratitude and the abundance it serves.
I was recently in a fascinating discussion with a relative, and we spoke about realistic ways to make a difference in the lives of others. What can one possibly do to let others know they are not victims and should take responsibility for their own lives? I spoke about gratitude and how it can change a person’s life. She then said to me, “Adila,
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Well, that’s certainly a good point. I, for one, cannot even think straight, let alone function when I am hungry. Hunger is certainly an experience that tests us and our temperament. I listened to her question and thought it over.
A few days later, I decided to respond to that thought-provoking question;
‘No matter what situation you are faced with, no matter how awful it is, no matter how painful, heartbreaking or life-shattering it is, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.’
These words are not just words. It is a MINDSET.
It must have taken some very serious complaining and ungratefulness for any human being to suffer so severely when it comes to matters we can change and control. I remember saying to her, “That hungry person will continue to sabotage themself for as long as they cannot look for even a single thing to be thankful for. For in thankfulness lies abundance, and there will always be a way for anyone in need.’ Based on our mindset, we enter into a world creating that sort of reality.
When a man is hungry or homeless, he is left with minimal choices. When he cannot physically do anything to change his situation, all he is left with is himself. In that space, he has the ability tocan think. At that time, he has the
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There is nothing and nobody in any corner of this world that the Almighty does not know about – whether he is suffering or enjoying life. And there is no creation on Earth or in the Universe that is not aware of God and His Infinite Divine Intelligence, as He exists within his creation. The lesson here is – no matter how bad the situation may seem, if you cannot think of being grateful, at least think of God. That alone is appreciation. In the remembrance of God, battered hearts find rest. There will be food for this man. There is abundance in the Universe for every creation that exists. If you do not want something, why would it come to you? If you are not appreciative of what you are and what you have, of what use will more of anything be to you?
The first step to being grateful is to make a list of everything that you already have. This can and should include your job, education, food, shelter, clothing, electricity, your spouse, religion, parents, family, children, siblings, health, car, your five senses that allow you to see, smell, hear, taste and feel…the list can seem infinite when you start to write it all down. Begin with identifying everything that you do have that you need to be grateful for and then be truly grateful for it. How? By feeling grateful. The appreciation that you think and feel needs to flow through each cell within your body. You first make a decision about your thoughts and channel your thoughts towards gratitude. These thoughts will be followed by a belief that you are indeed a grateful person. Soon afterwards, you will begin to feel grateful because your thought, belief and emotion will lead to actions and the behaviour of a grateful person. At first, you might find there is no congruence in thinking, feeling and believing. It is always messy at the beginning of this journey. How does one convince himself that he is
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Changing your reality
No matter who you are, what you do, or what circumstances your life includes, you can transform your reality. Being grateful will change your entire life. Analyse the current situation of your life in all areas, including those of finance, health, relationships, career and home. Once you identify which area of life is lacking and requires change, it is that specific area that is actually asking for more appreciation from you. Think of the ocean and it’s abundance. Can we ever say that there is not enough water in the ocean for everyone? Similarly, there is abundance beyond measure in this world. More than we know. If you approach the ocean with a little cup, that is all you will be able to fill and leave with. If you create a pipeline into the ocean, no matter how much you take, there will still be enough for you and everyone else. This is the power of gratitude. The allowance and understanding that you are capable of changing your life. All it takes is a little bit of homework, the intention to change your mindset & the actions to follow that into a realistic experience.
Each area of your life contributes to your success and your desire for inner peace. If your relationship is not fulfilling, you will experience emotional turmoil and unhappiness. If you do not have enough money to pay the bills, you will experience stress and tension. If your health is deteriorating, you will lack concentration and energy. If you dislike your job, you will wake up
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In 2006, I worked at a very fancy 4 star hotel. It was about a 40 minute drive from my home. I did not have a car at the time. I was in a very basic reception position & I commuted back and forth daily with a colleague. This colleague of mine was in a higher position, earning a higher salary, had her own car & was someone I admired and aspired towards becoming at some point. My shift ended at 3pm. Hers ended at 5pm. I waited patiently the extra 2 hours to get my lift back home. I would help her administration & other duties so that we could leave promptly at 5pm.
