Why Fairy tales and happily ever after are bullsh*t!

Posted on March 24, 2022 by Lois Lavrisa , One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Why Happily Ever after is Bullsh*t

Yes, I went there.

I yanked back the curtain of the fairy tale notion of “And they lived happily ever after..” and saw a big lying monster standing there.

Wait, can we not be happy?

What do you mean?

Of course we can be happy.

And I know that I’m always striving to create and foster happiness for myself and those in my orbit.

What I’m getting at is the bullsh*t of the fairy tale ending and how it sets us up to try to achieve that unrealistic outcome for our life.

For example, let’s take the ending of the classic tale “Cinderella” as portrayed in the 1950 Disney animated movie (I know there have been a zillion remakes since then.)

Here is a very short version of the ending.

“….Cinderella reveals she has the other slipper, which the Grand Duke places on her foot, much to Lady Tremaine’s dismay. Cinderella and the Prince are married, and share a kiss as they set off in a carriage for their honeymoon. And they lived happily ever after.”

Now, I love happiness and love stories (although I am not a huge fan of glass slippers:)

What I am conflicted about is the “And they lived happily ever after.”

Why?

It sets up a blanket statement that indicates happy all the time (ever after) is the only way to live.

And that someone other than you creates this for you (a prince, in this example)

You and I both know this is not true.

And for us to try to chase after the fairytale ending, or expect that that is what we should attain, results in huge disappointment, so much wasted energy and time and constantly keeps us wondering what we did wrong if we don’t have it.

In the real world – joy and pain, and happiness and sadness, trials and triumphs, heartbreak and love, struggle and achievements, conflict and peace, exhaustion and exhilaration, grief and joy, failure and success, ….. all co-exist.

And I’ll go a step further.

You do not need someone else to make your happy come true.

You can be your own hero. You are the architect of your life. You can live your real, imperfect, full life just as you want it.

And you need no “rescuing” from someone.

You can save yourself.

You have the power.

Here is my realistic ending for “Cinderella.”

Upon returning from their honeymoon, where they had a lovely time although Cinderella got sunburnt and the Prince ended up with a nasty hangover from too much celebrating, they went back to the palace.

As the Queen greeted them she began to judge Cinderella on her choice of clothing, “Must you continue to wear that gown? It is terribly out of fashion.”

The King let the Prince know there is rumor of an uprising that the Prince needed to attend to ASAP.

Cinderella was instructed to take care of the servants who were all complaining about the working conditions (castles are so damp and drafty and the mice are overrunning the place!) and threatening to strike.

You get the point.

Of course, the Prince and Cinderella can still have happiness (most of the time- happy all the time is simply unrealistic) as they navigate all the responsibilities and the myriad of relationships etc.. in their life.

To wrap this up, I’d like to share some of my favorite quotes about happiness:

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” —Aristotle

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them..” —Steve Maraboli

“Happiness consists more in conveniences of pleasure that occur everyday than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom.” —Benjamin Franklin

Make your own happiness:)

Lois