Your kids need you—AND you need this.
Posted on November 29, 2021 by Carrie Fox, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
What limiting beliefs do you have about the chaotic/joyful time that is new parenthood, and where does YOUR professional & overall fulfillment fit in?
I was a mostly stay-at-home mom, with a bit of volunteer and freelance work, for the first four years of motherhood. I hadn’t designed it that way—but when we moved to Los Angeles in 2017 right after my son was born, it made more sense for me to stay at home with my son for a while rather than find another publishing job, with a long commute, that I just felt “ok” about.
When my first son was two and I was expecting a second, I started actively searching for what would be next for me. While I never regretted making the choice to stay home for a while, I knew I was ready for something more for myself, and it didn’t involve going back to my old career.
But starting fresh was scary. Really scary. Especially since I didn’t have anything specific in mind yet.
I had all sorts of stories/excuses for not moving forward, including:
It’s too hard to find quality childcare, and to justify the cost for it—especially if I’m not going to be making money right away.
The kids need me more than I need this.
This is just a season in my life I need to get through/tolerate/survive, then things will get better and I can focus on myself more.
There’s never enough time.
I still don’t know what I want to “be”/“do” as a fulfilling career.
When I started working with my own life coach and began my own guided journey, I was able to see that getting started was better than staying stagnant, and that even in the hectic season of life that is caring for young children, I could carve out small amounts of time to envision my way forward—even if that time just meant figuring out what the heck the future might look like.
Can you relate?
Give yourself a moment to think of all of the stories or excuses you’re using right now to stay stuck where you are.
Could you use help reframing these stories?
Let’s take a look at that list of my old stories above. Even if your list is different than mine was, it’ll show you some ways that you can reframe in an achievable, realistic, incremental way.
Story: It’s too hard to find quality childcare, and to justify the cost for it—especially if I’m not going to be making money right away.
Reframe: I can look into a few hours a week of childcare for self-care, exploring next steps, and growth.
Story: The kids need me more than I need this.
Reframe: The kids need me—AND I need this. AND, the kids need to see me happy, engaged, and challenged.
A big part of what I’ve learned from coaching and that I’ve helped my clients with is starting to shift either/or, all or nothing, black and white, absolutist kind of thinking. This is just one example.
Story: This is just a season in my life that I need to get through/tolerate/survive, and then things will get better and I can focus on myself more.
Reframe: Having young kids is a uniquely challenging time in my life, AND it doesn’t mean I have to erase myself or put my ideas and aspirations on hold.
Story: There’s never enough time.
Reframe: I can carve out 20 minutes a day, as a start, when the kids are sleeping or they’re with another caretaker or family member to focus on me, and my next steps. I don’t need to figure it out right away, or this week, or even this year. I just need to start.
Story: I still don’t know what I want to “be”/“do” as a fulfilling career.
Reframe: I don’t have to have it all figured out. Exploring different options can be fun, and it’s part of the journey.
What stories are you carrying about this chaotic/joyful time in your life, and where your professional and overall fulfillment fit in? What other options are possible?
