How long does it take to recovery from infidelity?
Posted on January 20, 2022 by Richard Elliot, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
There cannot be a “one size fits all” to the timeline for infidelity recovery, but there are some general principles that apply in most cases
Stage 1 – Trauma & Crisis
This is the stage right after the cheating has been disclosed or discovered. More commonly known as D-day. This is a period of numbness, shock, anger and overwhelming grief. The couple and the relationship are in crisis. Neither the hurt party or the unfaithful party can think clearly, and a period where coaching can really help
Stage 2 – Stabilization
In this stage, the heightened emotions of D-day have settled down a bit and the couple is starting to look at and deal with the core issues that led to the cheating. There is still an emotional roller coaster and often there are many emotionally charged arguments. This is often the stage where the hurt party tries to understand the cheating and get all the details.
Stage 3 – Dealing with the Issues
In this stage the couple has worked through much of the emotions and have survived the initial crisis. The couple is now ready to begin the hard work of healing the relationship and dealing with the myriad of core issues. Once again, this can be a frustrating time as there will be many ups and downs and progress may seem to crawl at a snail’s pace. During this phase the hurt party’s self-confidence slowly starts to return and he may start to feel more secure.
Stage 4 – Working Together
After a while, consistency will return to the relationship which in turn, allows trust to also return (though maybe not quite 100%). The couple will have a sense of cooperation and work together as they continue to rebuild the relationship. The cheating is rarely discussed and most of the focus is on moving forward. There still may be some painful days and triggers may be a semi-frequent issue for the hurt partner.
Stage 5 – Connection and Intimacy
This stage is where the couple attempts to take things to the next level by working to develop a deeper connection and level of intimacy with each other. The memory of the cheating is certainly still there, but there is little to no pain associated with the memories. Each party has done the work to understand who they are and what they need. There is improvement in communication and conflict resolution skills. The couple understand each other’s emotional needs.