I am sure you know the feeling of knowing that your work time is up and then 2 hours later, you are still at work! I was tired, frustrated & I would sometimes cry in the staff bathroom. The reason was because we would sometimes only leave work around 6 or 7pm at night. She either had paperwork to do, or fill in for someone or complete tasks. It was the longest wait of my life back then.
How did I end up in a situation like this? What was I willing to do to change it? How far was I willing to go? How much inner work was needed?
Ofcourse, I realised that turning my eyes inward was the only solution for this reality of mine to change.
So I turned to my gratitude journal. Everyday, I wrote down how thankful I was for my colleague. I was thankful for her providing me with transport. I was thankful for my job, my income, my situation & circumstance.
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‘Changing your inner world, your own thoughts, outlook, beliefs, actions & behavior brings change in your outer world’
When we change the way we think, we must start slow and steady. It is not an overnight process. We work on the frontal lobe on our brain. We create new neural pathways. We send new messages to the subconscious mind. It is a re-programming that takes place. A beautiful awakening. A consciousness. An understanding that takes us and wakes us into a new dimension of thought. It does not happen at the snap of fingers! Most definitely not. It is a seeded process. A step by step commitment.
3 Simple steps that can assist with changing the basic thought processes from complaint into appreciation:
• When you wake up each morning, bless the morning light and give thanks for being alive to see another day.
• Each step you take should be filled with thankfulness, from the time you put on your shoes, through your morning ablutions, eating breakfast and en route to work.
• Repeat the words “Thank you, thank you, thank you” as you identify your blessings.
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Gratitude for my Income
Do you work in a job that leaves you dissatisfied? Do you find yourself waking up each morning, with a sense of irritation and foreboding clouding your perspective for the day ahead? The thought of the same routine, office, demanding boss and irritating colleagues fills you with dread, and the notions of office gossip and not having enough time for yourself, weigh you down.
All of this, coupled with a salary that seems insufficient, leads you to compare your life with others and you’re left feeling ungrateful. You may even consider yourself a victim of a system you have no control over. At some point, your negative thoughts will reflect in your actions, and you may end up being unproductive and disillusioned.
Heard of the famous saying? ‘What you think about, you bring about’ There has got to be some evidence for this right? I always wondered how it is possible that my thoughts have the power to affect my outer reality. Trust me when I say this. I have been in the ‘system’ of employment. I started experimenting with this thing called ‘work’ around the age of 12. I would volunteer my services at a community radio station during each school vacation for the month of December.
This habit continued through to the age of 16. For those years, each holiday was spent learning about advertising, marketing & radio station operations. That experience earned me a certificate of excellence and zero
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I could go into great detail about my working years. Eventually, I entered the world of employment and it taught me many valuable lessons. I too, experienced the frustration, the irritation, the dissatisfaction, the complaints & the annoyances that the package of employment usually comes with. It is not something you are warned about. It is not something that tertiary education prepares you for. It is an ‘experience’ Each one experiencing their own experience based on their inner world.
I am certain that many of you reading this book are probably still in the system of employment. Infact, you currently understand it way better than I do. My life of being employed ended when I turned 23. This year, I celebrate 10 years of self-employment. That is a story for another day.
What will you do to change the current situation? Remember – I said it earlier – every situation can and will change if you want it to be different from what it is right now. What If I told you that maybe, just maybe one of the probable causes for your dissatisfaction could be linked to a level of ingratitude? How does that thought sit with you?
What if changing the way you feel, think and believe about your job could possibly make this job one of the most amazing experiences of your life?
All it takes is a few simple steps. Ofcourse, if you know me by now, you know that expressing congruent and sincere thankfulness is at the top of the to do list.
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An unhappy employed father of 2:
“Hi. My name is Peter. I am the head of my department at my firm. I have been here for the past 11 years. I am highly upset at the fact that my boss could employ a newbie who knows absolutely nothing about procurement and pay him more knowing that I have spent my life dedicated to this firm & I should have gotten that position. I feel unappreciated here. Not a single day have I said no to any of the extra tasks given to me. My company vehicle has had its day. They would not even look at getting me a better car. I feel frustrated here. I deserve more than this. People take advantage of me. My life is such a disaster’
Now, let’s pretend that Peter finally had enough and one of his closest friends offered him an opportunity to speak to someone about his ‘problems’
After almost 3 months of therapy & coaching, Peter was asked to write his new story about his job. He now understood the power of reframing, reprogramming & mindset REset.
