GREAT ADVICE FROM MALE RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS
Posted on October 10, 2011 by Gayle Shisler, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
3 well-known authors help women understand men--to make dating and relationships easier
As a dating coach serving primarily women, it helps me and my clients if I understand men. So I read and study articles and books on men’s psyches and behavior. Here is some good advice from male relationship experts and coaches, which, I believe, can help those looking for or already in relationships:
Steve Nakamoto, Relationship Expert, author of Men Are Like Fish: What every woman needs to know about catching a man, www.stevenakamoto.com. According to Nakamoto, “A man chases a woman until she catches him.” In his book, he says a woman entices a man to bite, much like a fish grabs the bait. Unfortunately, some men “fear the net because they’re afraid they’ll lose all the things they love, their old life will die, or the woman will want to change them.”
Nakamoto has these 6 tips for women who want to catch a man:
1. Go to non-singles events (it’s easier to catch a man when his guard is down)
2. Let him have his freedom/give him space to do things without you
3. Be his source of joy
4. Refrain from ultimatums
5. Make him your hero by asking for advice or help
6. Continue your courtship behaviors while in a relationship (be polite and loving)
He also suggests loving yourself, staying positive, and being the unique, multidimensional woman you really are. He says there are 6 things men like in a woman:
1. She’s a “hottie” (sexy/confident/feisty)
2. She’s a “sweetie” (warm/feminine/kind)
3. She’s a “pal” (fun to be around, can take her anywhere, gets along with his friends)
4. She’s a real “person” (nice, friendly, with good character)
5. She’s a “prize” (good-looking & attractive to other men)
6. She’s positive (men get scared off easily by negativity)
These tips from Nakamoto for talking to men are also helpful: Be brief, positive, and truthful; speak in a soft/feminine (not high-pitched) voice; be a good listener; and avoid complaining.
David Wygant, Dating Coach, author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 simple steps to finding the love of your life, www.davidwygant.com. Wygant says women are “waiters” – they wait for men to initiate conversations and relationships and have a reactive mentality. His advice: be more proactive. Flirt, use body language, and start conversations with men you’re interested in. Men love it when they don’t have to do all the work. He says your opening line with a stranger doesn’t have to be entertaining; just comment on what’s going on around you right then, so it sounds natural and friendly.
For example, when in a coffee shop line: “You look like you really want that muffin.” If you’re anxious or lack confidence, start with baby steps: first talk to men you’re not attracted to and build up to talking to those you are attracted to.
Wygant also has good advice about online dating: Only respond to the men who’ve said something specific about your profile (not to anyone who sends you a “wink” or those who write impersonal emails). According to Wygant, those men are “lazy, boring or just looking for one-night stands.” And he recommends not responding if a man uses a text message to ask you out. He says texts are short conversations that should only be used “to confirm a date time and place or to check in during the day to say he’s thinking of you.”
3. Steve Harvey, comedian, radio talk show host, author of Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to find, keep and understand a man, www.steveharvey.com. Harvey’s first relationship book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment is a best-seller. Both his books offer great info on what motivates men. Here’s how you’ll know if a man loves you:
1. He’ll “profess” (tell everyone you’re his girlfriend, wife or lady)
2. He’ll “provide” (work hard to make sure you have everything you need and want)
3. He’ll “protect” (stand up for you so you’re not disrespected or hurt)
Harvey’s “90-day rule” is interesting: he says women should make sure a man proves himself worthy of and respectful of her before agreeing to sex; this tells him that she’s special, not a plaything. He recommends taking 3 months to find out whether he’s reliable, honest, and caring. Make sure he likes you, your kids, and your friends…expresses joy in being with you…gives you his home phone number…reacts well under stress…and is there for you when you have a problem.
Have fun reading these and other male dating experts. Armed with their insights, you’ll have a better understanding of men’s thinking and behaviors and improved relationships with men in general.
