Stop Being Too Picky and Start Dating More

Posted on February 23, 2022 by Acacia Quaintance , One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

How to avoid the picky trap! Sometimes when we think about our “dream partner” we have a long list of needs and wants (I know I did), like blonde hair, or blue eyes, 6’0”, must be a millionaire (haha)! While having standards is important, some men and women sabotage their love lives by being too selective.

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO TELL YOU TO NOT HAVE STANDARDS! However, it is just to help you determine where to draw the line on your level of pickiness. Maybe you’re eager to marry and have children. On the other hand, maybe you’d be just as happy being single for life as long as your relationships are caring and rewarding.

It’s up to you to figure out your dating needs and what your long term goal is. Meanwhile, use these suggestions to stop excess pickiness from interfering with your journey.

Holding Onto Healthy Pickiness:

1. Gain experience. Dating shows you what your options look like. You learn about yourself and your potential partners by sampling some variety. Be open to unlikely possibilities as long as you’re true to your core values.

2. Heal old patterns. Sometimes we must take some time away from dating to heal from the old stuff that hurt us. If we are constantly getting into relationships that turn toxic, we have to stop and think about our patterns.

3. Think positive. This one is so important!! It’s easy to get caught up with concerns about settling or missing out or seeing everyone around you settling down and getting jealous or down on yourself. Shift your focus so that you’re aiming for a fulfilling love life instead of feeling anxious about whether you’re living up to social expectations.

4. Focus on internals. Kindness and generosity matter much more than annual salaries or pretty faces. Evaluate your criteria.

5. Set priorities. The longer your laundry list, the harder it is to find a partner. You can marry someone who’s compatible on the essential items, and then find a friend who likes to hike.

Letting Go of Less Healthy Pickiness:

1. Understand your motives. It’s ironic that some singles have a rigid type, but they have trouble describing what it is. Gaining insights into your reasoning will empower you to make more deliberate choices.

2. Face your doubts. Silly deal-breakers can be a way of avoiding intimacy. If you’re rejecting anyone who doesn’t have an Instagram account, you may want to examine how you really feel about getting close to others.

3. Review your history. How can you tell if you’re too picky? Count how long it’s been since your last date or ask yourself if you regret turning down some of your past suitors.

4. Accept more invitations. You can still turn over a new leaf. Say yes when someone asks you out to dinner or go to the next cocktail party that your friends arrange.

5. Ask your friends. Speaking of friends, they may have given up on you if you were unenthusiastic about their past attempts at matchmaking. Let them know you appreciate introductions and moral support. Encourage them to give you feedback while you’re trying to become less critical.

6. Be flexible. How specific is your checklist? You’ll have more options if you search for someone athletic instead of insisting that they win an Olympic medal.

7. Stop watching movies. Disney has ruined all of us! While you don’t need to give up streaming, you may want to cut back on romantic comedies or at least watch them with them a more discerning eye. Distinguish between Hollywood stereotypes and reality.

8. Suspend judgement. You may have instant chemistry with a soul mate or it may take a while to surface. Resolve to go out on at least 3 dates before you make a decision about whether to continue seeing someone.

Listen to your heart instead of your fears. You deserve a loving relationship that lives up to your expectations, and you can strengthen your chances of success by making those expectations clear and reasonable. Be picky about your top priorities, and let the small stuff go.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.