Here is what Peter wrote;
‘Hi! My name is Peter & I work for an amazing company. I absolutely appreciate my job and my income. This job allows me to support my family, pay all of my bills & live with contentment. I do not have to pay for a car as my company takes care of that for me. I am truly thankful that I have a job and an income despite the economic crisis. There are probably individuals with far worse situations. I have days that are good and I have days that are not so good but I embrace them equally and completely understand the
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10 power steps that helped Peter overcome his victim mentality;
1. Letting go of old limiting beliefs
2. Writing those beliefs down and questioning them.
3. Creating new beliefs and being willing to look into them.
4. No judgement and criticism towards others in his environment.
5. More focus on the inner world of thoughts
6. Questioning thoughts & breaking them down into segments before
accepting them as true.
7. Choosing to break free from old cycles and patterns of disservice to
oneself.
8. Appreciating every single blessing and stowing away the list of
complaints.
9. Becoming a conscious person who is aware of when he is
complaining and then actively reframing those thoughts.
10. Seeing the external world as a mirror of what needs to be
internally changed within.
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A constant path.
A journey into consciousness.
An embedding into the subconscious
Call it what you need to.
The results of it is the life that you will live. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Earlier on, I mentioned the new job that I got closer to home. Well, it was with the very same company, just a transfer to another hotel under the same hotel chain.
The chances of that position becoming available was zero to none. The marketing manager that filled that position had been there since forever. She was part of the furniture there. Everyone knew that she would be at that hotel for years to come. She had the skill, the experience, expertise & the tenacity for that gorgeous hotel & the challenges and demands that it came with. I was based at another property. The 40 minute drive away from home – one. Ofcourse, the first prize for me was to move closer to home. I loved the company that I worked for. It allowed me much experience & opportunity in the hotel industry. All I wanted was to be closer to home. Typically, I journalled. I was thankful under all circumstances. For my life, my failing marriage at that time, my job, my daily commuting. I was very specific in my gratitude. I thanked the Almighty for my new job. But specificity was at the top of my mind always. I specifically was thankful for that specific job at that hotel, in the position
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Within 2 and a half months, the marketing manager was offered a position & price that she could not refuse. I applied for her job. I was appointed within minutes of the interview. The salary that I was offered was the exact matching amount to what I was thankful for just 2 months earlier through my journaling. Was I surprised? I can’t really call it surprised. By then, I knew the depth & magnificence of appreciation. I was excited, happy & filled with joy because I knew that life was bringing forth an external reality that matched my inner world perfectly. It also made me work much harder on journaling about my toxic relationship, which took a little longer to change. I guess my emotional healing needed much more attention than I thought.
That being said, I want you to know that whatever your situation is right now. It has the opportunity to change. Your level of gratitude or complaint equals to whatever it is you may be facing right now. Take a few minutes.
Grab some pen and paper.
Write down the areas of your life that need improvement. Ask yourself some thought provoking questions. Start the journey into consciousness…
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
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Relationships. The one part of our lives that is inevitable. Unless of course, we decide to run off & isolate on some island that has no sign of humans!
Connecting with people whether it is in love or other, is part of our human make-up. I am sure you have heard of familiarity breeds contempt. And so, relationships are turbulent.
As humans, we engage in all sorts of relationships. Whether it is with parents, siblings, spouses, friends, family, children, grandchildren or colleagues. We are constantly in communication with living breathing human beings. Each relationship comes with its own territory, its own positioning, its own challenges, understanding and dynamic. Some are extremely toxic and painful, some are intolerable & miserable, some are beautiful & loving, others are confusing and complicated. We spend our entire lives in and out of different kinds and types of relationships with people.
So what exactly am I getting at?
Imagine if I ask you to appreciate someone who has brought you nothing but pain & torment in your life?
Imagine if I said that the only way to detach and heal from the person that broke you or hurt you is to appreciate them?
I guess you would want to take my own book and thump me over the head with it!
What craziness is this?
Why would anyone want to express thankfulness towards or for anyone who has brought them a great deal of pain or discomfort?
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If appreciating someone that hurt you would bring you freedom, peace, contentment, strength & detachment, would you do it?
