SMARTER DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Gayle Shisler, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

For success in dating, you need both knowledge and skill. The more you know about men, relationships, and common male dating behaviors, the easier it’ll be to navigate the world of dating. Here are some dating tips that’ll help you date smarter:

1. Have a success plan. Before you enter the dating world, it’s smart to know what kind of relationship you seek and what kind of man you’re most compatible with. A clear partner and relationship “vision” is VERY important. If you don’t have either, sit down and put it on paper. Ask a friend to help you flesh it out. Or work with a dating coach to create and strengthen it.
2. Get out there and search. I always recommend integrating these 3 search strategies into your success plan:
a) Use online dating to maximize your chances of meeting more local men your age in less time.
b) Attend singles events and activities and try speed dating to find men with whom you have chemistry.
c) Get involved with hobby groups in your community or on www.meetup.com to meet like-minded people who share your passions.
3. Have fun. Think of dating as just one more way to put fun into your social life…not the only way. Continue to get together often with your friends, explore new hobbies and interests, and try new fun new activities that bring you joy—with friends, neighbors, coworkers, siblings, parents, and your kids as well as with dates. There’s nothing more attractive to the opposite sex than a person who knows how to make her own fun…and who has a positive outlook on life based on the pleasurable life she’s created.
4. Be true to yourself and don’t settle. Single, divorced, and widowed women and men of all ages come to me complaining that they keep winding up with people who either don’t treat them right or aren’t really their type after all. In most cases, I discover that this is because they were too willing to compromise their own values or identity to become what they thought dating prospects wanted in a partner. And, as a result, they lost their self-respect, sense of self, and confidence—3 essentials for dating success. Finding the best person for you won’t happen overnight. Patience, proactivity, and persistence are key.
5. Keep your physical expectations real. If you’re trying to lose weight, try to shed as much as you can so you’ll feel better about your appearance before putting yourself online or out into the “marketplace.” You can’t expect men to be attracted to you just because you have a pretty face, a sparkling personality, and a kind heart. Accept the fact that men are more visual and more fixated on slender but buxom bodies. Many women criticize men for being obsessed with slender women, but they themselves are more attracted to slender men. They’re not being realistic about the type of man they’ll likely be able to attract.
6. Understand what motivates men (and drives them away) in the dating world:
a) Sex drive—This can cause men to move too quickly and try to push for physical intimacy before they really know you or have an emotional connection.
b) Wishful “fantasy” thinking—Sometimes, before a man gets to know you, he may see you as blank slate onto which he can project his fantasy of the perfect woman. Then, later on, as he starts to see that his fantasies about you are not reality, he may become disillusioned and leave.
c) The thrill of the chase—Because they’re hard-wired to be hunters, men get an adrenalin rush from the chase itself rather than from relationships. As a result, once the chase is over and the adrenalin dies down, they may withdraw and go hunting again.

7. Accept and utilize these motivators as a basis for dating smarter—By accepting men as they are, you increase your chances of dating success. Let his sex drive, projected wishes, and hunger for the chase draw him in your direction. And let all 3 continue until you feel an authentic connection with him. Let him know you’re attracted to him but don’t say “yes” to sex until you feel ready. A man who really wants a relationship with you will be willing to wait. He knows sex is not the only factor for a good relationship; you’re a real woman, not a fantasy; and eventually the chase can lead to commitment.

Try putting these tips into practice and see how your dating life transforms!