Breaking patterns that hold you back
Posted on June 29, 2022 by Lois Lavrisa , One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Experts way that there are ways to begin to heal from abandonment issues including:
My parents had a very complicated, toxic, tumultuous relationship which included addiction and mental health issues which in turn caused us barely able to scrape by.
As a child, I managed to semi-function in the dysfunction.
From a young age, I had the real sense of being forgotten and left out- in other words, abandoned.
I became an overachiever (for example: earning my Bachelors and Masters degree by the time I was 22 – while supporting myself.)
I was not able to rely on my parents, and therefore I never ever wanted to rely on anyone. I had to figure out how I could be financially safe, protected, and successful.
At the same time, it really wasn’t until I started running a business where I realized I had a deep fear of being rejected and left.
Here are some things that happened in creating my business, which eventually made it obvious I had a pattern I needed to break:
Constantly needing validation, praise, and affirmations in order to feel confident with my work and my decisions.
Doing work I think people wanted to see (not necessarily what I wanted to do) so they wouldn’t leave me.
Negative Outcome: Making my self-worth based on what other people had to say. Constantly needing people to pat me on the back and tell me I’m doing a good job or else I’ll think I’m NOT doing a good job. Needing people to confirm that my ideas were good before I moved forward. This all resulted in: Delayed action, wrong turns, enormous stress, and losing my own opinions and self-identity.
Experts way that there are ways to begin to heal from abandonment issues including:
1) Identify and feel your feelings.
2) Find a healthy safe secure outlet for expression.
3) Recognize that you are not the problem.
4) Be willing to ask for help (seek professional support)
What I did …
- I stopped compromising the real me and stopped hiding (or ignoring) my originality.
- I learned to become brave enough to clearly define my identity and my values (I stopped being a chameleon – changing to fit everyone)
- I committed to valuing myself enough so I did not have to sell out any longer.
And here’s the outcome:
- My business began to take off.
- I felt aligned with my real passion and purpose.
- Everything began falling into place.
Is my business all perfect – all the time? Heck no.
But, it’s a whole lot better, and so is my life:)
Keep being the wonderful one and only you-
Lois
PS: If you’re a new woman coach who wants to get her mindset aligned for success- hop on a free call with me.
