Fail Harder — A Life Lesson For Success
Posted on April 23, 2022 by Dr Rigobert Kefferputz, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Failure — We Shy Away From that Word but it's a door to a new beginning and it gets easier every time.
A confident, happy-go-lucky, successful doctor — that’s the façade I had created. It’s who I thought I ought to be on the surface. But behind that mask, I knew all too well, was someone that was afraid of failing and losing control.
The truth is: I have always been scared of failing.
And the more I acted from that place of fear, the more I became a passive observer in my life, paralyzed by indecisions, and deeply unfulfilled.
It becomes even easier when you displace your worth to something other; whether it is how much money, how many followers, or how successful you think you are. But in the end, I had my reckoning.
The Fear of Failing Caught Up With Me
A series of unfortunate events forced me to come to terms with myself and look into that mirror.
And at that moment, for once in my life, I gave myself permission to let go, fail, and let my foundation of lies crumble beneath me.
Bad things happen, but true failure is something we choose for ourselves. I didn’t know what hit me though. When you fail like that, it’s terra incognita. It’s a step into the unknown — all your assumptions have been thrown out the window. And at the same time, it was one of the most liberating moments. I had nothing left to lose.
I had a chance, to go back to the drawing board and start over; what freedom!
Failure — We Shy Away From that Word
People tried to convince me that I didn’t fail — as if it was something to be ashamed of. Like it was the end game and the door of life had shut behind me. But what I saw was another door opening.
A door to a new beginning.
Trying to find an anchor in this new world that I entered, I stumbled upon the Japanese concept of Wabi-sabi.
Wabi-sabi is the art of finding beauty in imperfection and celebrating authenticity above all. It honors what is, rather than what ought to be. It is everywhere, and there is beauty in accepting, let alone, embracing things as they are. It is a different way of looking, not just at the material world, but at our own lives.
It beckons a change in mindset and all you need is the courage to live a life true to yourself.
With every single.
mistake
error
fault
imperfection
and flaw
We learn to succeed.
It’s what one of Wall Street’s most successful hedge fund managers, Ray Dalio, called “Finding success in Failure”.
The Silver Lining
That’s how we grow as a person and isn’t that what we are meant to strive towards? A full, complete, unadulterated, unapologetic expression of ourselves?
In the world of social media, we have become saturated in its plea for perfection. But perhaps, we need to have closer look at the raw, real, and relatable — looking beyond the picture-perfect filtered Instagram life. We recognize that there is no perfect love, no perfect beauty, no perfect life.
You will never be perfect and that is precisely what people fall in love with.
Accepting life without a filter. The only perfection that remains is embracing our imperfections and striving to do our own personal best.
A Rugrat’s World
Children are formidable teachers at handling failure. It is astonishing how they are able to let go of the past and pay no mind to the future. They don’t choose to be in the moment, they revel in it.
One minute in a pool of tears, the next in a fit of giggles. As adults, we often forget that we make the decision on how long we let something harden our soul.
Regroup and Look Forward
They say hindsight is 20/20 and you will quickly discover that in everyone’s life, there is a legacy of failure.
Most people don’t care about your failures because they are preoccupied with their own and the truth is — you are not that important for them to notice, least of all, remember. Every failure has its consequence and the emotional hardship is heartfelt. However, we only experience real, ever-lasting failure when we allow these setbacks to cripple us in a self-defeating loop, preventing us from moving forward.
Our suffering is our own, and it is typically never as terrible as we think it is.
Bad things happen, but true failure is something we choose for ourselves, so all you can do is accept it, forgive yourself, and learn.
Wake up, get over it, and get on with it.
“Sometimes you gotta lose in order to win” – Ab Soul
Understand that life is all about the process, not the end goal. Success is not always a question of accomplishment but may have more to do with living life in a way that you feel good about.
Final Thought
I’ve learned to look at myself differently now. Failing has been a necessary step for me to learn about myself and accept who I am. And because of it, I have grown.
Now, it’s OK for me to say “no” to demands and requests placed upon me because it means saying “yes” to me.
Don’t let your fears of failure paralyze you with indecision and regret. The fact is when you walk back down memory lane — you won’t regret that time you got rejected or the project that blew up in your face.
When your life draws to a close I hope you had the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you. That you would live in the moment, and didn’t take yourself and especially your failures so seriously.
Life moves on, and so will you, all you can do, is live it without fear.
