American, Land of the Depressed

Posted on September 02, 2022 by Amy Sellers, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.

I recently returned from a solo trip to the mountains of Breckenridge, Colorado. I soared on a bike, hiked until my legs hurt, met dozens of fellow free spirits, and unplugged from the high-paced pressures of the world for a few days. To feel such freedom and then return to a typical residential American neighborhood caused me a few days of post-vaca blues. “THIS is the land of the free?” was a repeating thought of mine for the first few days. Within 72 hours of returning home, one neighbor reported us to the HOA committee for having a palm tree in a backyard, another neighbor informed my husband that “his wife wore sandals and no helmet” while riding her little scooter around town, and a pediatrician informed my toddler that carrots dipped in ranch was an unhealthy snack, because, Ranch. If you’re not following the common feature in all these experiences, let me help you along. 1) Every one of these incidents stemmed from the idea that ‘where advancement and improvement’ can be made, ‘advancement and improvement’ should be made. 2) Every one of these mindsets assumed that a truth held for oneself should be a truth held for all. Truth be told, I have come to a place in life where I have little patience for such mindsets.

And I am not ignorant to the irony that I have decided to share what I deem to be a correct opinion or truth in response to my frustration over others thinking that their perspective is a universal truth. I want to be clear. I’m sharing mostly opinions here. If you’re hear, you want to be. So let’s get started.

I will lead into my first opinion by sharing a fact. America comes in #2 out of 195 countries in the global national depression pandemic, beat only by Ukraine. I will follow this up with an opinion: America, land of the free and America, land of opportunity might also equate to America, land of the depressed. Yes, I am suggesting that ‘freedom’ and opportunity might actually correlate to depression. I agree that inasmuch as humans are afforded a life where they don’t have to stress over where their next meal comes from, mental health will improve. I will never take that for granted nor suggest that this fairly prosperous land offers significant advantage in many areas. But what happens when we no longer want for much of anything? When we know not just where the next meal comes from, but where every meal for the rest of our life will come from through padded retirement accounts and this life of prosperity that we’ve strived so hard to achieve? One wonderful result is that with our basic survival needs no longer being a concern, our brains are freed up to focus on life saving and world changing advancements leading to increased quality of life for all. Yes, please. Sign me up. Where medicine and a washer & dryer can offer me ease that will free me up to focus on things that I value more, I am on board.

But what if this free mental space doesn’t actually turn to things that we value more? I have seen time and time again this gift of ‘prosperity and advancement’ actually turning on its head to self-destruct. Prosperity is supposed to lead to happiness, but when not honored as the gift that it is, it can lead to judgment, division, and depression. Unfortunately, with more brain space we are also left with more time to analyze the life of every neighbor on the street, decide if our neighbor is furthering the cause of sophistication and advancement through every action, and judge if this neighbor is raising future elite, responsible citizens that will keep the prosperous line of America free of impurities. Wearing a seatbelt and getting your kids vaccinated is no longer enough. Now when we are faced with statistically questionable happiness gains stemming from perfectly procured and identical hoa neighborhoods & wrinkle-defying lotions we are often placing the same level of importance on them as life saving vaccines. If gains can be made, gains should be made, no matter how miniscule. Are you catching on here? IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.

So what happens in a land paired with freedom and opportunity? There is no longer an excuse for not using that freedom to pursue opportunity. The pressure to constantly pursue and improve when you no longer have the ‘excuse’ of poverty to not seek that slight potential increase in happiness can turn into the greatest bondage of all, whether self imposed or imposed by others. Let’s explore how this becomes and equation for depression.

When one is raised from birth being told that they are in the land of the free with every opportunity for happiness, coming to the slow realization that life is still full of hardship and suffering can be quite the letdown. I know from experience that a child with one toy can play happily for hours. But a child with one toy surrounded by children with many toys quickly feels miserable. Fear of missing out (FOMO) is a thing and it undeniably impacts mental health. Whether unmet expectations stem from an increased sense of entitlement from the rising American generation or whether we’re currently experiencing a delayed onset of realizing that more privilege doesn’t always equate to more happiness is up for debate. Either way, Americans are feeling more overwhelmed with missed opportunities in this land of blustering opportunities than ever before.

