Tips to Help Make Parenting Teens Easier
Posted on February 08, 2022 by Allison Hartman, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.
Feel like you have no idea what you are doing as a parent of a teen? Don't worry - there is no "right way." It can be easier with these tips though!
First of all, congratulations for making it this far! You and your teen have survived to see another day! You may have thought that infancy and toddler years would be the toughest and that raising older children would be a breeze. However, you probably now realize that certainly is not the case. Each stage of a child’s life has its own unique challenges and what worked when they were 5 and 10 will not work when they are 15.
Parenting is like juggling water balloons. Parenting teens is like juggling water balloons on fire.
You might feel like you aren’t parenting “the right way.” You might feel like if you don’t do or say certain things that your teen will end up in jail or dead before they are 21. Ok, that’s a little dramatic, but as parents we are in continual worry-mode. Rest assured that there really is no “right way.” But there are things that do make parenting teens a little easier. I have compiled a list of tips that I encourage you to try!
1. Love them no matter what they do. Everyone needs at least one person in their life that loves them unconditionally. Withholding your love from your child as a punishment will only create issues with trust in the future.
2. Give them ample space, but always let them know you are there if they need an ear or a hug. You remember what it was like being a teen. The last thing you wanted to do was be “bothered” by your parents. You wanted freedom, privacy, and space. This does not mean they don’t love you. It means they are learning how to assert their authority on their path towards independence.
3. Practice what you preach. If they see you doing the things you ask them not to, it will be an uphill battle. Additionally, let them see you doing the things you want them to do. For example, apologize to others in front of them, practice good manners in social situations, clean up after yourself, and so on.
4. Forcing them to do something they don’t want to do will probably not end well. Do you like to be forced to do anything? Think about it. Instead of saying, “you have to…” try to meet in the middle. Not only will this be a relief to your teen, but they will be more likely in the future to acquiesce to your requests. Remember, the role of a parent is not to control a child, but rather teach them responsible independence.
5. Empower your teen by including them in certain household decisions – they will feel valued and heard. Everyone needs to feel heard. If you aren’t comfortable with asking their opinion on major family decisions, then attempt to discuss those decisions around your partner or with others in front of your teen. Even minor decisions will help them feel heard. Let them voice their opinion on where to go on the family vacation, the weekend schedule, gifts to get other family members, what to have for dinner, etc.
*HINT: DO NOT attempt to do this with decisions surrounding divorce, addiction, or financial issues.
6. Explain your expectations about social media/internet use clearly and stick to them. Privacy is important, but protecting your teens is also important. If you are clear up front and they acknowledge the boundaries you set, even if they break them later, the fallout will be far less. Arguments over social media, phones, or screen time come about when they see restrictions as unfair because rules were not clearly defined in the beginning.
7. Just listen. Aside from the #1 tip above, this may be the most important one. When they talk about school, their friends, a problem they are having – just listen. Nine times out of ten, they want to vent; they are not seeking advice. If you practice listening only, they will be much more comfortable talking to you about anything and everything in their life.
BONUS: Self-care is vital when parenting a teen. Just as they need time away from you, you should not feel guilty about having time away from them. If they are old enough and you are comfortable with them staying home alone or with friends, take full advantage of that time to leave the house and do whatever makes you happy. Even just an hour driving around blasting your favorite songs may be the boost you need to come back with a clear mind and be better equipped to practice patience with your teen.
Finally, always remember that as their parent, you were their first hero. Embrace and enjoy these years and don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back every once in a while. You are doing great!
