Let. It. Go.

Posted on February 17, 2023 by Bryan Yates, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.

I carry this one medallion coin in my pocket at all times. It’s an illustration of the Buddha with the words “You need to let that shit go” written on it. It has the same message on both sides, which is a constant reminder to keep turning “it” over, to keep letting things go. I usually have a couple extra along for the ride … in case I meet someone who inspires me or who is maybe circling around in their spiral of their circumstances. Certainly, every person I’ve ever coached has gotten one at some point.

This time of new year’s resolutions, my inner “happy skeptic” is little extra activated. I say this to you with a compassionate smile in my heart. Those resolutions you’re contemplating aren’t going to materialize. That may be true for a solid 95% of you. Really focus in on that tickle of a thought rattling around in your brain—getting a new job, losing that weight, finding the ideal partner, getting healthier, having more life-work balance, winning that big race, starting a morning routine to “crush the day.” It’s not going to happen.

“You don’t know me, Bryan? Sheesh, you’re a mean coach!” It’s not because you’re incapable of accomplishing them. At a cellular level, I KNOW that you ARE exceedingly CAPABLE of accomplishing the POWERFUL.

The challenge is that YOU don’t actually believe it. Just as I know at cellular level that you can reach great heights, you’ve unconsciously been telling yourself at the same cellular level all the ways you’re limited. You just can’t see it. It’s true, and I don’t need a psychological study to confirm it. I’ve spent a long time consulting businesses and coaching executives, managers, endurance athletes, and everyday people hoping to do exciting things in their lives. Ten years of owning fitness studios in Los Angeles was study enough. On January 1st the rooms were flooded beyond capacity by people bursting with the enthusiasm of hope and resolve. By January 13, 60% of those people were gone. Statistically, I watched this same routine play out year after year.

It’s not a problem of willpower. The problem is that our willpower is no match for the inertial energy of how our DEEPLY EMBEDDED inner voices shape our behaviors in ways we can’t even fully see. I have found that it’s true most of us don’t know ourselves as clearly as we believe. I’ve experienced this profoundly in my own life. How can we see it if we’ve conditioned ourselves by doing the same things over and over? As individuals, we bring these into our work, our teams, our projects, our organizations. We can’t help but institutionalize the unconscious patterns.

There are many reasons for why we can’t make our resolutions really take root. Here are a few that come to mind this morning.

1. We’re not truly aware of our deep motivations, fears, expectations, and intentions. These keep us from an “unshakeable belief.”
2. We don’t know how to disrupt those patterns that we can’t really see. This takes working with another human. No app in the world is going generate systemic internal transformation.
3. We try to add more to our lives when we should be letting go.