Intangible Reciprocation
Posted on December 19, 2021 by Vedika K C, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
We don't think about reciprocity consciously. It is impossible to be exact when it comes to reciprocity, as what one person can do, another cannot.
Reciprocation is an inherent human feeling of obligation, indebtedness. People may be willing to perform a larger favor to relieve from that indebtedness. For many people, reciprocity is a valuable principle to live by. Reciprocity is an essential characteristic of successful relationships.
A friend of mine, who has been independent in every way for over two decades, began feeling squeezed and restricted when it came to spending money and accepting high-value gifts from her partner and family. Inflation soared after the pandemic, and she began to struggle with herself. Since she felt most of the items were overpriced, she wouldn’t buy half of them. It was difficult for her to accept something like buying a new mobile phone or laptop.
After a few coaching sessions, she was able to explore the deeper belief behind this struggle. In marriage, she chooses to not work, start a family, and support her spouse in all her endeavors. However, somewhere along the line, she lost her independence. She doubted that she could reciprocate the same to her partner and family. As such, she was hesitant to spend the money of her partner. Upon digging deeper, she discovers that her need to contribute – to do something for her partner and family is somehow tied to material things. Her belief was that she would only be able to reciprocate others’ feelings if she bought something materialistic.
Through a deeper conversation with her coach, she realized what her blind spots were. The things she did for the family went beyond just buying things. In order to accommodate her husband’s shift schedule, she worked round the clock, making hot breakfast, coffee, and a three-course lunch. Laundry, keeping the home clean, and many other small and intangible reciprocations were part of her daily routine, but her belief in material return kept her from feeling relief, or being happy, or enjoying the smallest moments of life. She was unaware of these intangible contributions/reciprocations in her relationship or she believed they are not that important as contributing financially is.
Cooperation, understanding of interdependence, and the ability to embrace it are the hallmarks of reciprocal relationships. Awareness can enable it to become a robust, healthy feature of the relationship.
In most relationships, we don’t think about reciprocity consciously. It is impossible to be exact when it comes to reciprocity, as what one person can do, another cannot. Since we all have strengths and weaknesses, reciprocity cannot be exact.
You may be reciprocated by others who commit to a healthy and happy family by supporting you at each stage of life. This may include physically being present to treat you and your family well. It may also include simply listening when you need to speak up. It may involve offering advice or sharing happy or difficult moments. Also, being devoted to strengthening the relationship can be a way of reciprocation.
