We Are All Genuinely Inauthentic, in My Humble but Expert Opinion

Posted on November 17, 2022 by Sabrina Sourjah, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.

You are inauthentic. Yes, you. And me. And everyone around us.

We’re not all inauthentic to the same level. Some of us are knee-deep, while some of us are drowning and gasping for air.

Inauthentic doesn’t necessarily mean ingenuine in my verbiage. It simply means not having access to your truest self. Sometimes, you know this but don’t know what to do about it. Other times, you have no clue that you’re following someone else’s script.

If we don’t realize where we’re being inauthentic and work on becoming more authentic in that area, we will end up living a life that won’t matter to us in the end. I know how this feels as I’ve lived that life.

I worked in corporate jobs for ten years, although my heart was in writing and helping people one-on-one. I hung out with friends who had traditional values, although that didn’t align with my value system. I hid parts of me my family and friends disapprove of.

But can anyone really blame us for our inauthenticity?

=> We are born as a clean slate

You are born with a certain genetic makeup, parts of your nervous system, and experiences from your past lives (if you believe in that sort of thing). Apart from that, you know nothing much.

You learn to walk, talk, read, eat, and a plethora of other things from people around you, mainly your primary caregivers. In addition to basic life skills, our caregivers also teach us about the world. They teach us if this world is a friendly or evil place.

We’re mostly a web of other people’s thoughts, opinions, and directions. And they are a web of people in their lives.

When we go to school, teachers and our peers have their way with us. This continues all our lives at university, at work, and elsewhere as our brains continue to create new pathways throughout our lives.

Essentially, we’re mostly a web of other people’s thoughts, opinions, and directions. And they are a web of people in their lives. The pattern continues. Well, this is all well and good. We live as a community, after all.

But we become more and more inauthentic when we simply embrace all opinions and thoughts tossed our way, especially from people we want to impress. Or when we don’t consider if what they are implying feels right because we haven’t been taught to do so in our childhoods.

When I was a child, I don’t ever remember being asked by elders if a particular task or decision felt right to me. I was told what to do, and that was that. As a result, I used to harbor a lot of beliefs that weren’t even mine.

For instance, until recently, I believed that cooking was such a hard and uninteresting chore. But during a meditation session, I realized that this wasn’t truly my belief. It was something I had picked up from seeing my mother complain about cooking. I believe that cooking can be a fun exploration essential for my self-care.

Inauthenticity is so ingrained in us that it’s not always easy to notice when you’re not being inauthentic.

=> Signs that you’re being inauthentic

Most of us hate to admit that we’re being inauthentic. It’s hard to accept that we are not really our most authentic selves at all times.

After leaning into my highest self (or my innermost voice), I have become better at spotting when I’m inauthentic. A few months back, I listed down all the times when I have been inauthentic in the past. Perhaps, this list may help you lean into your inauthenticities too.

1. When I have to tell people about my divorce because it’s uncomfortable and it makes me feel like a failure.

2. When my parents or other elders have very opposing views, I don’t want to get into a conflict with them.

3. When I post on social media, I try to be upbeat without complaining or showing too many negative emotions.

4. When I see racism or any other isms among friends and acquaintances, I don’t call it out at times because I don’t want to rock the boat.

5. At times, I water down my blog posts to protect the image of people in my life. In the process, I’m softening stories and being inauthentic to myself.

6. Feeling lonely can make me settle for friendships and relationships, and settling is not being authentic to me. It’s more like being authentic to my fears.

7. If I’ve been really busy, I often find myself pleasing people or being aggressive at the cost of my real values.

8. Certain people keep violating my boundaries because I set them too late or have not enforced the consequence of violating my boundaries in the past. Continued violations trigger me, and I act out of alignment with my true self.

9. Raised voices and logical assertiveness turns me off because these are triggers from my past. So, I tend to give in and keep the peace despite my truth.

I have observed a few overall themes for inauthentic situations in myself and my clients:

- Fear of not being accepted
- Overwhelm and exhaustion (part of the always-busy life)
- Fear of disrespect
- Do these resonate with you?

=> Takeaway:

When you live a life that’s not a true expression of your values, disharmony will fill every inch of your life. The worst-case scenario is for you to live your life with this disharmony and arrive at death, having wasted away your days to please society.

The first step to becoming more authentic is to accept that we’re being inauthentic in some instances. Once we accept this truth, the path to accessing our truest selves becomes clearer.