Coming out is not a one-time event

Posted on June 15, 2022 by Bas Lebesque, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

Coming out is not a one-time thing.

There’s a misconception that when we come out, the closet we hid in is gone forever and for some people that is true and that’s great but for most, it never stops.

Sure, we all remember the first time we came out to someone close to us, and it’ll always remain a special moment, but it’s the first in a very long line of special moments that we have in our lives. My coming out was quite classical, in my late teens I came out to a few gay friends first, then to some straight friends, and then to my immediate family. Coming out to your family is mostly done in layers. The closest family first and the family on a distance at a later stage, while others might choose to do it in the reverse order, it still something you have to again and again. As with all experience, practice makes this easier.

By coming out I thought I was going to lose everything in my life. Fortunately, I have been blessed with a great response from most people. I now know that I will not lose everything, but that seed of fear that I sowed in my early teens is never completely gone, as coming out never stops.

Beyond family, there’s of course the process of coming out in your professional life, if you choose to. And if you do not, that is fine too, however, these people will always deal with some form of fear of their workplace finding out. Then of course over your lifetime, your work environment keeps changing, a new boss, a new team, and new colleagues. The process of coming out never stops.

As the coming out process never stops, the fear of being rejected never really disappears as well, there is always a fear that you will lose someone, something, be it big or small. Fear of maybe you lose some respect, an opportunity for a promotion, or maybe even your job. Off course, these act of coming out are completely different than coming out for the very first time however the same feelings of fear of rejection, never totally disappears as you never know how people are going to react.

Coming out is a process that will keep happening for the rest of my life because to a lot of people, the default sexuality is straight until told otherwise.

Off course, there are better anti-discrimination laws and there is a lot of attention to diversity nowadays. Maybe there is ever going to be a time when an LHBTQ person won’t have to explain to another person that they’re not like them. In the meantime, treat each other with respect regardless of age, religion, sex, gender, and/or race.