I'm Afraid of Not Being Liked By My Team
Posted on January 18, 2022 by Pamela Kudlick, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.
A leader wants to become a leader of leaders. What's holding him back? He's spending more energy on what others think of him. He finds his truths.
A quiet leader has been in his existing role for several years. He’s wants to grow as a leader of leaders and as we partner together, he wants to influence his internal network to gain valuable career and leadership advice.
After initial career discussions, he is aware that he’s not delegating work. The impact is that he holds back his progress as well as his teams’ growth. He’s accommodating the team too much at the risk of his own health. Sometimes it easier and faster to respond back to his VP’s request than to ask a team member to work on a project. I ask what’s holding him back from delegating.
In a barely audible voice he says, “I’m afraid of not being liked by my team.”
I inquire, “I hear that you are worried about being accepted and yet what’s the cost of spending energy on being liked?” We engage in a discovery of what life would be like without this other-acceptance of who he is. He’d be more engaged, freer and more confident. To move forward, he took these tiny steps with big beliefs.
- Balance his self-awareness of liking himself more than what others think through pausing and daily reflections. Work on appreciating his gifts and full self. His affirmations help him speak and act more authentically.
- Expand relationships in his network to get a broader view of strengths and blind spots.
- Notice when his mind or emotions are askew and ask himself if this is a case of being liked or impressing others to be liked.
- Put it in perspective. He doesn’t like everyone, so why is he so concerned that everyone like him?
- Practice mindful (it’s not all or nothing) delegating while remembering that everyone grows. Let go of micromanaging.
It’s about progress not perfection. He’s gained increased confidence in delegation and spends less time wondering if he will be liked as he responds with integrity and his core values. He’s recently reflected: “Being liked is not a replacement for personal integrity, self-awareness and confidence.” That’s choosing his mind and heart.