I’m asking endless questions. It is solely to get your mind working. If that is not happening for you, grab some coffee or tea and make a decision to stretch that amazing mind of yours like a rubberband. There is no such thing as a silly question. Every question awakens and opens our minds to explore more deeper parts of ourselves and be willing to ask
‘what if?’
Someone wise once said: ‘What you resist shall persist and what you embrace will resolve itself’
If there is anyone right now in your life that is adding to your levels of stress & misery, think of that person. Let their name come up for you.
Now say, …….(insert their name here), I appreciate you for ……… (list a minimum of 5 good things)
Eeek! I know. I never said this was going to be easy. Remember, stretch the mind like a rubberband. You have come this far. Do not stop now.
When we resist people, especially those whom we know we fight an endless battle with, guess what? They never go away. They stay. And they bring more havoc and turbulence. You may find things simmering down for a while but before you know it, something strikes again and the vicious cycle continues. It is a never ending pattern that refuses to go away. That is no way of living!
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Embracing a situation does not make us weak. It does not label us as a failure. It does not take away our self respect or dignity. Embracing a situation or a person means we choose to surrender ourselves to our inner world. We turn our eyes inward and search for ‘why’ is the mirror still reflecting so much pain and discomfort. We no longer point a finger. We stop playing the blame game. We stop looking for 101 excuses. We embrace the current reality of our lives for what it is and who it brings and from there, we start the homework.
Journaling gratitude and identifying the goodness in the person (even if it is that which we can count on one hand) but doing it anyway. Besides journaling, but feeling, thinking, believing and actioning accordingly. Letting go of the fight. Choosing to listen than to talk. Choosing to focus on our blessings. Before you know it, one of 2 things will happen.
Either the person will leave our lives & disappear into the unknown and find their own path OR they will change themselves to become better beings for us to con-exist with. One of these 2 outcomes are guaranteed.
Luckily, in my case, I exited myself from the person’s life and they became nothing but valuable life lessons which to this day, I appreciate.
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Money is a sensitive topic for most people. For some reason, money has a way of making situations, relationships & communication awkward. Weird even! You could be in the best friendship and let money be borrowed or lent, the dynamic of that friendship changes. Many may disagree with me. That’s perfectly fine. I speak on behalf of the majority of stories and understanding regarding this topic of money. Our thoughts and beliefs about money is something that we must regularly and consistently question and ponder about. As we evolve through our life journey, our viewpoint, our thoughts and our beliefs evolve too. Questioning those beliefs impact our relationship with money and hugely determines the abundance or lack thereof. Many call it ‘money psychology’
Just as one enjoys or maintains a healthy relationship with people, so too should one consider entering into, enjoying and maintaining a healthy relationship with money.
So, how about we explore some negative money beliefs that people hold; ‘Money is not easy to come by’
‘Money does not grow on trees’
‘I never have enough money’
‘I have to work so hard for money’ ‘Money is the devil’
‘Money makes people greedy’ ‘Money is not everything in life’
‘I don’t need money’
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What if money responded to this person’s belief like this;
‘Since I am the devil, you say you do not need me, you say that I am not everything in life, you say I am difficult, you feel that I impact lives negatively and make people greedy and you feel like you can live without me so what purpose am I serving in your life anyway? What is the point of me being here? I might as well get away from you and leave your life. I do not want to be here. Where I am not respected, unwanted and treated this way’
Would you agree with me that money responded accordingly towards its ‘partner’ in this relationship?
I would think so. And then money fifulls all of those beliefs of that human. It stays clear of them. It keeps up to all of the beliefs. And why then, are we surprised when we do lack money whilst holding beliefs like the above?
Now, let’s look at person number 2 and his beliefs about money, shall we? ‘I love money’
‘Money brings me happiness and joy’
‘When I have money, I feel abundant and successful’
‘I deserve money’
‘Money enters my life easily and flows to me unconditionally’
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‘I easily and abundantly make money everyday’
And once more, let us explore money’s response to person number 2 based on the above beliefs they hold;
‘Thank you for appreciating and acknowledging my role and importance in your life. Yes, I fulfill your needs & necessities and I am glad that you accept the place that I hold in your life. I commit to continuous flow into your life as a result of your thankfulness towards and for me. This is such a wonderful relationship. This appreciation of my purpose in your life not only makes me want to stay in your life but more than that, I want to always be abundant and flowing for you whenever you need me’
Wow! Isn’t that such a great relationship and understanding? I think you get the idea by now. Money psychology, our relationship with money is important. The beliefs we hold about money are valid and substantial. Explore those beliefs. Question them. Correct them. Re-establish them. Change them. And most importantly, be thankful for the money that you have been blessed with and the money that is still to enter your life.
