8+ Tips to Identify and Confront Self-Limiting Beliefs

Posted on May 11, 2022 by Julia Quillen, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

I saw an info-graphic on Facebook years ago with a system to find happiness. It listed several things to tell yourself, like:
• everything will be ok
• things will get better
• you are lovable
• you are strong
• you can do great things.

Then it summarized the concepts with “We believe what we tell ourselves.”

I’m not a big fan of positive-thoughts-are-your-salvation type thinking, but that last line caught me:
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“We believe what we tell ourselves.”

That’s profound.

It changed how I parent my kids and relate to others.

I have a refrain I often tell my kids when they are fighting over something like, “She says she’s taller than me” or “He won’t believe I was born first.”

I say, “Truth is truth no matter what anyone says.”

And the truth is, you don’t need to be driven by your anger – whatever they believe doesn’t change what’s true. One kid isn’t going to magically be taller because they say they are. Another kid isn’t going to be made younger because someone else doesn’t understand birth order (or is just being stubborn about accepting it!).

That simple shift – getting to the truth and being at peace with it even if no one else agrees – makes a huge difference in the choices we make and the way our relationships play out.

I’ve talked with a lot of adults who, even in their 70s and 80s, behave regrettably because they have not learned to train their mind to find what is true – and let that be their confidence, not what others say about it.

Harsh or absent or indulgent parents have left many adults crippled in their ability to recognize truth. Especially about themselves. We often vacillate between believing the lies of the inner mean-guy/girl and flat out overstating our prowess. Usually the truth lies somewhere in between.

The thing is, it’s a hard truth to accept that it’s not our job to force others to accept truth. More important than arguing someone else into belief is what you do with the truth you have. This is equally true whether it’s what you believe about Jesus, global-warming, the need for a COVID vaccine, abortion, your worth, or that you have the permission needed to act.

We must train our beliefs with truth if we want to act according to truth. We must find confidence in what is true without referencing what other people are doing with the truth. That’s how the Ukrainians are beating Russia right now. They are confident in what is true, they are fighting for it, to be sure, but they aren’t waiting for Putin to agree.

Likewise, we must cement truth in our minds and hearts so we will make choices informed by strong emotions that we have no reason to regret.

What we believe drives how we act. If we believe we are capable, we will find solutions.

The reverse is also true. Our actions reveal what we believe. If we find ourselves taking the victim role, that reveals we believe we are powerless. That can be an uncomfortable revelation!

Take time to ask yourself, “What do my actions say about what I really believe?”

That is the key to finding the lies we believe. Once we see the uncomfortable truth, we can evaluate if the belief we’re acting on is even true. We can also ask, “What else is true?” Honestly accepting what we find out gives us the opportunity to own where we are weak, which is empowering. When we are honest about our weaknesses, we can find solutions to strengthening those areas. If we are in denial about our weaknesses, there is no hope for change.

So, what about you?

Take some time today to evaluate the choices you are making. What do they reveal about what you really believe?

For all of us:

• When you meet an obstacle, do you give up? What ‘voice’ do you hear (inner-mean-guy? Proud posturing? Honesty and humility?)?
• When you engage with other people, are you communicating your deepest values, regardless of how you feel or what they have done?
• When someone doesn’t agree with you on verifiable matters – how important is it to you to win the argument or to prove them wrong? How effective is that in helping them own the truth? What impact does that have on your relationship?
• What are you believing about yourself? What limits does that create?
• What kind of person do you want to be known as/what reputation do you want to have? Are your means of connecting with others consistent with that vision for yourself?
• When you are interrupted, do you respond or react? What “face” do you turn to whoever interrupted your plans? What are the ways you want to respond to interruptions?
• What hope do you have for your life? What do you want to accomplish in your relationships? What truth do you need to remember to keep from creating barriers to those hopes and goals?
• What truth do you need to remind yourself of so you can live confidently and reign in your emotions?

For the Christian believer:

• Do you act as though speaking truth in love is God’s way to reach the hearts of others? Or do you act as though yelling/bullying is the way to force submission?
• What responsibility do you have to present truth vs. convincing others of truth? When someone doesn’t agree about matters of scripture, how important is it to you to win the argument or convince them? What impact does that have on your relationship? On their relationship with Jesus and/or scripture?
• What do your actions suggest you are trusting in? Is it anything other than Jesus? (If yes, that’s idolatry.)
• Do you view interruptions to your day as divine appointments to engage the hearts of others for Christ? Or do you become impatient with the people who interfere with your plans for the day?
• When you suffer injustice or hardship, do you continue doing what you know you are called to do with a heart full of fear that God is just sacrificing you like he did Jesus? Do you struggle to see God’s good providence in your current circumstances? Or does your heart cling to the promises in scripture and count it a blessing that God includes you in his plan to suffer for Christ?
• Where is God revealing your unbelief? What truth do you need to speak into your heart so you can live a life of faith?