Your “Connect With Friends More” Goal Can Save You $97,265 This Year

Posted on May 12, 2022 by Julia Quillen, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

I don’t think it’s hard for anyone to believe that we need friends/relationships. Especially post-pandemic. One thing COVID-19 taught us is how significant in-person connection is. Yet, so often we find ourselves rushing through our days with little time for arm-in-arm connections.

One author, Renee Swope, said, “I am created for real-life connections. I need to fill that lonely place in my heart with friends I can share life with — in person.”

The world has noticed this, too. Daniel Gilbert, Harvard Happiness Expert (how would you like that title?!), identified friends as one of the biggest sources of joy in our lives.

Studies show seeing friends and family regularly is actually worth about $97,265 per year. According to this article, an individual who only sees (actually sees, not texts) his or her friends or relatives once a month or less would require almost $100,000 per year to be “just as satisfied” with life as an individual who sees his or her friends or relatives on most days. (The same article shows the savings attributed to a happy marriage vs. the costs of separation.)

$100,000.00

How many coupons would you have to cut to find that kind of savings in your family budget?

Science is finally catching up to how God designed us: sometimes just what we need is in-person, heart-to-heart, eye-to-eye connection and conversation.

We need the mascara-running-down-our-cheeks interactions. We need to see the eyes that crinkle in the corners when we say something funny, or the slight change of the eyebrow that indicates warning.

We need to see “the look.”

My mom had it. “The look.” Do you remember one from your parents? With my mom it was a certain position of one eyebrow – not a discernible change for anyone else – but as her kids, we knew it and what it meant when we got back to the car if we didn’t stop. Pronto.

You can’t see that eye-brow flicker in a text or e-mail or Facebook message or Instagram photo.
And when we curate our content on social media, or fill in only the backstory we want to share, or blog “transparently” with carefully crafted and edited words, we miss out on the richness of sweet and genuine fellowship.

Face-To-Face relationships take time, I get that. And we are already so pressed for time. But if we counted the minutes we spend posting to Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest… if we tallied the moments spent writing blogs, e-mails, and texts… wouldn’t we find we are already spending a lot of time on relationships? Unfortunately, it’s a lot like eating a candy bar full of empty calories instead of steak and salad. It’s kind of “relationshipping”, but not in the nutritious, good-for-your-heart way.

At this point, Social Media-fast recommendations are a dime a dozen. Perhaps we don’t need a Social Media fast as much as a little bit of calorie-consciousness. We might find the extra minutes needed for an in-person cup of cocoa/coffee/cranberry juice by simply being intentional about how we spend time connecting.

After all, couldn’t you do with saving almost $100,000 per year?

Here are some questions to help you find time for friendships again:

• Consider doing a time study – spend 2-3 days logging how you spend your time and see what that reveals. What fills your days? How does that fit with what you value? Where are you pleased with what you find? What might you like to improve? What changes might you consider making? When is a good time to make those adjustments? Who might support you?

• Check the screen-time feature on your phone to get a realistic understanding of how you are spending time on screens. How does your screen usage support or hinder what you really want your focus to be? What is valuable about how you are using your screen? What do you want to do more of on your device? What do you want to limit on your device? What needs to change to make that happen?

• Think a minute about 3-5 people you consistently wish you could connect with. When you look at your calendar, what might work for offering options to them? With what frequency is it important for you to connect? Given your existing commitments, how might you block off time for these people? What type of activity would satisfy your wish? Are you thinking coffee? Or a week at the beach? Once a month walk around the neighborhood? Or weekly lunch date? Get creative with these specifics and think through what is realistic, measurable, and achievable in the next 2 months. See, you’re already on your way to setting some great (SMART) relationship goals.

And isn’t $97,265 worth some SMART goals?