Is Proving Ourselves Contributing to Burnout?
Posted on March 10, 2022 by Shawna Lettroy, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
We have been conditioned to believe that we must prove ourselves in our organization but this belief can contribute to burnout in our lives.
As women in management, we have encountered a number of challenging situations in order to climb the corporate ladder. In the face of certain circumstances, we have demonstrated behaviours resulting from our inherent beliefs that have served us throughout our lives and helped us attain the level of success that we have currently. Although these thoughts and beliefs once served us, the resulting behaviours are not sustainable long-term. We need more effective actions; actions that will allow for continued success in our managerial positions, in addition to enjoying the presence and the undivided attention that we deserve in our personal lives. This article will focus on the thoughts and behaviours associated with the belief of proving ourselves.
We have been told most of our careers that we “need to pay our dues”. We have worked our way up in the organization to our current managerial position and this belief still exists. We feel the need to prove our worth as a manager to our senior leaders, our colleagues and our organizations. This is a constant struggle as we’re only as good as our last success. In our minds, everything before is forgotten. It’s like we’re starting from scratch each time and no goodwill has been built up before then. This leads to a constant state of proving ourselves. We end up taking more and more responsibilities because we want to prove that we are effective managers. Accepting additional responsibilities means that all cannot be accomplished in the course of regular business hours which cuts into our personal time. Time away from our families. Time that we need to rejuvenate and replenish. Time that we deserve.
When examining the belief of proving ourselves more closely, we see that it is tied to a number of factors. First, as managers, we are assessed on criteria in order to determine our performance success. The criteria may have certain ranges over and above “meets expectations.” For many of us, this is not enough. What are we making it mean that we are just meeting expectations and not exceeding expectations? Are we looking at this as criticism or developmental/career-progression opportunities? Are we wearing ourselves out by chasing the elusive perfection? It is important for us to ask ourselves these questions to determine the beliefs that our actions are founded upon. If we are coming from a place of chasing success, we will constantly be in “hurried” state. This space does not lend itself well to gaining the knowledge necessary to develop. If we are coming from a place of learning, we are more calm and focused to absorb information readily.
Secondly, proving ourselves may also involve seeking external validation in addition to the measurement criteria as set out in our performance agreement. We may have excelled in all fronts but this still isn’t enough. Why do we look for validation outside of predetermined assessment criteria? The reason may be that we have certain expectations of how we should be valued and the criteria does not reflect the amount of time, energy and effort that we expend in our positions. A question to ask ourselves is, “How am I valuing my own worth?” The truth is, we need to be our number one cheerleader. We need to have our own back and determine how we are valuing ourselves. If we don’t value ourselves, how can we expect this from anyone else?
Lastly, when we feel the need to prove ourselves, we tend to exaggerate our “failures”. If we have experienced a situation that did not occur as intended, we beat ourselves up and focus on this last event. Our minds go into overdrive and the negative dialogue takes over. Our thoughts multiply exponentially and we end up expending so much more energy on thoughts that are not serving us instead of learning from the situation and moving on. It is important in these types of situations that we ask ourselves, “What can I learn from this?” where we come from a place of curiosity not blame. Curiosity opens us up to possibilities for learning. Blame closes them off.
The above are just a few situations, stemming from the need to prove ourselves, that may contribute to burnout for women managers. The idea of proving ourselves seems to be such a admirable quality but when go unchecked, it can have devastating consequences to our well-being. The next time you are faced with any of the above, I urge you to consider the situations from a different standpoint. Ask yourselves the questions that pivot your thinking. It takes practice but once you have learned to think differently, your actions will follow…actions that support your well-being and contribute to dousing the burnout flame.