Additionally, when raised in a culture where continual improvement is demanded and worth is determined by output and advancement, feelings of failure will be on every turn. And while feelings of failure are a normal and even healthy part of life, how often is this concept addressed? The higher the emphasis on success, the higher likelihood there is for failure. You can’t have one without the other. And if failure is treated as an avenue for shame instead of a victory for progress, spirits will plummet. It is inevitable that as the bar for success keeps getting pushed higher and higher, successes will become less common. The upward trend is unsustainable and the American people are paying the price in mental health.

For many decades, there was generally one right way to be in America. We have come a long way to be sure. Equality and rights for all are increasing. But one trend that is still touted as the right way to be in America is to have privilege. In fact, this is what all these battles for freedom and equality are trying to achieve–privilege for all, across the board. If one class, race, or sex has certain advantages, then all classes, races, and sexes need to receive the same advantage. And what is this ‘advantage?” More.

To want ‘more’ when our ancestorial history is tainted with poverty, persecution, discrimination, and unspeakable heartache is absolutely a neccesary and healthy survival instinct. I am in full support for all of humanity to have equal rights and priveledges. But we are mistakent to accept it as a universal law that more power, more education, more food, more money, and access to more advanced technology equates to more happiness. Study after study has actually shown that there is a ceiling to these ‘advantages’ increasing well-being.

So what happens if a person or family who generally has the means to take advantage of every advancement society has to offer chooses not to do so? What if we don’t buy in to the status symbol of a perfectly manicured yard, sending every chid to college, and requiring helmets for every bike ride around the block? What if we reject the notion of continual advancement and hustling for worthiness to the point of burnout? Anonymous phone calls to authorities are made, violations are issued, noses are held high, judgements are cast, and friends are even lost. Rejection and feelings of animosity as opposed to acceptance and feelings of unity is a guaranteed recipe for depression. And it’s happening in just about every neighborhood in the nation. The hype over everyone needing to be as prosperous as the most prosperous of all seems to be so ingrained in the human mind now that there is no greater offense than witnessing someone who rejects ‘opportunity’ for more. More safety. More beauty. More sophistication. More heightened awareness. More perfection. How dare we not want more?

I want to be clear here that I am not against advancement and improvement. It is not just American society that places these ideas in our head. It is how we as humans are wired. Without continual change, often in the form of feeling we are becoming a better and more skilled person, we are left feeling unsatisfied and unhappy. A stagnant life also contributes to depression. What I am suggesting is that America as a whole has taken this way too far. And I feel quite confident that our obsession with freedom and opportunity is a root cause for the depression epidemic our country is currently facing.

What is freedom, really? I had this idea that it meant we can all hold beliefs and truths for ourself and make decisions accordingly, and that those beliefs and truths are not imposed upon our neighbor. So what happens if you say you believe in freedom, but you also believe your truth is the only truth for all? When you believe you are right for you and your neighbor and begin imposing those beliefs on them? You are showing that you do not believe in freedom for all, you only believe in freedom for yourself, because you are right and they are wrong. You can believe in freedom OR you can be right. You can’t believe in both at the same time.

Once again, I understand that the privilege of living in a country and within communities requires a certain level of conformity, laws, and regulations for the good of all. Systemic authenticity is what I call it. But that is not what I am talking about here. Here in America we, for the most part, do have freedom of speech. And as we all energetically take part in this freedom of speech, we show our true colors. Are we sharing or are we imposing?

Most of the time, sharing and even becoming passionate about an opinion is not restricting another’s freedom. I LOVE diversity of opinoin and watching others come alive. But we walk a fine line between sharing an opinion and offering unsolicited advice to a singled out group or individual. The latter outs you as an enemy to freedom. They did not ask, but you will tell them anyway because they need to learn your ways. It’s an insult to freedom, America. And it’s not a good look for the land of the free.