How to rekindle intimacy in your relationship.
Posted on January 06, 2022 by Noam Gamady, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Intimacy is the bedrock upon which all successful relationships are built. Here are 5 specific and actionable steps to improve your intimacy today:
Introduction
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I love working with couples because there is so much opportunity for growth. In a recent session, the subject of intimacy came up. “We’ve been married for 10 years… we used to have such great intimacy, I’m not sure what happened.”
In the beginning of every relationship, we fall in love. After a while, the “honeymoon” is over, the relationship shifts and the intimacy may start to go down. If you have been in a committed relationship for any length of time, you’ve probably experienced this yourself.
Characteristics of Intimacy.
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The nature of intimacy is such that it is very fleeting. You can have it today and tomorrow it becomes strained, it’s not something you can hold onto.
Intimacy is not a destination you arrive at, or a result you obtain. Instead, intimacy is a value, a quality, something you continue working on every single day. Think of it as being in a zone of balance, quality, harmony, and excitement in your relationship.
If you’ve lost your intimacy and are wondering if you can rekindle it, keep reading. Intimacy comes in different shapes and forms. For some it’s about romance, candlelit dinners, and watching the sunset together; while others may desire spontaneity and adventure.
Tips to rekindle intimacy:
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1). Clarify intimacy: Start by clarifying what intimacy means to each of you. Is it about sex? Or quality time together? A nice conversation? Deep feelings of care? Role playing? Etc.
2). Plan intimacy: Set clear intentions to work on this together, to spend more time together…E.g. Get a babysitter once a month and have an intimate date night (with chocolate and wine).
3). Present intimacy: Be willing to release your past stories of who you think you are or who your partner is. Stop with expectations of the future and your judgments of the past, focus on where you are right now.
4). Creative intimacy: Get creative and be curious about what excites your partner and what turns them on. Find out what your partner’s love languages are and practice with them. (Reference: The 5 Love Languages).
5). Sensory intimacy: Try an exercise where you touch, smell, feel, and just be with each other, without necessarily having intercourse. Explore new ways to connect and experience each other.
