Spiritual lessons from Narcissistic relationships.

Posted on January 13, 2022 by Veronica Bolhovitinova, One of Thousands of Health and Fitness Coaches on Noomii.

Most people on planet Earth have conscience: an inner guidance, an internal sense about the difference between right and wrong. Most people have it, but not all. There is a number of people among us called narcissists who due to their spiritual disability completely lack all conscience. Due to this deficiency these persons unable to relate to others, they do not have empathy to people’s pain and suffering, they derive pleasure from hurting the closest people to them and create a lot of trauma to them throughout their life times. There have been many books written about narcissism and the damage these individuals cause to good hearted people, however there is not much written about the higher purpose of narcissists and the reasons they are sent to the lives of the best of us. This text will focus of the spiritual lessons that we learn from living with narcissists and the valuable purpose they serve on planet Earth.
Imagine life without difficult people. Imagine that all of a sudden no-one ever cheats on their partner, no one lies, manipulates people or lies anymore. Imagine that everyone has integrity, value and respect for others. Imagine that everyone is compassionate, helpful, selfless and sensitive to other people’s needs. Would’t it be a wonderful world?! Most people wish that narcissists would just go away, however, narcissistic individuals are very valuable for our spiritual growth and development. These unfortunate individuals are our most valuable teachers, without whom there would not be amazing books like “Picture of Dorean Gray” or “Crime and Punishment” written, there would not be music by Tchaikovsky or Beethoven nor there would be art by Van Gogh, Salvador Dali or Rembrandt. Literature, art and music are born out of pain and suffering. Narcissists awaken the most spiritual depths of our souls, because they make us suffer. If there is no suffering, there is no awakening, no creativity. Suffering is very important for our spiritual growth, therefore there are many reason’s to thank the narcissists for being among us and the spiritual lessons they leave us with.
Narcissists appear to be very complex individuals, whom most people have great difficulty understanding. They have no defined personalities. They are chameleons who change their characteristics depending on where they are and whom they are with. They also are out of touch with reality and the truth, because they create their own reality and firmly believe in it, denying the common sense and the truth. For that reason, narcissists are eternally confused people, who make grave errors in their lives and eventually destroy themselves. Just like the story in Greek mythology about a Narcissus and Echo describes: “Narcissus was a hunter, a son of the river god Cephisesus and the nymph Liriope. He was a very beautiful man, and many fell in love with him. However he only showed then disdain and contempt. One day, while he was hunting in the woods, the nymph Echo spotted him and immediately fell for him. When Narcissus sensed that someone was following him, Echo eventually revealed herself and tried to hug him. However, he pushed her off and told her not to disturb him. Echo, in despair, roamed around the woods wilting away until all it remained of her was echo sound. Nemesis, the goddess of retribution and revenge, learned what had happened and decided to punish Narcissus for his cruelty and lack of love and compassion for others. She led him to a pool; there, the man saw his reflection in the water and fell in love with it. Although he did not realize in the beginning that it was a reflection, when he understood it, he fell in despair that his love could not materialize and drowned in the lake together with his reflection.” All narcissists while attempting to destroy good people, and corrupt innocent souls, eventually destroy themselves. The spiritual lesson from this characteristic of a narcissist is that there is no hope for their soul recovery because the personality itself is severely diseased and their soul is dead. There is no cure for death. Once a person involved with the narcissist realizes that he or she is involved with this personality disordered individual the only way to act is to break the trauma bond, which we will discuss later, and leave the narcissist.
Narcissists are masters of seduction. Even the most physically unattractive or not particularly intelligent sufferers of this personality disorder, are capable of seducing the most

