3 Things to Know Before Seeking Coaching

Posted on December 14, 2022 by Josh Simon, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

For some folks, deciding to get help on daunting challenges in Life is a big step. Not everyone is willing to put their heart on their sleeve and go for it. What would it take to push that over the line and make more people say “Yes” to getting a partner to help them navigate a pressing challenge? Even once the decision is made, how does someone begin to find a coach?

The best thing to do is begin at the beginning, which perhaps means sitting down and having a good think about it. Specifically, there are three things that can jumpstart that thought processes, once they are understood:

What is your goal?
Coaching is always about the goal. That is not, however, to assert that goals are always monetary or physical, quite the contrary. It is true that some people seek coaches in order to better their income, and that’s fine. For the right people getting the right help from the right coaches, it can work well. Nevertheless, goals can often speak to more subtle aspects of the Self.

For people seeking coaches, there is often something in the way of the goal. Usually (meaning almost always), that something is mental or emotional. If this was not the case, a coachee could just get information, do the thing, and be done, but things do not usually work that way. Imagine telling a smoker, “Hey, just stop smoking!” Good luck with that. Smoking is a multi-faceted issue for many people, as an example.

No, the obstacle in the way is often deeply rooted and an objective third-party view is needed sometimes to help bring it out of the client. Sometimes, the goal can be to simply find out what that thing is which is blocking the client. In fact, that can be an admirable goal. Becoming aware of the blockage often goes a long way towards clearing it.

So, while it is not completely necessary to have a well-formed and detailed goal before going to a coach, it is usually helpful beforehand to have some idea of what you want to do or know or feel at some future time, so you can get help with it.

Different coaches do different things.
One size does not fit all. There are generalized coaches, but they don’t often have too many clients. Each coach has a byline of sorts, i.e. a one-liner that expresses the kind of clients they take and what they do for them. Some have a couple different one-liners that they portray in different spaces, but nevertheless, the successful good coaches focus. Never feel bad about asking a coach for their byline. Take it as a flag if they don’t have one.

As an aside, my byline for this arena is “I coach professionals who are in transition at their job or career, so they can find more fulfillment in Life.”
Obviously, the coach’s one-liner should fit what the client wants to do, or at least it should not be too far off from it. If your case is special, it is also acceptable to ask a coach if they think they could take a client outside their purview. Ideally, however, it is best to find a coach that specifically fits the area where the coaching is needed, and it is helpful to ask around to find a coach that does. Most coaches know a lot of other coaches.

Coaching is not teaching or therapy.
This is probably the most important thing to understand. Coaches are neither teachers or therapists. Both the coach and the coachee must know this.

Teaching is a simple concept. The teacher says, “You do what I say, and if you do it right, you will one day be like me!” That can also be a way of thinking about mentors. Coaching is not that. Coaches do not teach unless specifically requested.

Therapy is another matter too. In therapy, a person has some malady in the mental space. Think of it like you would think of a cold or a flu, or in extreme cases, cancer of the body. Just like the case with the body and medical treatment, therapy is treatment of the mind. There is a sickness. The sickness gets treated. The sickness heals or is managed. This often requires a lot of digging, or what one could call “psychological archeology” on a person’s psyche.

Coaches do not do psychological archeology. If you come to me and say you are having a lot of anxiety, I’m not going to spend 20 sessions with you to find out it was a parent who caused it (hypothetically). The cause of the anxiety may inadvertently be found through questioning about other aspects of the client’s behavior and goal, but it is not the focus of the inquiry. Finding the cause would just be gravy. Treating the anxiety is the job of a therapist, not a coach.

Instead of mentoring and treating, coaches coach. That means they partner with you to explore your options and help you look at something from different viewpoints. They listen deeply to what you are saying and make connections with you. In a session, you might not remember what you said to me 24 minutes ago, but I do, and if that thing contradicts what you said 24 seconds ago, I’m going to point that out and see what we can do with that kind of data to help you. There’s no judgement. There’s no advice. There’s listening and connecting the dots, so you can solve the problem on your own through careful questioning.

In the end, when it comes to coaching, it is helpful to understand your own intentions. Do you want to be taught? Do you want to be treated? Or do you want to be coached?