Who Influences You?
Posted on July 05, 2022 by Harry Goldberg, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
The people whom you allow to have influence over your life are the most accurate indicator of who you will become.
This is a personal topic for me. I used to be lost. I was consistently guided down the wrong paths. My effort and my results were not aligned with my desired outcomes for life. Even though I was convinced that they were.
And it came down to one reason.
The people around me were not who I wanted to become.
We rarely actively choose the people in our lives. They often fall into place by the people we went to school/university with. The people in the sports we practice. The parents of our children’s friends. Plus, when we look at family and cultural networks, we hardly have any choice.
And it can feel even more challenging the older we get to be able to make new connections.
Who are the people in your life?
In every moment of your waking life, you are being influenced by the people & environment around you.
There is absolutely zero doubt (and plenty of evidence) that the people you surround yourself with has a HUGE impact on the person you become.
Why?
Because the people around you subconsciously influence the information you consume, the options you have available to you, the way you think, the way you feel and, ultimately, the actions you take.
These are the key factors of how I, and many of my clients, have successfully changed our lives by choosing the right people we surround ourselves with.
1. Proximity
Proximity refers to how often you see someone. How regularly they are in your presence and you are in theirs. How many of their thoughts and beliefs you are exposed to. How you subconsciously pick up on their behaviours because you want to belong.
This could be your spouse, your friends, the people you reach out to for support, the mentors you have in your life, your colleagues/clients, the people you help.
2. Challenge
I believe that this point is the most under-valued.
If we are not challenged, then we will not grow.
And if the people around us fail to challenge us then we will be relying on ourselves to challenge ourselves.
Note: “Challenging” is very different to “triggering”. Challenging is raising your standards and not allowing anything less. Triggering is an unhelpful way to foster self-judgement & frustration. One leads to growth, the other halts growth in it’s tracks.
3. Successful
This is a really important consideration. It’s not just if they’re challenging you. But are the people in your proximity examples of the type of life, results, mindset and joy you want to experience in your life?
This is not just saying “Your income is the average of the 5 people you spend most time with”. This is emphasising their mindset.
If you’re around happy people, you’ll be happier.
If you’re around mindful people, you’ll be more mindful.
If you are around people who take action, you’ll take more action.
The reason is because the more you see them, the more they’ll influence you. The more norm it becomes. For most of us when all the information we consume says the same thing, we begin to believe it.
A lie told 1,000 times becomes truth.
4. Value alignment
What values do the people in your close proximity hold?
Happiness? Enjoyment? Growth? Financial Success? Love? Spirituality? Independence? Family?
When you look at the people around you, do they embody the values you wish to instill in yourself?
When you choose them, make sure they do.
*A note on family
Most people in our lives we can choose to stop speaking to with ease and no regrets.
When it comes to family, “ease” & “regret” are not the right words.
This is be far the most challenging component of choosing the people around us and for most clients the strategy is usually to see them when you must (religious festivals, cultural gatherings & big events) and while you’re there to remain vigilant as the protector of your mind.
You can see their perspectives and let it remind you of where you’ve come from and precisely what you don’t want in your world. But don’t let it upset you and trigger you! It can be used as another ounce of conviction that you’re heading in the right direction!
Check out episode 4 of the “Success with Purpose” podcast where just Martin’s intro segment is one of the best ways I’ve heard this explained.
Seriously, check out the first 2 minutes of episode 4.
- A final tip -Listen to podcasts interviewing people you admire and aspire towards. Their thoughts and perspectives are often positives to let into your mind, heart & soul.
Still not sure on how to choose the right people in your life?
That’s normal. This is a big shift to make and it mustn’t be taken lightly.
First step?
Find an exceptional mentor or coach who can guide you.
They will be person of proximity No. 1.
