How to Get from Here to There: Four Practical Approaches to Transition
Posted on March 14, 2022 by Candice Reffe, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
In transition? Find your way from where you are to what’s next using these four coaching questions and accompanying practices.
Gathering the courage to end something that no longer serves you? Absorbing the aftershocks of an unexpected ending? Pasting a handful of stars that glow in the dark toward a new start?
HERE ARE FOUR QUESTIONS AND PRACTICES that have helped my clients navigate to what’s next—and that you can ask yourself:
1. WHAT LIGHTS ME UP?
Recall a few experiences when who you were synced up with what you were doing, when self-consciousness slipped away, time seemed to stop, you stretched beyond your limits—and felt exhilarated. Describe in detail the specific conditions that are conducive to your flow. Which are prerequisites for what you say yes to next?
2. WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK?
During transitions, we’re vulnerable to our inner critics. A voice blurts out: You’re not good enough, you’ll fail anyway why try. I work with clients to befriend their inner critics, using a process developed by Internal Family Systems (IFS). Instead of chasing the critic away, invite it in. Be curious—think of the critic as a person you want to know better: Where does she come from? What is he afraid of? What’s the role they’re playing on your behalf? Befriending the critic shifts the relationship, changing can’t to can.
3. WHAT IS DRIVING ME NOW?
You’ve identified a few possible futures—but you’re uncertain which to pursue. Our brains are social in nature, yet what drives us in social contexts is often invisible to us. Linked to the brain’s perception of threat and reward, David Rock identified five domains of the social brain: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness—or SCARF. Which are key to your thriving? You may discover a conflict between needs: You crave autonomy—you’re considering starting your own business—but a competing need for certainty is holding you back. Start by identifying and ranking your social drivers.
4. WHAT PRACTICES WILL SUPPORT ME IN TRANSITION?
When reality is wobbly, it’s helpful to find a still point, a cloud you can rest on midflight. Neuroscientist and psychologist Lisa Barrett Feldman (Seven ½ Lessons About The Brain) practices awe five minutes a day—these days by watching jellyfish swim on the Monterey Bay Aquariums live feed. One of my clients fostered a cat at Covid’s outset, stroked the cat five minutes every morning and evening—and reset his own purr. Another wandered off-trail with a GPS—the woods soothed her but that she lost and found her way every time buoyed her confidence in her inner GPS. What practice might you design?
(Find the full article with links to learn more about each approach at Candice Reffe’s LinkedIn.)
A former C-Suite executive, Candice Reffe is an executive and life coach who specializes in transition and leadership development. Her award-winning book of poems, Live from the Mood Board, explores the world of work.
