Passive-aggressive behavior in a relationship

Posted on February 03, 2022 by Iva Schubart, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

A passive-aggressive behavior of a partner means this person will get angry and upset, but will not openly manifest these emotions. Instead, he or she will pass the anger and frustrations to you, by blocking anything you may need, blaming you for your negative manifestations and quarrels. Unfortunately, you can rarely resolve a problem with a passive-aggressive partner, because these people are never open to talking about an issue. This is because passive-aggressive people usually suffer from low self-esteem and shame, so they’re not willing to take in any kind of responsibility.
Instead of manifesting anger and talking openly about the things that bother them, passive-aggressive people will employ a variety of strategies to keep you from having what you need and desire. They will also do their best to ruin the plans of their partners. Thus, a relationship with a passive-aggressive partner is never fulfilling, can be counterproductive, and can be the birth of numerous frustrations. So, here is how you can identify passive-aggressive behavior in a relationship.
• Verbal hostility is done in a disguised manner
Passive-aggressive people won’t say they are angry out loud. But they will employ negative gossips, will criticize your ideas, and will think nothing of your expectations. You’ll feel like being treated like a child, who doesn’t know what he’s talking or doing.
• Sarcasm and other types of hostile humor
Used under the veil of “I was just joking”, hostile humor is also a method employed to discourage you. Thus, a passive-aggressive person will be sarcastic at your address and will tease you when he or she has the chance. You can be teased about the way you look, background, credentials, decisions, and others.
• Hostility targeting the relationship
Passive-aggressive people prefer adopting the silent treatment, and ignore you, if they are upset or angry, instead of confronting you and trying to solve the problems. Besides ignoring you, neglect and excluding you socially are part of this category as well. These are meant to get you out of balance and to punish you for whatever is seen as bothering by the other person.
• Using psychological manipulation in a disguised manner
This type of passive-aggressive behavior involves the use of lies and excuses of all kinds, and a dual personality, meaning the person will behave differently in two given situations, commonly known as being two-faced. Your “buttons” will be pushed deliberately and, even though you’re the victim, you will be asked why you behave as a victim. Mixed messages will also be sent, meant to keep you out of balance, and the truth will be deformed.
It is important to remember that a passive-aggressive person will try to punish you and discharge anger through less obvious methods. However, you will feel bad because this is the aim of the used strategies. You’ll be laughed at and never taken seriously, you will be served lies and deformed versions of the truth, and you’ll be made to believe that you’re victimizing yourself, even if you are indeed the victim in this case. You will be ignored and excluded, stabbed behind the back, gossiped, and avoided. As you can tell, all these lead to frustrations, besides causing unpleasant situations and negative emotions.
Dealing with this kind of behavior in your relationship is not easy. The recommendation is to avoid reacting to this behavior, as you’re only going to make things worse. Also, don’t play along with your partner’s strategies or accept to take in the other’s responsibilities. This will only encourage more passive-aggressive behavior. Instead, be assertive, rather than being passive or aggressive. It may take a while, but with the right approach, you can obtain results.

A passive-aggressive behavior of a partner means this person will get angry and upset, but will not openly manifest these emotions. Instead, he or she will pass the anger and frustrations to you, by blocking anything you may need, blaming you for your negative manifestations and quarrels. Unfortunately, you can rarely resolve a problem with a passive-aggressive partner, because these people are never open to talking about an issue. This is because passive-aggressive people usually suffer from low self-esteem and shame, so they’re not willing to take in any kind of responsibility.
Instead of manifesting anger and talking openly about the things that bother them, passive-aggressive people will employ a variety of strategies to keep you from having what you need and desire. They will also do their best to ruin the plans of their partners. Thus, a relationship with a passive-aggressive partner is never fulfilling, can be counterproductive, and can be the birth of numerous frustrations. So, here is how you can identify passive-aggressive behavior in a relationship.
• Verbal hostility is done in a disguised manner
Passive-aggressive people won’t say they are angry out loud. But they will employ negative gossip, will criticize your ideas, and will think nothing of your expectations. You’ll feel like being treated like a child, who doesn’t know what he’s talking or doing.
• Sarcasm and other types of hostile humor
Used under the veil of “I was just joking”, hostile humor is also a method employed to discourage you. Thus, a passive-aggressive person will be sarcastic at your address and will tease you when he or she has the chance. You can be teased about the way you look, background, credentials, decisions, and others.
• Hostility targeting the relationship
Passive-aggressive people prefer adopting the silent treatment, and ignore you, if they are upset or angry, instead of confronting you and trying to solve the problems. Besides ignoring you, neglect and excluding you socially are part of this category as well. These are meant to get you out of balance and to punish you for whatever is seen as bothering by the other person.
• Using psychological manipulation in a disguised manner
This type of passive-aggressive behavior involves the use of lies and excuses of all kinds, and a dual personality, meaning the person will behave differently in two given situations, commonly known as being two-faced. Your “buttons” will be pushed deliberately and, even though you’re the victim, you will be asked why you behave as a victim. Mixed messages will also be sent, meant to keep you out of balance, and the truth will be deformed.
It is important to remember that a passive-aggressive person will try to punish you and discharge anger through less obvious methods. However, you will feel bad because this is the aim of the used strategies. You’ll be laughed at and never taken seriously, you will be served lies and deformed versions of the truth, and you’ll be made to believe that you’re victimizing yourself, even if you are indeed the victim in this case. You will be ignored and excluded, stabbed behind the back, gossiped, and avoided. As you can tell, all these lead to frustrations, besides causing unpleasant situations and negative emotions.
Dealing with this kind of behavior in your relationship is not easy. The recommendation is to avoid reacting to this behavior, as you’re only going to make things worse. Also, don’t play along with your partner’s strategies or accept to take in the other’s responsibilities. This will only encourage more passive-aggressive behavior. Instead, be assertive, rather than being passive or aggressive. It may take a while, but with the right approach, you can obtain results.