The only special person in the Universe for a narcissist is himself. These individuals are able to interfere with the intuition of the most spiritual people and make them spiritually and emotionally blind. Often a narcissist would choose a partner who is less attractive than they are, or who they sense has low self worth, or the one who is most empathic to their pitiful stories of how unfortunate they have been. On the other hand they also succeed in conquering the most attractive and intelligent people so that they have a trophy and look like they are so incredible to the outside world to be able to conquer such a desirable person. In reality they can care less about whom they are with, as long as they get their narcissistic supply from them. Whoever gives them most attention, regardless of their internal or external beauty, they will be with. The spiritual lesson of this is that a victim of the narcissistic abuse has to accept the fact that they got into love fraud, that they must cut their losses and move on.
Narcissist’s subconscious goal of seduction of good-natured people is to corrupt them and to convert these nice people to their own kind. These soul-dead individuals know that they live evil lives. Deep inside they hate themselves for their inability to love or feel compassion for others. Narcissist is extremely jealous of other people’s ability to feel emotions of love and compassion, and therefore they hate their victims as well. They must destroy their victim’s soul in order not to feel so inferior and inhumane in comparison with them. As soon as the narcissist conquers his victim and secures her bond for him or her, the devaluing stage begins. A narc had never saw his victim as a person with feelings and soul anyway. They need to punish their victims for their goodness. The Narcissist starts finding the faults in his or her victim which comes with devaluing, covert criticism, blame shifting, and complete lack of compassion. From the most loving, compassionate, spiritual person, a narcissist on the spare of the moment becomes critical, cruel, suspicious, jealous, manipulative, gas lighting monster. The mask that he or she has been wearing has slipped.
Narcissists often provoke fights with their victims in order to have an excuse to escape to secure his secondary supply whom he has been grooming for a while, in other words have a chance

The original Narcissist was archangel Lucifer. Even the flower named after Narcissus which according to the legend grew on the shore of the lake where Narcissus had drowned: a daffodil is called “Narcissus Lucifer”. Was Lucifer lovable? You bet he was! Lucifer was the most charming creature in the Universe, so was Narcissus. Was everyone feeling true love for Lucifer and Narcissus? The answer is no. People who find themselves involved in a long relationship with a narcissist often feel that they love the narcissist unconditionally and passionately, profoundly and deeply. They would forgive the narcissist for his mistreatment of them and dismiss their inner voice telling them that this relationship is destroying their mental and physical health. If you feel that your partner is manipulating you, gas-lights you, if he or she cheats on you or is inconsistent in his or her communication, such as they loved you passionately yesterday and they criticize and devalue you today knocking you down from the pedestal they put you on, you undoubtably living with a narcissist. This is not love, its an addiction. One cannot love one day and abuse the next. What it really is, a very complex phenomenon called trauma-bonding. Trauma bonding is stronger than love bond, and it is harder to leave a trauma-bond type of relationship than to leave a loving relationship. Any breakup is painful, but there is a huge difference between leaving a loving relationship that is just not working anymore and the trauma bond relationship. In the regular breakup, there is a closure. Two people decide it is not worth to continue the relationship and decide to go their own ways letting each other go with love and peace. After the breakup, normal people stay alone for a

Victims of narcissists abuse often say: " I loved him so much! I thought he was my soulmate. I gave all I’ve got". After the cruel and cold discard by the narcissist, these victims feel lost, used, empty, devalued, unlovable, broken, anxious, depressed. They cannot sleep, they have nightmares, they feel like they will never be happy again, that the narcissist has changed them forever into someone that they do not even recognize in themselves. They experience symptoms of complex post traumatic stress disorder. This was not love. It was a love fraud: a powerful trauma- bond. Trauma bond is initiated in childhood from the inconsistencies of parental love and in simple definition it is “association of love with absence of abuse”. When you were a small child your survival depended completely on your parents for survival. You learn that to be assertive about your choices, wants and needs is punishable. For a narcissistic parents their children are extension of themselves, they are stripped of their unique personality, have no rights to feel anger, to deviate from what their controlling parent wants them to be. If a child does not want to eat veggies, for example, and throws a temper tantrum about it, a narcissistic parent will punish the child. As a result the child concluded that if he or she is being assertive about his or her needs they will be punished. To a young child, a parent is as powerful as God. No matter how cruel or controlling your parent was, you knew that you could not survive without them. Because you completely depend on your parent, you believe that you love her and you also believe that she loves you. This is the beginning of the trauma bond. Inconsistencies in the relationship and association of love with absence of abuse is the basis of this life destroying concept. A child concludes that his or her needs are not important and that he or she don’t matter. A perpetuate seeking of validation from the person you love and receiving intermittent reinforcement and crumbs of approval from them sets stage for subconsciously looking for abusive partners who are unable to ever loving you.
Trauma bonding is a complex phenomenon that has five elements by which it is formed literally producing chemical changes in the brain. Trauma bond produces the same chemical effect in the brain as addictions do, so technically you become addicted to your abuser. a relationship with the narcissist becomes a spiritual disease. Most victims of narcissists report not even liking the person they are with, they feel the terrible trauma of abuse, but they decide to stay having the hardest time leaving the abusive relationship.Trauma bonding defy all logic because it is deeper than our conscious mind can comprehend. Lets explore these five mechanisms in detail.
The first element of trauma bonding is known as the Stockholm syndrome, where the victims fall in love with their kidnapper. The victim’s survival depends on the kidnapper. The kidnapper becomes all powerful God-like entity. One day the kidnapper is nice to the victim: he feeds her, talks to her, seems nice and kind to her while there is an imminent danger of death. This