I will let you in on a secret. For the past 10 years of my life, I have kept every single receipt from every single purchase that I have ever made. You may find this hard to believe but I have no reason to lie.
Whether it was buying a loaf of bread or an expensive pair of shoes, I kept the receipt. For what crazy reason right? Why would anyone keep 10 years worth of receipts of purchases…
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When we receive a receipt, it means a payment was made by us. The receipt as it is called is an acknowledgement of payment.
How was it possible for me to pay that bill and receive a receipt? With money ofcourse. Where did that money come from? Well, over the years the sources varied across different scope of work across my business ventures. That is not even the point.
Me ‘keeping’ each receipt cemented my beliefs about money and my sincere appreciation towards the money that entered my life which allowed me to pay for those items.
I then took each receipt and wrote on them. Yes! On every single one. I write on it ‘Thank you, Thank you!’
To this day, my husband, my siblings, those closest to me and even my coaching clients, know this about me. Not only do I keep every receipt, but I write the words ‘thank you’ on every single one.
Ofcourse, I have gotten rid of those receipts as they piled up over the years but if ever you find one of them that belonged to me, you will see my handwriting with ‘thank you’ on it.
I truly and sincerely believe that that tiny act of appreciation has contributed towards the rhythm and flow of money that continuously enters my life.
Although, I said earlier that it is my secret. I share this practise with every one of my clients and those that care enough to improve their relationship with money, have also done it and have seen the change. They have spent it too! Go on, give it a try.
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I want to close this chapter of gratitude with some insights that I hope you
find useful and beneficial to your life.
Life is a pendulum. It is a duality of experience. There is no pleasure without pain. There is no sadness without joy. There is no hardship without ease. There is no success without failure.
It is part of our life experience.
We must embrace challenges with open arms just as we embrace goodness and abundance.
Removing the label from the experience helps.
Saying ‘this is an experience which I will overcome’ is reframing the belief or statement of ‘I cannot believe this is happening to me’
Every experience teaches us new things, new learnings, new insights and lessons about ourselves, about others, about our choices, beliefs and actions that we may not have been fully aware of previously.
The next time life throws a curveball your way and you feel as if you are drowning, or you feel incapable or stuck, be sure to remember to stop yourself. Count your blessings. Look around you.
Look at everything you do have. Write it down. List them so that you can see it on a page in front of you.
Every single blessing must be remembered, considered and thought of.
As that consciousness and reminder brings us to the realisation that no matter how difficult this particular situation proves to be, I choose to be thankful under all circumstances.
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What happens when recalling past traumatic experiences, baggage, pain & torment becomes our present moment?
Let me explain.
I have met many many people in my life who have had the same ‘life language’ something that goes like this;
‘You do not know how hard my life was. I suffered throughout my life. My marriage was so difficult. I spent my years taking care of everyone. My in-laws treated me so badly. I went through hell and back. If I had to tell you about my pain and suffering, I would need a lifetime and that wont be enough. I can never forgive him/her for what he/she did to me. To this day, I think about everything that happened. I can forgive but I will never forget’
Come on, you got to admit this. In your lifetime, you must have met someone with the above kind of ‘life language’ It’s like a record on repeat.
That person is so stuck in the past and so consumed by their pain that the ‘victim’ mentality does not allow them to see passed that ‘past’
They are hardly living in the present moment. Perhaps, physically eating, drinking, sleeping and functioning. But not living, BE-ing, existing, enjoying, embracing their present moment. Being stuck in one’s past can sabotage not only the present but the future as well.
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Which brings me to the point of being present. Appreciation is inclusive of ‘living in the present moment’
If you are eating, eat.
If you are sleeping, sleep.
If you are spending time with someone, do just that.
You are probably saying well of course when I am eating, I eat.
