Transformation isn’t only for butterflies, landscapes… or robots

Posted on July 29, 2022 by Mandeep Mudhar, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

When I returned to the UK after several months living in Myanmar, I felt so different. I couldn’t explain it. At first, I thought I just needed to readjust to the sights, sounds, and faster pace of daily life. No-one really warns you about the difficulties of social or cultural reintegration after an intense period of working in a very different context to your normal one.

But I began to realise that this “difference” I felt was something more; colours were more vivid, sounds were far too loud, and going to a large supermarket was both awesome and overwhelming. What I realised was that this experience was the beginning of a significant change process for me, a period which I now refer to as my own transformation.

Personal transformation is a significant shift in our understanding of ourselves and the world around us; in essence, our self-concept is transformed. Our perspective shifts beyond the boundaries of what we currently understand and are aware of, expanding to include new horizons.

Each person’s experience of transformation is unique. When it begins. What starts it. How long it takes. This blog explores what transformational change is and offers insights into what you might experience through your own process of deep personal evolution.

What starts transformation?

Any process of significant change requires a catalyst; for personal transformation, this is often a defining event or crisis. It can be losing a job, or the end of a relationship, a bereavement, or moving home. As difficult as these events may be, they are, without a doubt, an opportunity for learning and growth.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Marilyn Monroe

What follows these significant events is often deep and long-lasting change. For many people, this catalyst prompts a halt, and the realisation that something in the existing way of being is no longer working or relevant. A shift within your view.

Transformation is both a process and a destination. It is a process of evaluation, self-awareness, of creating a holistic review of your life. All of this is connected to the understanding of your inner world and the world around you. Whatever the catalyst transformation is a process of dramatic change.

This might sound like a lot. And it can be. You may feel overwhelmed, filled with uncertainty, perpetually uncomfortable, like you are in limbo. What was it like for me at that point in my life? As I mentioned in my article on authenticity, I realised that where I was wasn’t the healthiest or most honest place I could be. Which was a difficult pill to swallow.

At that point, it was hard to look back at my life choices without feeling like I had failed around some of them. I could just about make out what needed to change, but I had no idea where I could or should go. And I didn’t feel comfortable telling people how I was feeling, because I didn’t yet have the answers myself. I’d been certain in many areas of my life for so long, that I didn’t know how to deal with ‘not knowing.’

The journey

Being in the midst of your catalyst, you don’t often know that you’re about to, or have begun, going through a change. It can feel uncomfortable. Even confusing. Like you’re lost in the fog, unable to see where you are, let alone what the horizon reveals about the journey ahead. Some people feel a deep sense of being lost, like being faced with the dark night of your soul.

So, then where do you go from here?

Pick an area of your life, perhaps starting with what immediately surrounds the catalyst, or whatever stands out as a priority, and look at it. Look at what is or has happened around this area. Recognise what is working, and importantly, what no longer seems to work for you. Specific tools may help this process, for example the wheel of life, allowing you to start to get a fresh perspective.

Using visualisation techniques such as a vision board may help you create a future image, thinking, exploring, and visioning, unhindered. From there, it may be possible to identify what about the present gets in the way of this future image.

Though this process of self-evaluation is an important step, it can feel very intimate, even scary. It might feel impossible to catapult yourself into a future image when looking at a challenging present is so difficult, never mind ‘evaluating’ the recent past.

This space in between, feeling like something needs to change, but not being able to identify what and how, can be tough and confusing to occupy. What is important is to build in time to stop, reflect, explore, however that resonates with you. Go within and shine a light in dark corners; you never know what you might find. I realised that when I felt even more drawn to simplicity and quiet, I knew that this was what I needed – so I actively built that in, protecting that time and space.

Coaching may be the first step, or a stop on your journey. It looks different for everyone. You may be drawn to going at it alone or prefer to be accompanied by someone else. For me, I needed to begin my process of unfolding, beginning to embrace change before I was open to being coached.

In her writings on vulnerability and authenticity, Brene Brown talks about how the importance of courage is too commonly overlooked, or undervalued; and that the key to courage is practice.¹ In the context of deep long-lasting change, or transformation, the key is courage and action. Be brave. Say yes to new possibilities or patterns of thought. Say no to what no longer works or isn’t a priority. Think long enough to explore, but short enough that you don’t talk yourself out of taking action.

The destination

How do I know when I get there? When that fundamental shift in your mindset is evident in multiple areas of your life.

What may start off as a concerted effort, or gentle leaning towards making an adjustment in one area of your life, often expands to your life as a whole. This often leads to a lasting change in mindset and behaviour.

How might that present itself? When you feel ready, more complete, rounded off. When you love you, and are being yourself and (more than) comfortable with it, and with what you feel, say, and do as a result.

When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about. Haruki Murakami

Ian Tucker writes,² that once your perspective shifts, so do the things that carry meaning. This is what I found, once I had filtered out what no longer felt important or authentic to me, I was left with space to be fully myself.

The space and silence I cultivated through this intense period of personal evolution are phenomena I actively protect today. They are central to my ability to remain balanced, grounded, and authentic.

There are many ways in which transformation can benefit your life. Like turning up the soil when replanting, the process of transformation unearths a richer version of yourself, one grounded in awareness and clarity. It can leave you with an empowered mindset that nourishes the ability to vision, a revitalised sense of perspective or outlook. Perhaps the most significant effect that one experiencing transformation may witness is a clarified or redefined personal definition of purpose, or joy.

What has been transformed for me?

So many things, it’s hard to choose. A shift in what is meaningful to me. My ability to view a situation from a different perspective, often distanced, sometimes strategic. My relationships with loved ones and new acquaintances. My sense of purpose. My place within the bigger picture. And my confidence … To mention just a few!

Insights from experience

Looking back on both my experience, and those of others whose journeys I have accompanied, there are a few important lessons and tips worth sharing for those of you on your own transformational journeys;

Recognise that change needs to take place: Recognise also that this is often borne out of acknowledging that the current way of being is out of sync, or no longer works;

Don’t underestimate the value of looking back at various points in your life. Do so with an open mind, and be prepared to be honest with yourself, and getting uncomfortable;

Be ready, willing, and able to look, see, evaluate what is: Let go of what no longer serves you (or the version of you that you are striving for), and embrace uncertainty, the new, and taking risks;

Actively immerse yourself in a nurturing and supportive environment: This includes what you see, hear, and absorb via people, physical activity, media, nourishment, and stimulants;

Finally, recognise the value of gratitude: Actively channelling this through thought, speech, and behaviour plays a central role in shifting perspective.

Yes, your transformation will be hard. Yes, you will feel frightened, messed up and knocked down. Yes, you’ll want to stop. Yes, it’s the best work you’ll ever do. Robin Sharma