Plan of Action for Parents and Professionals in helping our children.

Posted on April 03, 2022 by Donna-Marie Foster, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

What a milestone you have arrived at with your child and if you have got to this point, first day at Nursery School, in successfully seeing your child or children off into the education system, you best brace yourself for the journey ahead, because it is not one without challenges, but everyone can be overcome, giving you an opportunity to grow becoming the best parent you can be along the way.

With love, patience, listening, tolerance, endurance, determination, persistence and assertiveness, you will be effective as a parent, if you choose to be.

Work in partnership with the school that your child attends. Do not leave it up to the schools, they have proven that anything can happen not just in Child Qs case, there are many Nursery, School cases that have been in the media over the years that have been forgotten but were cases that should never have happened.

I say this and online research allows you to realise the enormity of what has happened historically and how easy it is for perpetrators in education to do as they wish to ‘our innocent children’!

Know that when you complain, stay calm, the parties being complained about do too often close ranks and become defensive but the truth will come out if you pursue your case in a calm and orderly manner. Every year, from nursery onwards, be there for your child/children through to University when I know they will be adults, but they can still be taken advantage of by lecturers.

Child Qs case is not an isolated case and the metropolitan police, teachers and in all sectors that have been involved for the past two years before it became public knowledge, senior professionals that can, have.

Professionals do abuse the powers they are given too often and as Lord Acton’s famous aphorism states: “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely” but eventually as been seen historically, individuals, institutions and their corruption does get exposed, however, persistence of a parent is key, someone has to be the driving force, so let it be you, it is your child.

As a nation we are rising up saying “Enough is Enough”. Is the change going to happen this time that is needed? I believe it is the responsibility of sound parents to be instrumental in developing the changes needed.

The children from the past and present day that have been abused and are being abused, are as a nation, our children! What individuals or allies do as a breach of their powers to one, they are clearly showing their intention, which is that they could do to all and this can not be the case.

Parents are you going to be doing more now, which is what needs to be the case? Many eyes are on those that work in educational facilities with the children, ‘the nations children’, on the streets, in locations no matter their race, religion or regard.

I trust children will be protected by adults more so now (that are nearby to any altercation that may be seen that they may be having with teachers or the police), not to get involved directly but so as to protect the children, by standing at a distance and observing what is actually happening as a witness, recording if needs be because our young adults and younger children, need more people to be there for them in their defence.

The UK a country where I was born and yet I have lived amongst it’s people that are selective and not overly friendly or welcoming. It has not stopped me from being who I am. A respecter of all people, wanting to know their situation and helping where I am led to assist.

From my personal perspective can I share with you that I have felt for years in the employment arena, that I was as great as my intelligence to my employers and I was expected to conform to their practices which I did not and when needed, as a whistleblower, I trust that lets you know I have always no matter how it left me feeling, I stuck up for what was right, the rights of others and the coach was born in me years ago.

So through trials and traumatic life experiences, from all that I was exposed to in the schools and employment arenas which were my training ground, I gained clarity, I gained resolve and I learned how to help others in dealing with what they can be subject to, by what can only be described as unsavoury people who for whatever is their reason, they choose to make others lives miserable because I concluded, their lives are not the best.

I was saddened at the realities I had experienced since my birth because I had done nothing wrong in my life that justified what I had lived through and I grew proud of my cultural background diverse as it is and the fact that I had grown into being a strong, educated black woman but for years, the traumatic events held me suspended in time until I made the decision that the problem was not mine to carry anymore.

The children are depending on us to be there for them in a country and world that too often is not the friendliest To live in an unfriendly country, that as each year passes reveals the depth of corruptive practices that have been exposed, one has to know that we have to become part of the solution in the changes we want to see. Parents, you are being called to do more for those of you that are doing less than you could.

Yes, our streets have many gangs and troublesome youths, we do however have to remember as the law states, innocent until proven guilty. Not knowing what led the children down the paths they have chosen to take. For them, society, individuals, help not being there, not letting them see that we will show up for them if needed, is not letting them feel valued in any way and so our behaviour change has to go towards creating the change we want to see in them.

It is confusing that we subject children to all that we have and so habitually year in and out we allow adults in positions of authority run roughshod over all of us and make excuses for why we put up with what we are being subjected to instead of standing up against the wrong that we as individuals are subjected to in housing situations, workplace indifferences towards our concerns, so many life instances that get ignored and eat away at us. This is where my skills in advocacy was born, I observed, noted and stated cases as they were listening to rebuttals given and confidently challenging them with facts and evidenced in pictures or statements.