That is questionable. The mind is elsewhere most times of our life. It is either stuck in the past or it is in the future. It is hardly in this very moment. This moment, these words. You. Here. Now. Free of every other thought. Just reading this book.
This present moment was once your ‘future’ that you use to think about in the past. So in essence, you are living in your future. But in reality, you are in the present moment.
The past cannot be changed. In no way do I tell you to consider your past trauma and pain irrelevant. It is VERY important to ‘see what’s back there’ and this is why people like me are here. To help you, to guide you, to take you back there safely and help you to heal from that pain and trauma. But what we won’t do is allow you to dwell there and make it your home. For if you do, you will never live in this present moment.
As for the future, we are yet to discover the secrets of time travel so we cannot skip ahead and sculpt the future. We can plan in the present
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That being said, we cannot change the past, we cannot step into the future. What are we left with?
This present moment. The power of ‘now’
What is the ‘best practise’ that we could consider implementing in the ‘now’?
Appreciation. Sincere and absolute appreciation for what we have been blessed with.
In the present moment, all problems dissolve. Problems are mostly created in our minds, based on our perceptions, understanding & belief systems on any single matter.
When we are fully present, when we are truly thankful, even those ‘ideas’ and ‘thoughts’ and ‘beliefs’ about our problems no longer hold any power or relevance.
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1. Make a list of all of your problems – be as specific and detailed as possible. You can include your emotional state into this list.
2. Make a list of all of your complaints – be as specific and detailed as possible. You can include the people, the circumstances, the backstory and everything that you want which is related to your complaints.
3. Fold both lists and place it into a box and close the lid of that box and put it away in a safe place where you can easily find it when you are done with your homework below.
Now, over the next 10 days, your homework is simple;
1. Make a list every single day of a minimum of 50 things you can be and you are thankful for.
You might think that this is such a tedious task.
How do I come up with 50 things every day for 10 days?
Well, you are more than welcome to repeat the items each day. But it is compulsory that the homework is done individually each day throughout the 10 day period.
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1. To not miss a single day of writing
2. To stretch your mind as far as possible to find things, people and
situations to be thankful for.
3. To focus solely on your gratitude and to forget about the box of
problems/Complaints for 10 consecutive days.
To make things easier for you, I have given you an example which you can follow;
17t​ h​ October 2020
Dear God, Universe, Infinite Intelligence, thank you for my life, my breath and my beautiful health which keeps me alive, Thank you.
Dear God, Universe, Infinite Intelligence, thank you for my home, the food that I eat daily, this shelter that you provide, clothing, electricity and water, Thank you.
Dear God, Universe, Infinite Intelligence, thank you for my parents, spouse, children, siblings and their well-being, their perfect health, their education and their provisions that you ordain, Thank you.
Dear God, Universe, Infinite Intelligence, thank you for my job which brings me this salary and allows me to pay my bills each month and provides me with comfort and allows me to take care of myself and help others, Thank you.
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You can expand on that list and get it to 50 and more.
You may go into specifics with regards to people, their names, their contribution and role in your life.
You can be as creative as you want with this.
Make it count.
Once 10 days have passed and your homework is done, I personally invite you to make contact with me and submit your 10 days of gratitude to my mail inbox.
Once I receive your list, I will gladly respond and offer you a COMPLIMENTARY telephonic or online call via zoom to go through your gratitude list.
That call is my GIFT to you for getting through these 50 pages & for putting what I have taught you into practise. Please remember to have your box of problems/complaints with you during that call as I would love to offer you a FREE Coaching session as we open that box together & look at some useful tools, techniques & strategies which you can put into motion to enhance and further develop your levels of appreciation,
My email address is ​bookings@thecoachsa.co.za or you can find me on facebook as ‘The Coach SA’
I am available on instagram as @thecoach_southafrica
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I appreciate that you have signed up to receive this short e-book and most importantly, I appreciate the time you have taken to read this and make a decision to want something more for yourself, for your life and for the future that is still to come.
This chapter on gratitude is one of 7 other chapters which cover different areas of our lives. Please connect with my team and I if you are as excited as we are about transformation & ofcourse, if you would like to continue your growth journey with us.
You are more than welcome to start with the FREE Coaching Call that I am offering you once your 10 days of gratitude journaling is complete.
Love & Light, Adila
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