Your teen is the best. They're also kind of the worst.
Posted on January 06, 2022 by Angie McIntyre, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Living with teens can be both wonderful and exhausting, and it's normal to experience both.
Your teenager is the best, right? They’re super smart, they’ve got a good group of friends, and they’ve been trying harder in school lately. Family friends and teachers constantly tell you how great your teen is, so polite and charming. They participate in extracurricular activities, have exciting ideas about what they want to be when they grow up, and they’re starting to show an interest in the world outside their own little bubble. They even offered to help out with the dishes the other night, without being asked! Yep, your teenager is the best.
But also, your teenager is kind of the worst.
You think they’re smart, but they regularly confound you with their less-than-smart choices, like eating cookie dough for dinner. You’re happy they joined the lacrosse team, but YIKES, that sport is expensive and you suspect they might actually be pretty terrible at it. Your teen does have a good group of friends–except for Kyle, you really don’t like Kyle–but they spend more time talking online than in person, so the friendships don’t really feel real. You’re happy they’re trying harder in school, but they are still way behind, and the lack of urgency to catch up is infuriating. While you agree they are pleasant in public, they have been sullen and moody at home, constantly staring at their phones and providing primal grunts or one-word answers to your questions. Their current career plan is to be a marine biologist or YouTuber, both of which seem somehow based in the desire to swim with dolphins, and they’ve decided they’d like to “see the world and experience life” before they commit to anything long term. Oh, and after they did the dishes the other night, they promptly begged you to buy them yet another pair of shoes. Ugh, your teenager is the worst.
But no really, your teenager is the best.
Because you know that they really are smart, but their little brain is going through a lot right now, struggling to grow and develop the ability to reason and problem-solve. And yes, they ARE terrible at lacrosse (admit it, you know this) but that makes you all the more proud of them for sticking with something that requires some serious work. As for the friends, you are just happy they have people in their lives – virtual or otherwise – that they can relate to and connect with. (Yes, even Kyle). Catching up in school has been a monumental task for them, and you’re impressed with their progress; you’ve also learned that their apparent lack of urgency to complete the work is really just about them figuring out how to prioritize. While you miss your teen’s endless chatter and pre-pubescent goofiness, you get that their newfound quiet is about building independence and a healthy desire for privacy. Although you’ll need to have some conversations about realistic post-high school plans, you also know it’s healthy for them to dream and envision themselves doing what they love. And, of course, you appreciated the help with the dishes, regardless of their motivation.
So yes, your teenager is the best. But they’re gonna have to buy their own shoes.
