3 Steps to Stop People Pleasing and Reclaim Your Power

Posted on August 31, 2022 by Jen Dayton, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

If, growing up, the adults around you weren’t able to regulate their emotions in a healthy way (which, let’s be honest, most weren’t!) chances are you were expected to adjust your behavior in order to make the authority figures around you more comfortable. You probably learned, on a very basic + instinctual level, to subdue or ignore your own feelings; to be hyper-aware of how people see you and what they want or expect from you; and to say + do things that you think will please or ameliorate those around you.

As children, we rely on adults for protection, so it makes sense that our brains would develop these reflexes for our own safety. But, as adults, it can impact our lives in really detrimental ways! Maybe you feel out of touch with how you feel or what you want/need moment to moment. Or maybe, when you do know what you want, you feel guilty for even considering it. Maybe you’re so terrified of failure or of disappointing people that you never take any risks. Maybe making decisions for others’ sakes has led to a life that feels foreign, exhausting, depressing, and unfulfilling.

If this sounds like you, take heart — there is a more fulfilling way to live! When you’re ready to break the patterns of people pleasing and hustling for approval, here are 3 steps you can take to reclaim your power…

#1
Those of us who were taught to put others’ before ourselves often have trouble knowing how we feel or what we need — it doesn’t occur to us to pay attention to that or to ask ourselves. So the first step of healing is to get to know yourself better by bringing more awareness to your mind + body. Through self-reflection, meditation, and somatic practices, we can get more familiar with how we’re feeling and what we’re needing or desiring. Not only that, the act of paying attention to yourself sends the message to your brain + body that you matter and creates more neural pathways around self-awareness. Over time, being attuned to your feelings will become easier + more natural.

#2
As you become more aware of your unmet needs + desires, you will likely want to make some changes in your life. But that can often be easier said than done! There are plenty of barriers + challenges to changing our habits as it is, but those of us who are prone to people pleasing also tend to have perfectionist tendencies and be really hard on ourselves. Learning how to create sustainable change from a place of self-kindness instead of shame is key to reclaiming our power!

#3
As we’re growing + changing, creating more health + wellbeing and more alignment in our lives, it can be easy to get into a mode of ‘all business’ and forget to have fun. Which is quite the paradox, because most of us set out on this journey in the first place to experience more joy, fun, and pleasure! Remember that joy + pleasure are not a destination, but experiences to infuse into your daily life. These experiences are not only a result of the healing process, but an integral part of it. Approach change from a joy-first perspective, and don’t forget to carve out time for things that make you feel alive!

The more you practice these skills of getting to know yourself, prioritizing your needs + desires, and doing so in a way that is loving + joyful, the more your life will look + feel true to you! I get that this process can seem overwhelming at times, though, especially if we aren’t sure where to start. So if you’re looking for some support + guidance as you work on ending the cycle of people pleasing and creating a more joyful + fulfilling life, send me a message! I’ve helped hundreds of people through this process, and it would be my honor to support you through it as well.