The second mechanism of the trauma bond is repetitive compulsion disorder. Virtually all victims of the narcissistic abuse experience this fascinating and tragic phenomenon. When a bunch of lab-rats are trained to push the button to get their daily meal, they get their food and are content and happy. But a different thing happens when the button gets set on random. Sometimes it may take three pushes to get the food, sometimes, five pushes, some times twelve pushes. The rats get addicted to pushing the button forgetting to eat and drink water until the whole cage is full of pellets. They forget all self-care, they forget to even eat their pellets: the main reason they were pushing the button to begin with. Eventually they die of starvation while their cage is full of pellets. That’s what happens with gamblers and people who tragically find themselves involved with narcissists and sociopaths (which is the same type of people). In the case of a narcissist, who is unreliable, unpredictable, where you don’t know who is going to walk through the door: the love bombing affectionate and caring person or the critical, moody, condescending and manipulative one, the victim is forever pushing the button of approval by a narcissist and while they get inconsistent reinforcement from them , they get affected by repetitive compulsive disorder forever hoping that the narcissist had changed or had realized how much they hurt their partner. Because the narcissist is incapable of self-reflection, this is simple not possible. The victim of narcissistic abuse while hoping that their narcissist will change, gets stuck in the abusive relationship for decades and often for the rest of their lives. The lesson from the recognition of the repetitive compulsive disorder is that the moment your intuition or research reveals that you are in this, it is time to change and step out of this toxic relationship.
The third mechanism of the trauma bond is cognitive dissonance which is tension created as a result of two opposing thoughts. It goes hand in hand with the technique of gas-lighting all narcissists master and use against their victims. Cognitive dissonance happens when a victim feels something is wrong, for example when their intuition tells them that their partner is cheating on them, so they verbalize their concern and suspicion to their narcissistic partner, who calls them controlling in jealous, and refuses to address the issue, despite multiple evidence of his or her infidelity. The person with conscience may ignore her intuition and even start believing hat something was wrong with her. Often previously happy people seek help of psychiatrists and therapists and get addicted to medications in their belief that they are mentally ill. The narcissist has no problem with making their victim feel like they are crazy or mentally ill. Their goal is to prove that their victim is just as bad and evil as they are, to destroy their victim’s self worth and their sense of intuition and common sense. The partner of a narcissist is in the constant state of cognitive dissonance and anxiety. This state slowly corrodes their pure souls and indeed brings them closer to unconsciousness of narcissism. If it would make the logical sense to see the things as they truly are and realize that the only way to healthy life is the way out of this abusive bond, it would be easy to break the trauma bond. However, it is impossible without knowledge and spiritual enlightenment to break this toxic bond. Empaths and victims of narcissistic abuse must learn their own imbalances and the reasons they attracted a toxic narcissist into their lives. Usually the victim of the narcissistic abuse is the kindest, most loving, compassionate and caring person. These nice people have major issues to resolve for themselves, however, such as blurred personal boundaries, giving too much of