My children have grown up seeing me become a troubleshooter not just for me and my family but for others in the community, in my past for no charge as once brought to my attention I saw that they needed help and I knew I could help them and win and I did. As a parent, I have shown the best of myself to my children and others.

I am realising more since the Child Q incident happened and information read, that for us not to assist the children any way we can, we are possibly supporting what the authorised, rogue professionals are choosing to do.

We only have one shot at life and there are so many positives to take from life experiences so why do so many negatives hinder us and prevent us from living better lives. We choose to turn a blind eye as many have been doing for years. Social action good or bad affects us all and social malfeasance in anyway shape or form can impact any of us at any time. If not in this generation it can affect our children’s children in the next and this has been the case.

So for all students, parents, educators, metropolitan police directly or indirectly involved in the case of Child Q moving forward, do what is right or face the consequences of your actions because it cannot continue.

If racism is the reason as a professional you have chosen to prejudice a case you are involved in, do not work within the public sector in any role that requires more than you could give authentically causing no harm to others.

Plan of Action for Parents

As a parent I end in writing the best advice I could give you if you are concerned about anything in your child/children’s educational facility:

Ask for a meeting first

Make sure that when you attend, you do not go in intending to defend your child but remain unbiased and find out the facts and resolve the situation amicably. If that means that your child needs to be disciplined then that will have to be the case and if it means a teacher has to be dismissed this too has to be the case.

Contacting the School/College, if by phone note in your File – The Date, Time, Who you spoke to and the Incident discussed. Preferably in writing by email – Acknowledge the discussion you just had and every discussion, as then they cannot change plans of action or state something different from what has actually been discussed. Keep communication re progress in emails ALWAYS if you can.
FAO: Mrs XYX Just writing to say thank you for our meeting on …
State in the email all that was discussed and actions to be taken.

Be prepared to listen attentively and make an informed decision after hearing what all parties have had to say. Ensure that your child attends the meeting with something to say (or something written to present – By Them) as the meeting is because of them.

Do not allow any child to opt out of a situation that involves them unless their mental capacity does not permit them to. Taking responsibility is key and empowers them in learning how to speak up in a world that is unfortunately too often trying to silence them.

Be calm, respectful but most of all listen and only speak when asked to or when you have requested to speak.

Students and parents supported with educational setting problems by external professionals do have a chance of getting their situation resolved a lot better than with scheduled meetings with staff within the school system, alone.

One of the reasons why this happens from what I have gathered from those that I have supported, is because they are finally heard and the organisation only listened attentively because they are now exposed to a third party in their conduct and the student being advocated for, both student and parent feel protected and speak openly about their experiences. The other panel members have been the ones to request that the meeting be closed and wished the student well.

So, in times of struggle with your child, with a school, college or university issue, always try to resolve it with the organisation, with support.
Your child cannot just walk out and quit, they have to attend because they deserve to create the best future they can for their lives and the problem may not be them.

Your child’s belief in the importance of their studies is as a result of you as a parent instilling in them the mindset to know why they have chosen the course they have and what they wish to do in this world with what they are studying. Regular conversations consolidates their ideas and plans in their developing minds.

Quitting is not an option unless it is to join a preferred course that is suited towards them achieving success in their chosen professional life path and so if this is the case let your child know that they can talk to you and help them in making the changes needed.

Their lives are important and they need to be supported ongoing, parenting does not end when a child turns 18 or 21, it is for life.

Plan of Action for Professionals

Teachers and Lecturers if they have acted wrongfully also have to be disciplined, there has to be consequences for their malpractice. Accepting that you have to change your profession if you cannot adjust to what to os going to take for you to be the best to the children in your days at work. No student should have to live with life crises at home and at school emotional abuse from their teachers.

Accept that it is not always the students that are wrong and I have seen this too often, firsthand, as a Residential School Nurse since the 1990s and as a parent since my firstborn started school in 1993. Listen to students that you have in your presence, I have seen teachers speak to students but I have seen too many students that have been ignored by their teachers, frustrated and angry as they have social aspects that they are dealing with in their lives that their teachers are not aware of because they did not bother to notice something was not right.

Teachers that go through the motions but do not actually see what is presenting and say the child was being disruptive and so they ended up in my office having time to cool down. Time where, with sincere concern extended, defence behaviours vanished and students opened up, telling me of situations that were occurring in the school community or at home that had them very upset and not able to focus in class.

REMEMBER – Coaches, Advocates and Legal Representatives are available to help you. I am one in the UK a Life, Family and Relationship Coach and the pleasure would be mine to receive communication from you to assist you anyway that I can in addressing your presenting concerns. You are never alone, you are only as alone as you choose to be.

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