Does Your Relationship Contain These Healthy Ingredients?
Posted on May 11, 2022 by Dr Jeep and Vanessa Naum, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
We should think of a long-term relationship like a recipe. There isn’t one magic ingredient, but rather many ingredients that all work together.
As we celebrate newlyweds, we often find that older couples are asked to share their secret to a long, happy relationship. It’s a cute moment on a lovely day, and while some answers pull at the heart, it’s important to know it’s only the tip of the iceberg. There’s more that goes into a long-term relationship than one piece of advice.
We should think of a long-term relationship like a recipe. There isn’t one magic ingredient, but rather many ingredients that all work together and bring balance to a healthy relationship. Crucial ingredients include common values, respect, and mutual support. The way we view these key aspects will change over time; not everyone will hold the same values they once had five, ten, or even twenty years ago. Perhaps you or your partner will require more support in areas different than before. The inability to adapt to one another will lead to a relationship both sides have outgrown, and while this brings a devastating aftermath, it is completely preventable.
The most common sign I see in outgrown relationships is the completely separate lives the individuals take on. There may be a lack of common interests and beliefs that keep the couple together. Interests will change over time and we should continue to find ways to connect, though I know it’s difficult to do so under stress. There are many stressors, internal and external, that contribute to this outgrowth as well, with the most relevant example being COVID-19. How do couples recover from the devastation a pandemic may bring? Typical relationship stressors paired with the hardships of COVID are truly testing couples’ commitments to stay together. Everything adds up and once again leads them to head in different directions, where they find it difficult to find common ground.
Another sign I see often includes watching couples turn into roommates. These stressors turn into tension and put a strain on relationships until couples are spending more time arguing than being affectionate. The passion will roll to a stop and most couples will find themselves sleeping apart instead of sharing a space. Remembering your commitment to a relationship can be difficult in trying times, but I encourage you to focus on the foundation of it all: respect.
When we respect each other, we are opening ourselves up to the highest degree of connection. Open and honest communication will ensure couples are growing together rather than growing apart as time continues. For example, my wife has been struggling with a chronic illness from age eleven, which has affected all aspects of our relationship. This is something I acknowledge, respect, and accept as something we face together. My commitment to her as a husband allows her to feel honored and gives her the ability to grow with our relationship as we age, and in turn, she shows me the same respect and acceptance as her commitment to me as my wife. Through our open communication and mutual vulnerability, we are able to take care of each other and strengthen our relationship rather than destroy it.
I strongly encourage couples to take the time to truly know who their partners are. Learn their values and recognize where they need the most support. Doing so creates a safe space for a relationship to grow, actively allowing both sides to be individuals and express their own wants, needs, and desires.
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