One of the most painful realizations of the victims of narcissistic relationships is that they do not matter to the narcissist. Quite often it is very evident that the narcissist’s goal to demonstrate to you that you mean nothing to them, to prove to you that you are unlovable, worthless, and disposable person. No matter how much love and care you gave the narcissist, they will find ant chance to show you that your love and care meant nothing to them. This comes from the narcissist’s own sense of worthlessness, their deep fear of abandonment, their self loathing and complete absence of love, empathy and compassion towards people. Often the victim is manipulated to apologize for some projected faults they may have had after the horrific abusive actions by the narcissist. The narcissist may have been serially heating and were caught, however they skillfully flip the truth around and persuade their victim that they are crazy jealous and controlling, that the victim may start believing it being true and ignore their own intuitive voice telling them the truth. They are unable to realize the consequences of their actions which eventually causes their own demise. Once you realize that all those self conscious feeling were nothing more than the narcissists projections of his or her own insecurities onto you, the recovery from the narcissistic abuse is now possible.
One of the hardest things for a kind, loving people to deal with after the narcissistic relationship ends is the anger and resentment towards their abuser. That is due to the Ego that was activated in you because of the prolonged cognitive dissonance, continuous failed hopes for the narcissist’s awakening, and the loss of dreams for the future with these toxic people.
Narcissists are master illusionists. They manipulate their victim’s perception of reality to win them over. A narcissist presents himself in the way his victim wants to see him. It is a true love fraud. Who is an illusionist? It’s a trickster who will distract your attention with colorful exiting distractions, a show, to then surprise you with a trick that you can never figure out. Narcissists are the same. They are confidence tricksters, conmen of human souls. They will trick you to believe that you are the love of their lives, they will make you blind with promises of the future, exiting travels, family, soulmate connection and passionate love. That is all bluff, fraud and false promises. The only goal for the narcissist is to secure you as his victim who would never dare to get off their toxic hook. They do succeed in their manipulations especially those narcs who have money and power, ofter driving their victims to terminal illness and even suicide.
Ask yourself: do you want to live in the world of lies, deception, illusions, gossip, cheating, upside down reality? This is an horrific reality of a narcissist’s life. These people are out of touch with reality, therefore they are crazy. Narcissist create their own reality and believe in it. They reject and despise the truth. To them the truth is their enemy because they must hide their ugly self from the world the best they can so no one would ever find out who they truly are. The weird thing is that most narcissists will reveal themselves directly to their victims. Mine told me straight in my face: “My ex-wife (of 30 years) believes, I am an narcissist.” Of course I didn’t believe that, however, it started my research quest about narcissism. I am eternally thankful to my ex narc’s wife to pointing me to the right direction.

Narcissists objectify people. Many people are hurt, broken and wondering why a narcissist walked away so easily and jumped into a new relationship almost overnight after their relationship with a narcissist has ended. It is important to understand how the narcissist views all relationships in his or her life. Narcissists have a harem of secondary supply sources that they have been grooming for a while in anticipation of losing their current “committed” relationship. A toxic narcissist can be compared to a vagabond or a hobo: forever wondering around person without a home or a job, without any responsibilities, commitment or duties to anyone, who makes their lives out of this. A vagabond wanders around looking for a place to rest for the night. He may find a bench or a freight train box car with its door open and he will call it a home for a few weeks until the security shows up and kicks him out. Then he walks away with the smile on his face and finds another bench or a wagon to rest in for the next few nights. He may peak back at an old wagon from time to time to see if it becomes available and if he can squat there again because it feels familiar. They do not invest into this wagon, don’t take care of it, they have no particular attachment to this wagon or a bench. Same analogy applies to a narcissist. To a narcissist you are nothing more than a train wagon or a bench. These individuals are emotional vagabonds. They have no commitment to anyone, no responsibilities, no investment of their energy in their relationships. Relationships are too much work for them. At some point in their lives narcissists decided that they don’t want an accountability and responsibility to maintain a solid foundation in life a steady committed relationship. For them relationships are simply situationships that end sooner or later, once security son their victim’s conscience shows up. Than this situationship will get way too difficult and they move onto their next bench or a train wagon. That explains why they replace their partners overnight and jump into another situationship so quickly, while you take time to heal from this abusive relationship. However, the people with conscience must learn why it happened to them, why they attracted this vagabond and hobos into their lives to begin with. This happened because the door to your soul was wide open, just like the boxcar’s door was open for a vagabond. You must learn to put up the boundaries and shut the door for invasion of vagabonds and moochers in your precious life.